[Repost. Originally posted and copywritten 7/29/04.]
I'm going to break down the fundamentals of starting the art of pickup. These skills are critical and fundamental, regardless of what style or camp you subscribe to.
That said, these aren't rules. Everything I write is flexible and variable, as it should be.
Now, my first three "non-rules" are:
1) Like yourself.
2) Be confident.
3) Have fun.
Those are my first three. The criticals. The essentials. What you need to be doing for *anything* else to work.
With those three, and just those three, you can do anything. However, while those first three are critical for just about all parts of a good life, the next two are also very useful.
4) Stay open-minded.
5) Learn.
That's it. If you can manage those five things, you'll be on your way. If, after a solid base in those five things, you go out and start actively socializing, you'll be able to achieve a master's proficiency in this art.
Now, let me break them down a little, and throw in a some advanced discussion. If any of this starts to confuse you in some way, because you're new to this, or you feel you're reading too much, or whatever- stop. Take a break, skip a paragraph, whatever. This is a reference, not a novel.
1) Like yourself: The root cause of everything good that can ever happen.
You need to like yourself as a person. You need to accept every part of yourself, even the parts you don't like (which doesn't mean don't try to change for the better).
For all you analytical folk: There is not a single advantage to disliking yourself. Consider that.
For all you emotional folk: Your whole life will be better and you will feel stronger and more alive if you like yourself.
What do I mean by "like yourself"? It's so simple, but so difficult. Here's some random points I'm just going to throw out. It's not all-encompassing, but it's an idea.
Alright, I'm an American. Here in the U.S., we're given a double standard from birth. Basics of self-esteem are taught throughout school and by parents, but at the same time, people are often put down. Parents, teachers, and authorities often turn a blind eye to bullying, reasoning it off as "kid stuff". The media constantly draws and redraws a fake "norm" that people should strive to achieve, and are ostracized if they deviate from it. In countries based around consumption, the idea of non-satiation rules supreme, and people are told to be never satisfied. You'll be happier with a faster car, a better razor, the most fashionable suit, the new soda that's got a great taste while being very low in carbs...
People are told they can't be happy without stuff. They're constantly taught to seek validation, and insecurities are played upon on a daily basis. There's a happy feel-good message of "Everyone is a special and unique snowflake" that's said in elementary school, which is promptly mocked and satirized.
In short, people are given a billion reasons not to like themself, and told not to decide for themselves. At the same time, most people THINK they like themself when asked, and often can't realize that they, in fact, don't.
I used to say **** like, "Damn, I ****ed up again. I hate myself." in my head. I didn't even realize I was doing it for so long, but when I caught on, it became sickening. I'd say it *so* much without even recognizing it. I really did believe it.
My breakthrough came when I realized there were many, many good things about myself. I genuinely came to like myself.
Now, how to do that? I can't say, exactly. But now you're aware of some of what's going on. There is no reason not to like yourself... you're the only you you've got. Strive for improvement, but like and accept yourself. It precedes and precludes almost all good things in life, including good relationships with other people and good sex with beautiful women. It's critical.
2) Be confident: The world is yours for the taking.
Confidence. Arguably the single most important interpersonal skill. If you act confidently, everything from business to family to relationships to (yes) pickup will go more smoothly.
What is confidence for me? It's knowing that I have lots of ability and infinite potential. I know I've got skills that I've honed to a precise degree and I can use them decisively. But more importantly, I know that anything I don't know or can't do... I could. With practice, with teaching.
I think people trying to explain confidence is where a lot of the rhetoric here came from. Most of it's right, but it's convoluted. I can't tell you exactly what confidence will be to you, but you'll know it.
For me, it's about fighting my fears when they come up, and defeating them. It's about using my abilities as well as I can, but after I'm trying my best, I move decisively. I know I'll do the best job possible, so why doubt myself?
I act quickly, decisively after I've picked the best course. This is because I know I have ability and infinite potential. There is no failure: There is only success and learning.
3) Have fun: If you're not having fun doing something...
This is key to true success in anything. To truly be good at picking up women, you've got to have fun doing the whole process. If you want to do work in nightclubs, you've got to have fun going out to nightclubs. If you want to do bars, you've got to enjoy bars.
You've got to have fun socializing. From approach to close, you've got enjoy what you're doing and spending time with women and people. If you go out with a wingman, you've got to like him and like spending time with him.
It doesn't matter how or what's fun about what you're doing. It could be that you like the music of where you're at, or you like self-improvement, or that you like going out with your friends that came with you, or you like karaoke at the place you're at... it doesn't matter.
Just have fun. Your results will be infinitely better if you're having fun, and no matter what happens, you'll have had some fun.
***So, those are my "primary three". I think that those three skills are pretty much necessary for a truly happy life. Anyone can improve in those three areas, and improvement in any of those three areas will translate to improvements *EVERYWHERE* else in your life.
So remember: Like yourself, be confident, and have fun.
4) Stay open-minded: Consider and reconsider *everything*.
This is as much a life skill as a pickup skill.
Open-mindedness is considering and reconsidering anything and everything. Aside from the fact that your time is valuable, you should always be willing to consider a new point of view or rethink an old one. Even fundamental beliefs of yours may change from time to time, and even if you can't accept some things at this time, don't be afraid to rethink them later.
Part of open-mindedness, for me, is tolerance. I'm not going to go on a feel-good, politically correct trip right now, because I've got some unresolved views on tolerance myself. On the whole, though, I like to live and a promote a live-and-let-live philosophy. Be kind whenever possible, to anyone, regardless of who they are and what they do. Note that I said "whenever possible", which doesn't mean get walked on. Also, kindness is not subservience or supplication, and don't get them confused. Be willing to rethink what kindness really is from time to time: It's possible that some things the media raises you to think are good and kind acts, like buying a woman dinner, is actually unrelated to true kindness and tolerance.
5) Learn: Learn about anything and everything. Why not?
When I say learn, there's two things I'm driving at.
I like learning about anything and everything, and I think it's invaluable to me. I know about all sorts of little interesting things, and my life is better for it. I can relate to many, many different people on different levels, and can talk to them about it. I can think in different ways about different things, and come up with interesting conclusions.
So, learn things in general, because it's useful to you, and will benefit you in pickup (and other aspects of your life, again).
Secondly, learn as you do. Strive to be better and improve. When you do not achieve what you set out to achieve, learn from it. You can repair mistakes you've been making with practice and guidance. Try to think of creative solutions, and ask for help when appropriate.
Seek out sources that can aid you. For pickup, that's our community. Most of the guys in the community, in my experience, are great guys. Find someone in your area and sit down for coffee with them, or do a little pickup. Hang out, eat pizza, shoot pool. Learn from each other.
Correct mistakes and improve.
***Those are my five first things. At any time, if you go back and pick one of those and work actively on improving it, you will improve your life and, consequently, your ability to pick up members of the opposite sex. If you feel boxed in or overloaded with too much material, you can work on one of these five. These alone can improve your life, and base proficiency are required in all five of these skills to truly succeed in this endeavor... and to be happy in all of your life.
Anyone can grasp these concepts. Anyone can apply them successfully. Work on them and your life will improve, as will results in skill-based endeavors.
Best of luck to all of you, my comrades and brethren. Be well.
Grandmaster Dimitri, Swash-Buckling Pick-Up Artist
I'm going to break down the fundamentals of starting the art of pickup. These skills are critical and fundamental, regardless of what style or camp you subscribe to.
That said, these aren't rules. Everything I write is flexible and variable, as it should be.
Now, my first three "non-rules" are:
1) Like yourself.
2) Be confident.
3) Have fun.
Those are my first three. The criticals. The essentials. What you need to be doing for *anything* else to work.
With those three, and just those three, you can do anything. However, while those first three are critical for just about all parts of a good life, the next two are also very useful.
4) Stay open-minded.
5) Learn.
That's it. If you can manage those five things, you'll be on your way. If, after a solid base in those five things, you go out and start actively socializing, you'll be able to achieve a master's proficiency in this art.
Now, let me break them down a little, and throw in a some advanced discussion. If any of this starts to confuse you in some way, because you're new to this, or you feel you're reading too much, or whatever- stop. Take a break, skip a paragraph, whatever. This is a reference, not a novel.
1) Like yourself: The root cause of everything good that can ever happen.
You need to like yourself as a person. You need to accept every part of yourself, even the parts you don't like (which doesn't mean don't try to change for the better).
For all you analytical folk: There is not a single advantage to disliking yourself. Consider that.
For all you emotional folk: Your whole life will be better and you will feel stronger and more alive if you like yourself.
What do I mean by "like yourself"? It's so simple, but so difficult. Here's some random points I'm just going to throw out. It's not all-encompassing, but it's an idea.
Alright, I'm an American. Here in the U.S., we're given a double standard from birth. Basics of self-esteem are taught throughout school and by parents, but at the same time, people are often put down. Parents, teachers, and authorities often turn a blind eye to bullying, reasoning it off as "kid stuff". The media constantly draws and redraws a fake "norm" that people should strive to achieve, and are ostracized if they deviate from it. In countries based around consumption, the idea of non-satiation rules supreme, and people are told to be never satisfied. You'll be happier with a faster car, a better razor, the most fashionable suit, the new soda that's got a great taste while being very low in carbs...
People are told they can't be happy without stuff. They're constantly taught to seek validation, and insecurities are played upon on a daily basis. There's a happy feel-good message of "Everyone is a special and unique snowflake" that's said in elementary school, which is promptly mocked and satirized.
In short, people are given a billion reasons not to like themself, and told not to decide for themselves. At the same time, most people THINK they like themself when asked, and often can't realize that they, in fact, don't.
I used to say **** like, "Damn, I ****ed up again. I hate myself." in my head. I didn't even realize I was doing it for so long, but when I caught on, it became sickening. I'd say it *so* much without even recognizing it. I really did believe it.
My breakthrough came when I realized there were many, many good things about myself. I genuinely came to like myself.
Now, how to do that? I can't say, exactly. But now you're aware of some of what's going on. There is no reason not to like yourself... you're the only you you've got. Strive for improvement, but like and accept yourself. It precedes and precludes almost all good things in life, including good relationships with other people and good sex with beautiful women. It's critical.
2) Be confident: The world is yours for the taking.
Confidence. Arguably the single most important interpersonal skill. If you act confidently, everything from business to family to relationships to (yes) pickup will go more smoothly.
What is confidence for me? It's knowing that I have lots of ability and infinite potential. I know I've got skills that I've honed to a precise degree and I can use them decisively. But more importantly, I know that anything I don't know or can't do... I could. With practice, with teaching.
I think people trying to explain confidence is where a lot of the rhetoric here came from. Most of it's right, but it's convoluted. I can't tell you exactly what confidence will be to you, but you'll know it.
For me, it's about fighting my fears when they come up, and defeating them. It's about using my abilities as well as I can, but after I'm trying my best, I move decisively. I know I'll do the best job possible, so why doubt myself?
I act quickly, decisively after I've picked the best course. This is because I know I have ability and infinite potential. There is no failure: There is only success and learning.
3) Have fun: If you're not having fun doing something...
This is key to true success in anything. To truly be good at picking up women, you've got to have fun doing the whole process. If you want to do work in nightclubs, you've got to have fun going out to nightclubs. If you want to do bars, you've got to enjoy bars.
You've got to have fun socializing. From approach to close, you've got enjoy what you're doing and spending time with women and people. If you go out with a wingman, you've got to like him and like spending time with him.
It doesn't matter how or what's fun about what you're doing. It could be that you like the music of where you're at, or you like self-improvement, or that you like going out with your friends that came with you, or you like karaoke at the place you're at... it doesn't matter.
Just have fun. Your results will be infinitely better if you're having fun, and no matter what happens, you'll have had some fun.
***So, those are my "primary three". I think that those three skills are pretty much necessary for a truly happy life. Anyone can improve in those three areas, and improvement in any of those three areas will translate to improvements *EVERYWHERE* else in your life.
So remember: Like yourself, be confident, and have fun.
4) Stay open-minded: Consider and reconsider *everything*.
This is as much a life skill as a pickup skill.
Open-mindedness is considering and reconsidering anything and everything. Aside from the fact that your time is valuable, you should always be willing to consider a new point of view or rethink an old one. Even fundamental beliefs of yours may change from time to time, and even if you can't accept some things at this time, don't be afraid to rethink them later.
Part of open-mindedness, for me, is tolerance. I'm not going to go on a feel-good, politically correct trip right now, because I've got some unresolved views on tolerance myself. On the whole, though, I like to live and a promote a live-and-let-live philosophy. Be kind whenever possible, to anyone, regardless of who they are and what they do. Note that I said "whenever possible", which doesn't mean get walked on. Also, kindness is not subservience or supplication, and don't get them confused. Be willing to rethink what kindness really is from time to time: It's possible that some things the media raises you to think are good and kind acts, like buying a woman dinner, is actually unrelated to true kindness and tolerance.
5) Learn: Learn about anything and everything. Why not?
When I say learn, there's two things I'm driving at.
I like learning about anything and everything, and I think it's invaluable to me. I know about all sorts of little interesting things, and my life is better for it. I can relate to many, many different people on different levels, and can talk to them about it. I can think in different ways about different things, and come up with interesting conclusions.
So, learn things in general, because it's useful to you, and will benefit you in pickup (and other aspects of your life, again).
Secondly, learn as you do. Strive to be better and improve. When you do not achieve what you set out to achieve, learn from it. You can repair mistakes you've been making with practice and guidance. Try to think of creative solutions, and ask for help when appropriate.
Seek out sources that can aid you. For pickup, that's our community. Most of the guys in the community, in my experience, are great guys. Find someone in your area and sit down for coffee with them, or do a little pickup. Hang out, eat pizza, shoot pool. Learn from each other.
Correct mistakes and improve.
***Those are my five first things. At any time, if you go back and pick one of those and work actively on improving it, you will improve your life and, consequently, your ability to pick up members of the opposite sex. If you feel boxed in or overloaded with too much material, you can work on one of these five. These alone can improve your life, and base proficiency are required in all five of these skills to truly succeed in this endeavor... and to be happy in all of your life.
Anyone can grasp these concepts. Anyone can apply them successfully. Work on them and your life will improve, as will results in skill-based endeavors.
Best of luck to all of you, my comrades and brethren. Be well.
Grandmaster Dimitri, Swash-Buckling Pick-Up Artist
