Confession/Advice needed

[Rave18]

Around a year ago, my elder cousin brother's wife and me started to get too close for comfort and things started to move in the direction of an affair/atleast I got the impression that it was going in that direction. I made a huge mistake [Dumbest, stupidest] of opening my mouth and asking her to keep some distance [Played the morally superior card], instead of behaving normally around her. The next thing I know, is that I've been almost an outcast from the family for the past year or so.

Advice on what else I could have done in the above situation is highly recommended.

 

[expos]

Around a year ago, my elder cousin brother's wife and me started to get too close for comfort and things started to move in the direction of an affair/atleast I got the impression that it was going in that direction. I made a huge mistake [Dumbest, stupidest] of opening my mouth and asking her to keep some distance [Played the morally superior card], instead of behaving normally around her. The next thing I know, is that I've been almost an outcast from the family for the past year or so.

Advice on what else I could have done in the above situation is highly recommended.

What was the attraction in the first place?

 

[origin138]

Your biggest mistake as I see it, and I think your instincts agree based on what you're saying, is that you VERBALIZED this to her. You offended and scorned her openly, now out of her deeply ingrained survival instincts, she'll make it her prerogative to treat you like some kind of creep in the family who "misread" obvious signals. She's going to assume you're telling everyone in the family about what happened (because that's what she would do), so in self-preservation she'll try to beat you to the imaginary punch. This is how the hamster works.

A man should speak with his actions. When you speak, you give her tools to use against you and you give her ways to manipulate and contort situation.

It would have been better if you just kept your distance without saying anything.

You need to stay connected to your family, they're all you have. If they're treating you like crap, just tough it out and show them with actions you're not what she may or may not have painted you out to be. Blood is thicker than water.

 

[vatoloco]

Advice on what else I could have done in the above situation is highly recommended.

You could've "kept your fuckin' trap shut."

Do it next time.

 

[origin138]

You could've "kept your fuckin' trap shut."

Do it next time.

OP,

The book referenced in vatoloco's post is called "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene. It's worth buying as it will change your life if you practice it well. Silence is a very powerful tool.

 

[vatoloco]

The book referenced in vatoloco's post is called "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene. It's worth buying as it will change your life if you practice it well. Silence is a very powerful tool.

 

[Rave18]

Thank You for the advice. I appreciate it

What was the attraction in the first place?

There wasn't any specific attraction. I just wanted to keep my distance.

 

[Rave18]

It has been one and half years since the above incident and the surprising thing is the change in her attitude and behavior. She used to touch me when no one was looking, glances and all subtle/small things. Now her attitude is... YOU tried to seduce me and I refused. I am such a sweet and nice young lady. The only reason I try to keep my mouth shut is, my brother and his parents are genuinely nice people and have always cared for me and my parents.

 

[NewJack]

You didn't make any mistake, dude. You stuck by your integrity. Fvck rules of engagement.

She may be doing a power-play, and it may have worked to the extent that she lied to her family and got others to believe bad things about you.

So, that sucks. But eventually her behavior and character will show, and so will yours. You could also just level with whoever it is that has alienated you in your family and just tell it like it happened.

Don't doubt yourself on this stuff man, you have to make these moves without fear. Sometimes you take a hit, but as long as your values are tight, things progress always upward. Its her and those close to her who are going to be having problems long-term (I mean maybe!). See to your own integrity and let the chips fall where they may, thats my POV on it.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

You could've "kept your fuckin' trap shut."

Do it next time.

I mean silence works, but he did what he believed in. She'sa a tramp for telling her family about it.

 

[Cremasta]

I thought your cousin's brother was also your cousin... but I guess that's besides the point.

Don't let people know what you know. Play your cards close to your chest.

In the future though, if you think someone is showing an interest in you and they are already attached, ALWAYS let them make the first move.