Confidence cycles

[Luveno]

Jariel,

I don't agree. Confidence doesn 't come in cycles. It should be a constant thing in your life.

Life is like a business: you cut your losses and invest in hot stable markets. If your girl was being rude and talking you down, you should have not let it get to you. No man has to take that.

Plus, seeing as how this is only one example, its not a cycle at all. Its a high followed by a low.

Sure, we do all have momentary lapses in confidence but its relative.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Ah, another Jariel soul searching thread. Here's my 2c.

Originally posted by Luveno
I don't agree. Confidence doesn 't come in cycles. It should be a constant thing in your life.

I think the problem with many guys here is that they start out with 0 confidence, and build it with positive experiances. You get a phone number from a girl, and you feel like the king of the world. You get a date, you feel even better. You sex the girl, nothing can stop you now.

Then, sooner or later, you get negative experiances. The girl gave you a fake number, or she flaked out on you after you called her. Your confidence plummets.

See, you only know how to feed off the positive experiances, and whenever you get a negative one, your confidence begins to starve.

"So what's it all about Mind?"

It's all about teaching yourself how to feed confidence off BOTH positive and negative experiances.

There was a time where I thought I was gonna flunk out of high school and be a failure. Now I have a university degree, and looking back, I realize that I was being ridiculous to stress myself out like that. But back then, I thought it was the end of the world. Whenever I have a problem in life that makes me think it's the end of the world, I remember this.

There was one time where I thought I got dumped by the greatest girl in the world and that I'd never experiance something like that again. Looking back now, I realize she was probably the least attractive out of all my girlfriends, and that she wasn't even that great. Looking back, I see that I was feeling miserable over nothing. Whenever I have a girl problem, I remember this.

There was a time when I got a fake number and felt like the world's greatest reject. Then, about a week and a half later, I met an amazing girl, and had a great relationship. Looking back, I realize that getting that fake number was a blessing, not a curse, and that I was better off with it. Everytime I get a flaky girl, or one that isn't into me and I feel rejected, I remember this.

And so on...

You look into the past, you remember the last time you felt like this, and you remember how you thought it was the end of the world. Then you realize "I've been here before, I've been through it, I've overcome it, and I'll do it again."

Once you can think like this, you will have a constant state of confidence. I believe it was Gio who posted a tip that said "nothing I can't handle" is a phrase that girls eat up (edit - here it is http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16003). While it's a good tip (yet another reason why you a$$holes need to read the bible), I think that phrase is MORE then just a line to hook girls. It's a great way of looking at life and your problems. When you remember your past problems and realize that your current problems will become just that, "past", you realize that there isn't anything you can't handle.

And that's confidence.

 

[sstype]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter


[/COLOR]

Beautiful MoM. Remember Jariel, whenever you feel like ****, just ask yourself

"Will this matter to me a year from now?"

this is from

"Dont Sweat the Small Stuff"

I am halfway through, it is a very enlightening book. I also suggest "The Magic of Thinking Big" by David Shwartz.

Best wishes

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Jariel
Blue Phoenix: I am confident in myself as a person and my abilities, but you have definitely hit the nail on the head: I am a bit of an attention wh0re when it comes to women and I can't deny it. Unfortunately my social confidence does depend a lot on female attention - hence these cycles I fall into, and the habit I have of driving women away.

Originally posted by Jariel
I have a pretty fvcked up personality.

I've been trying to steer around the fact, but I am an obsessive perfectionist and totally insecure about myself. If I get attention from women one day, my confidence soars, but if the attention is lacking the day after, I start feeling insecure. I'm also obsessed with perfection.

I am narcissistic and spend a long time looking in the mirror analysing my reflection. Not only that, but I analyse my thought processes and try to explain who I am and everything I do. Even worse, I try to understand everything other people do and then control them and situations around me.

So this is where I call on you guys for advice. Thanks.

I still don´t know what you are trying to cover up. Something is wrong here.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for all the insights and opinions. I hate the way my posts of late have turned into something of a introspective analysis, but this has been my state of mind for some time.

However, the past few days I have taken steps to completely turn myself around and have decided to give up the pursuit of women and return to Buddhism (after a 3 year break) as I seek for inner contentment. In doing so I was immediately struck with everything that is wrong with my life and my "luck" with women, namely greed, vanity and materialism. I never cared about women, about sharing experiences, merely about how they made me feel about myself.

For a long time I've felt the need for validation from other people, from accumulating popularity, social status and attractive women. I've sought direction, inspiration and reassurance from external sources (other people) when my one and only goal should be seeking personal satisfaction, while abiding by my own values and beliefs.

Life has very suddenly improved dramatically! My mindset has improved, I have more optimism and external events seem to be following suit. Oh and I'm dating someone really cool now too, which is a bonus.

Viewing the replies, I see many people on this board have the state of mind I am only just discovering. This state of mind is what DJs should aim to pursue - not women and not perfection.

 

[sstype]

Originally posted by Jariel
Thanks for all the insights and opinions. I hate the way my posts of late have turned into something of a introspective analysis, but this has been my state of mind for some time.


Viewing the replies, I see many people on this board have the state of mind I am only just discovering. This state of mind is what DJs should aim to pursue - not women and not perfection.

It will be a difficult path, Jariel. I know this, because at times I am tempted back to my old way of thinking. So like anything else we strive to achieve, we must continue to practice maintaining a positive mindset.

Forget the past and live in the moment.

Regardless of your beliefs, (I am agnostic) Say the Prayer of Serenity every night before you sleep

"God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference

Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is; not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with You forever in the next"
AMEN

 

[Jariel]

Thanks sstype - that prayer contains some very valuable wisdom and is especially appropriate to me and my (hopefully former) controlling ways.

 

[Jariel]

I've just had this post brought back to my attention and even though these confidence cycles can and do happen, we all need to find confidence external to women and attention.

Blue Phoenix and others were right, that this is the mentality of the attention wh0re and can really fvck up your head.

Confidence should be way more stable, come from the inside and not be dependent on anything except meeting your own standards. I have made a lot of progress in this area and turned my mindset inside out. I wrote this tip based on this experience.

But this is just one of the lessons guys like me learn from mistakes in our pursuit of becoming a DJ and I can now admit I was wrong.

 

[undesputable]

yea i go through these confidence cycles....maybe its just mens PMS...

and i do think that it comes in cycles, because i think confidence has to do a lot with chemicals and hormones (ex. testosterone) in your body. When youre on a roll, youre winning at everything you do, you do it well, you have a gf, shes all over you, youre getting pvssy, it makes you feel good and gives you confidence to do even better and continue to be on a roll. Then when something happens like your gf dumping you, your body tells those chemicals and hormones that make you confidnet and make you act to chill and make you relax for a little while to avoid any further pain whether it be physical or mental. however if you just not make a big deal out of whatever bad that happens to you mentally, youll usually stay confident.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Jariel
I've just had this post brought back to my attention and even though these confidence cycles can and do happen, we all need to find confidence external to women and attention.

Blue Phoenix and others were right, that this is the mentality of the attention wh0re and can really fvck up your head.

Confidence should be way more stable, come from the inside and not be dependent on anything except meeting your own standards. I have made a lot of progress in this area and turned my mindset inside out. I wrote this tip based on this experience.

But this is just one of the lessons guys like me learn from mistakes in our pursuit of becoming a DJ and I can now admit I was wrong.

Props to you. The really fuc.ked up Aws NEVER admit they are responsible for their problems. Their main problem is that they don't see their bad behavior for what it really is, so they are doomed to keep baging their heads against the wall. When you admit you have problems, you have high chances of changing your bad programming.

 

[AndyW]

My take on this is that Confidence DOES move in cycles...at least for some people. Part of confidence for me comes from energy...my natural energy sometimes moves up and down. The days where my energy feels down, i feel less confident. That can last for a couple of weeks, then i'll just randomly feel more natural energy one morning, and i'll feel at the top of my game again.

Just to edit...today i feel really good again....so confidence DOES move in cycles...even on a day to day basis. There is no way anybody can be 100% confident 100% of the time!

 

[tmpgstx]

Let's face it, there is no one truely confident. Everyone has insecurities. Some more than others, but nonetheless everyone has them. Insecurities destroy confidence. The only way to be confident most of the time is to eliminate and supress your insecurities when necessary.

Let's also face it, women DO vaidate us as men and we do women as men also. It's why were here, to procreate and keep the species rolling into the future. Trying to ingore this will only create more frustration. You have to act and stop thinking so much.