Composure in a Crisis

[Thundernuts]

Hey sosuave its been awhile, let me try and put you up to speed here. Ive been single for two months and during that time my dad has been diagnosed with one blocked artery and another that is 50% blocked. I just started to school full time again and Ive been trying to get back into the dating scene.

Now my dad had a stroke about three weeks ago while i was talking to a women i met at a graduation party. She called me, txted me, and generally showed a high interest level, but after i told her i was gonna be unavailable for a day or two its like a switch was flipped and she just lost interest and i went NC, haven't spoken to her since.

And it happened again, my dad had a stroke a few days ago while i was talking to a new girl i met at school, i let her know i was gonna drive up to see him at the hospital and since then low interest level. I even asked her out last week and she flaked out.

Now as i said interest level was high but once i have an emergency it's like "get away from me" i did my best to keep my composure but i just dont get where i went wrong. Anyone got any thoughts. First girl i was talking to for three weeks and second girl was almost two weeks. Second girl gave me a bj but not since i got back.

I just dont get it, maybe im not supposed to lol

 

[BeDJ]

I hope your father gets well.

Don't ever mention things like this to women during the early stages of dating. They don't care and get turned off by it.

 

[PlayHer Man]

All women care about is what a man can do FOR THEM.

Men are fools if they think women care about them at all. Men are tools/appliances to women. This is what white knights fail to understand. It doesn't matter if she has known you for 15 years or 15 minutes --> The minute you cease to be useful to her is the minute her eyes will start to wonder. Even if she is 80 years old. :crackup:

Women fall in love with what a man can offer her (good genes for kids, money, status, safety, security, resources, etc.). The fruits a man can bare.. not the man himself.

Keep in mind this is not something women consciously do. It's automatic.

Female hypergamy. Get used to it.

 

[TheCWord]

Goes without saying that the most important thing in your life right now is attending to your dad. Women can wait.

To echo BeDJ's advice, don't disclose this stuff too early. For two reasons...

1) Guys and girls both want a positive mate who is going to be fun, not one of those victims you see always posting woe is me status updates on Facebook. You're not that victim-type, obviously, but she doesn't know that - so she's thinking, wow, this guy already has a crisis and I just met him, I wonder if he's one of those guys who always has something wrong.

2) She's already picturing it in her head: she's going to have to listen to you tell sad stories about your dad, she's going to have to comfort you when it gets tough, be on-call in a moments notice if a health emergency happens again... that's all too much for someone you just met.

In the future, a simple, "Something came up" will do fine. And trust me, when she finds out down the road that the "something" was your father's health issues, she'll find you even more strong and mysterious for not disclosing that.

 

[The Duke]

I had a similar experience with a girl............basically met this girl in a bar one night and went home with her. She was late 20's had an HB8 face with a HB7 body. She co-owned a hair salon and fit the typical stereotype that works in that industry.

The following 2weeks we texted occasionally and set up a date. A few days before I was supposed to go on this date, my dad found out he had cancer and needed surgery immediately. I was at the hospital with him every night after work and if you have been in that situation, you know how draining it can be.

When Saturday rolled around and I was supposed to go out with this girl I told her I was beat down from my week and let her know about my dad's situation hoping she would understand why I wanted to postpone.

I let her talk me into going on a date but I told her I would be pretty "chill" and not my normal self. Quite frankly, I didn't really care how the date went. I fuhked this girl within a few hours of knowing her and I don't make it a habit of dating those types anyways but I did want to keep her around for a plate.

On the date, I wasn't the most outgoing or talkative. So that made her feel uncomfortable I guess and brought out her insecurities. She started attacking me for being different than the first time we met. I tried to tell her that my dad was just diagnosed with cancer but that didn't matter. All she cared about was her own feelings. She didn't care to see things from my point of view.

After a few minutes of this crap, I slapped a ten dollar bill down on the table to pay for the drinks and told her good luck. She gave me the wtf eyes and then started apologizing. I marched straight to the door.

A few days later she calls/texts to say sorry and see if she could have another chance. I humored her and strung that biatch along for 3more weeks flaking on her twice just to get even with her. I never did see her agin.

You guys can try and explain this all you want, but I won't tolerate it nor will I pretend to be something I'm not trying to accomodate them. I do my best to keep people like this out of my life.

Just imagine what it would be like living with one of the selfish kunts that can't relate to anything but how the world should benefit her!!! NO THANKS.
..........................................................................................................

Thundernuts- I will say a prayer for your dad. Spend as much time as you can with him.

 

[Thundernuts]

Thanks guys for all the wishes and all of you are confirming what I already believed to be true. Just want to say thank-you for the prayers I appreciate it. Today #2 called me before I got to school and we hung out for awhile she has been contacting me more. I read someof your post before I left my place and it really helped me put things in perspective just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the invaluable advice and yes I do intend to spend more time with my dad

 

[abe0]

I am new....You would think that a rational thinking person would say to themselves...well, this is the kind a man I want because in the future if I get ill he would be there for me. Perhaps, in a more formalized serious relationship that is what you expect. Instead, they think about what you can do for me now and I do not want to get involved in your problems...I want fun and what you can offer me....
My best to your father....