confidence builder

[collalife]

i was at school and i notice that some people are not recognized or noticed by women or people in general(including myself). It honestly makes people feel like they are unwanted and lonely in the world. Most the time they lack the confidence to speak be heard( a close mouth dont get fed) and sit in silence and suffer.

DO YOU WANT TO END THE SUFFERING OR INCREASE THE HAPPINESS IN LIFE?

Well i discovered to be happy you have to tackle new goals and meet people to feel appreciated in the world. happiness doesnt just happen while you sit in silence playing video games. So i devised a plan. ITS the confidence builder excerise.

All the people in school or college, or job, or at a certain place you can do this.

Step 1: put your stuff down and go to the door of the class or job.
Step 2: when someone walks in make eye contact give your trident smile(make sure you brushed your the same day) and say hello or hi and comment or make a little small talk
Step 3: do this to everyone who walks in at every class, job, or establishment you choose.

overall at school this will give you convo basis with everyone in your class and youll be noticed and talked about in a positive light. (its better than sitting in class or at work miserable waiting to go home and play starcraft, or ps3, or warcraft). This will also give you a little social proof,(ladies love a man with social proof)and your confidence will shoot through the roof.

So if wanna be somebody talk to everybody make them special like they are unique but at the same time like your equal but you like yourself more.(well you know what i mean).

p.s. do this for 2 weeks straight. put it like this dont be afraid to be all you can be, your best self, who knows you might like it. Its better than being your worst.

 

[Interceptor]

Never be afriad to talk to someone.

Never be ashamed of yourself.

Understand that you are a man, with needs and wants.
And it is perfectly healthy to want to be with women. And as aMan, is perfeclty normal , natural, and healthy to understand your Need for femenine energy.
It is natural to be attracted to them. And you should not be ashamed of it.
And you shoudl be confortable with women showing you attention and affection.



Always realize that even though you may not have had certain opportunities or experiences in life, like others, you are still a human being. You still deserve respect, appreciation, courtesy, and acknlowdgement.

It is not your responsibility for others to treat you well. If they have no class or manners, or compassion, it is their loss.
Do not beat yourself up for another persons rudeness or callous behavior.


Always understand that one of the most visible clues to sound mental health and wellbeing are your SOCIAL SKILLS.

If you are socially maladjusted you will have a hard time hiding it. And that is why people dont feel comfortable around you.
Because of the behavior you exhibit.

A guy that is totally smooth and cool with the ladies, but a total jerk or creepy to everyone else is STILL weird and will still not be perceived in a postive light.


It is not about kissing up, aor being the social butterfuly, or being the lfie of the party.

It is about understanding people, and HOW they connect socially, intimately, emotionally.

THIS Is what you have to develop.
BE in tune with other people.


HOW TO RELATE to others in ANY environment.


Understand whatTHEY go through.
Understand what THEY feel.

Undersatand their expereinces.

And communicate your own.
They are no better thanyou. And vice versa.

Your Inner Self ALWAYS shines through.

So let go of all those toxic beliefs and shame and embarassment and let your true self shine through.

It is not about being 'good enough.''

it is about RECOGNIZING that you ARE good enough.

You just let beliefs get out insid eofyou which are now holding you back.


Some things to think about....

Tell me, when was the last time a really hawt chick APOLOGIZED or was ASHAMED or EMBARASSED for being sexy and attractive??

What does she do to come across that way?

What does she do to deserve so much attention?

What guy ever challenges her to justify her opinions or beliefs to them?

Shes mostly comfortable being who she is.

Why arent you?

 

[Kaim Argonar]

I don't have problems of confidence, but every such attempt that I do only results in fruitless small talk. In the end I come back alone to my apartment and wonder where to go to. I try to stay at college in the after hours and I talk to some people while hoping that some others will do the same to me, but it never leads anywhere. Doing stuff like this, and wandering the streets/malls hoping for some nice contact seems pretty futile, and only makes you feel worse when you're back at your place alone without anyone to have slightly more intimate contacts with.

I crave human relationships, and generally show extreme levels of enthusiasm and self-esteem when I do get a chance to interact for a good while, but when I don't get such opportunities for too long it nags the **** out of me.

Talking and smiling to a ton of people who talk to you back and smile in return doesn't make you feel better in the slightest because it stays on an extremely superficial level while months of your short youth go by and you keep craving for something deeper.

At some point, to meet success, you need to have people that are spontaneously drawn to you, without you having done anything special to catalyze it. You can try stuff aimlessly with strangers and acquaintances all you like, if your environment doesn't give you especially positive responses in return when it's worth nothing.

 

[Interceptor]

Kaim, the environment is not there to make you feel good.

The environment is just the environment.

If you have the frame of mind that the environment is responsible for your happiness , you will always feel lie you are feeling now.
You also have to recognize that there are people out there just like you, and those people you talk to are also looking for the same thing, human contact and affection.
If youre not sharing any with them, then dont expect them to do the same for you.

And if you are, and they are not reciprocating , you cant take it so personally. You cant be so dependent on them for YOUR Happiness.
The world does NOT work that way.
You somehow grew up with the notion that it does.
And you see 'evidence' from people that have the same belief, but theyre all misguided.


In certain secluded and undeveloped civilizations they believe if you take a picture of a person, that photograph captures their soul. And you somehow have power over them.

Tell me, is this true?

Do you believe this idea?

Why would they believe this?

What keeps them believing this idea?

Why dont people here in the West believe this idea?



If you are feeling down somedays and feeling good others. You are at the mercy of your environment. You are not in control of yourself.
(Its not about feeling 'happy' and laughing every minute of the day either.)



This is what happens when you seek external validation.
You are seeking happiness and fulfillment from things that are changing and are temporary.


Then when you dont get it, you become more depressed.
Youre out there seeking a reaction to you.
Youre not genuinely giving value.

What about your life?

What about your goals?
Why arent you doing what you love?

have you ever noticed that the most attractive , magnetic,and sensual and Radiant people are people who are doing what they love? And even if youre in a bad mood, theyre still positive, even empathic and gracious to you?

 

[Kaim Argonar]

I don't know if it's possible to keep up that smug mood based entirely on your own self-esteem on all occasions like an ascetic monk, as you crave for others you also crave for other benchmarks than your own one. I love myself and am satisfied of myself most of the time, but there always comes something that will make you envious of what other people have, and tired of seeing that although your self-affection and visions of your own person and life plans truly warm your heart, in the end these are all silly little schemes that only exist in your mind.

You and the original poster are absolutely right in saying that a large chunk of people, if not the near totality of them are just like us, which is to say, craving deeper human interaction and wanting to befriend new personalities. Thus, you shouldn't ever feel lowly when you want to approach someone else for any reason, and if you don't get enough people coming to you it's partially your fault for not trying to open up enough.

I don't know, I guess that these college classes I'm in suck as for that because they're nearly all-female. When I had more guys in my class they'd naturally tend to speak with me and establish some bounds.

It's indeed my fault for going in public places and sometimes expecting an element of the environment to provide what I long for as if it was its responsibility, but I'm only doing that because I don't see any other avenues.

Don't know why I started to feel bad as of late, perhaps it's just because of the warmer spring temperatures, hopefully it'll pass as I see a glimmer of hope. I do have a few friends and when we're talking together we're constantly interacting, laughing and arguing, having a blast. The isolation I face lowers my morale, but in these sessions I feel and act like a king, as if I was my own idol. So ultimately like you said any feeling of inadequacy is only delusional. I absolutely am able to please other people and the onus is mine, no matter how I wish for an easier solution.

 

[facadegeniality]

i seem the get that alot too...now im in university whereby the system is much different than in high school. you don't get the usual mates for all the classes.

also i dun really fit in cause people think i aint a local when i am. im friendly as it is, and i always make small talk. but somehow people are still nt so keen. to be honest im quite a loner save for some friends who occasionally find me.

same for the gals. many come and go. i blame myself. and then i get a confideence booster with some gals..then they just MIA again. it's tough reading them. and being in much more conservative asia, im not sure if the DJ bible really works.

my virgin post anyway.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

great posts collalife and Interceptor

Also keep in mind that you can make someone's day just by talking to them .

And dont talk only to popular people . Talk to everyone .

A loner would be happy if someone greeted him and talked to him for some minutes .