Complicated Situation - Please Help!!

[DJAntonius]

Hey guys,

Could really use some good experience on this one. Thanks in advance.

I had a huge crush on a girl in high school which never went anywhere. This girl is absolutely beautiful, did some small-time modeling for Playboy magazine, and on top of that is extremely down to earth, well rounded, loyal, and really a quality girl. Anyway, I ran into her 10 years later at a bar recently and we recognized each other and just hit it off from the start. Her and her BF of 6 years had broken up a couple days before that point and after a week of texting she came out for a few drinks with me (as friends) and ended up coming home with me. Mind you she wouldn't sleep with me for 2 weeks but eventually were started having sex and have been causally dating the last 3 months.

Obviously, she is not ready to jump into another relationship after 3 months after coming out of a 6 year relationship. But, she really likes me, has introduced me to her family and friends, and her ex BF is also aware we are dating. She says she wants to take things slow and see where they go, and also committed to being exclusive sexually in the meantime.

My problem is we both have busy work schedules, often conflicting, and sometimes I feel like the spark or the initial excitement is stagnating. I think it will be a couple more months before she's ready to officially commit to anything, but I'm wondering how I can keep the excitement going and the interest level high until that time arrives. I don't want things to become boring and stagnate, and I feel like things are slowly heading in that direction.

Any suggestions?

 

[sylvester the cat]

She's the one who should be asking all these questions. As a result you're coming from a position of no power.

Ask yourself why it's you asking.

 

[Stugots26]

Your fear is probably coming from the fact that you've actually agreed to sexual exclusivity and she's got some assurance that she *has* you, which makes you less of a challenge. Ideally, you wouldn't have actually verbally agreed, but just let her drop clues that she considers you her boyfriend and that she hopes that you're not screwing around behind her back. She still has to be made to wonder whether she could still lose you, to increase the sexual tension and raise your value.

Luckily, because women's emotions can change on a dime, whatever assurances she has right now about your status can easily change.

The best way to keep her interest and attraction high is to pull back and continue to make her come to you. Once a woman is attracted to you enough, she will freely pursue you. You literally have to do 0% of the initiating.

She gets in touch, you set up the next definite date, and actually show up. Between setting the date and the actual date she can initiate, and you can respond, but you will not initiate yourself. Let your actions communicate your interest, and you can be a gentleman, but you will only respond to her. That way, she can't accuse you of playing games and make that an excuse - don't give her any excuses.

And don't let her use the conflicting work schedules as an excuse either. Women who are highly interested in you will make time for you, in fact they'll move heaven and earth to get closer to you. So don't fall for any BS.

 

[DJAntonius]

To clarify, she puts effort into planning dates and activities for us also so she does show significant effort. But I'm just trying to improve and up the game from my position as well.

 

[Stugots26]

She should be putting in more effort than you. Just keep her on the chase, in pursuit, and any waning interest will go back through the roof.