Competition Anxiety

[STR8UP]

I am a big proponent of the idea that women don't become attracted to man via direct indicators, but rather a series of indirect cues that are indicators of a man's suitability as a mate.

One of these cues is social proof. Women want a man whose value is "proven" by his association with other women (and to a lesser extent other men).

A very, very powerful and fascinating result of this is Competition Anxiety between women. This is, without a doubt, one of the best tools a man can use to his advantage in the mating game.

I was reading something earlier today about how you should subtly hint to a prospect that other women "like" you. Nothing groundbreaking here.....PUA's might call this a DHV, or "Demonstration of Higher Value".

So I got to thinking about this. I remember back a couple of years ago I inadvertently set off a "war" between two women. One was a chick that I had messed around with but wasn't that attracted to (Bangin' body, ok face and personality...not my thing) and the other was a new girl I had just started seeing.

We were all meeting up at a club, and when we got there I told the new chick to "stick close to me" since the other girl was going to be there and I didn't want her all up on me.

Little did I know that this would ignite an all out covert cat fight. From that point on the new chick HATED the other girl. To the point where she would blow up if I was talking to her.

In retrospect even if I hadn't said anything, chicks can totally sense when another woman is attracted to you, so there probably would have been some jealousy, but I honestly think that by me verbalizing this to her (in the right way) really served to amp up her attraction for me and kept the competition anxiety factor sky high.

Some of you will scoff at the idea, but this is where Myspace, Facebook, and the like can really work to your advantage. I'm not talking about having twenty supermodels on your top friends list, but having attractive women leave you comments is GOLD to keep competition anxiety high.

So I was wondering. If this is such a powerful way to attract women, what can we as men do to amplify the effect?

Like I said, I think that in the situation I mentioned the anxiety would have been there one way or the other, but by me essentially "rejecting" the other chick in front of the new one (it showed her that I am desired and that I won't hesitate to exercise my options) , I lit a fire that burned red hot for a good long time. I'm sure there are some other ways to get the fire going.

What do you think?

 

[darkstarrr]

So I was wondering. If this is such a powerful way to attract women, what can we as men do to amplify the effect?

One obvious thing that comes to mind is treating yourself like you are gold. Take care of your looks as best you can without seeming gay of course. Be clean cut and well dressed. I know it might sound gay but I go tanning in the winter time every couple weeks for a few minutes because it gives my skin a glow to it. HAHAHAH I know what you are going to say but it really does have an effect that chics notice. Its just part of my M.O.

I work out regularly so I am muscular. My attitude is generally charismatic and friendly, I smile a lot.

When you are in public and have that kind of attitude women will notice it and react to you. The girl you are with will notice other women looking at you with that look in there eyes.

My .02

 

[edger]

having attractive women leave you comments is GOLD to keep competition anxiety high.

This is where MySpace did me in...my problem was, I had no attractive women leaving me indicator of interest(IOI) comments on my page, except for one, hence I had to take myself off the website cause it was doing absolutely zero for me. Out of the 10 or 15 or so hot women that I emailed, NOT ONE of them showed interest. Not one! A lot of them were MILFS in their 40's too(so much for the MILF's being "easier" debate). I maybe got 2 or 3 responses back, but they were big FAT waste of time attention wh*res who played games. As I've said before, if you're gonna put up a profile on any of these social networking websites with the purpose of pulling tail, it is so essential that you have a social proof of women at your plethora, otherwise I can GUARANTEE you, you will not hook up with attractive women and are just wasting your time, as well as making a personal revelation about yourself to the world. I've been off the site since late 2006.

 

[STR8UP]

This isn't about hooking up with women on Myspace or attracting women by treating yourself well....this is specifically about amping up competition anxiety with women you know in real life.

Guys on here will tell you that it's "bad" to have women friends, but for me it's been a goldmine to have a good half dozen women around that I don't care to pursue who I still flirt and vibe sexually with.

The only downside is that it's possible to get c0ckblocked, but it leads to TONS of opportunities. I can attribute several of the women I hooked up with in the recent past directly to meeting them through female friends of mine who I am NOT in the friend zone with. I've also been c0ckblocked a few times, but that is unavoidable sometimes, unfortunately.

I gave one example of a way to amp up competition anxiety, I'm looking for more........

 

[Aenigma]

Be caught looking/light flirting every once in a while- deny it fi she makes an issue of it.
Talk to other chicks on the phone in front of her.
Leave the little "taken" clues that women leave around your house/car there (scrunchies, earrings, etc); if they no woman has done this- buy some and do it yourself.
Don't answer your phone at suspicious times every once in a while; make up a bad excuse as to why.
Hickies (if you're into that sort of thing and you're not exclusive)
"Forget" to clean up before she comes over- leave out two marini glasses and the bottle- one with lipstick marks on it
Take some hair from a brush from a chick with different hair color then hers- leave a few obvious strands where you know she'll see them.
Leave some empty condom wrappers on top of your bathroom trash; if you haven't ****ed in a while- just throw out the condoms somewhere else and leave the wrappers

Basicially anything that makes her think that you're boning other chicks, even if you're not.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Good post, STR8UP. I definitely believe that introducing competition is the quickest way to amp up a girl's interest level. Girls are validation junkies, and they all dread the thought of being disqualified in favor of another girl--even if it's not by a guy they are "attracted" to, per se.

The danger in this is that a lot of times a girl will be after JUST the validation and bail as soon as she's separated you from her "rival." This usually happens in a social setting--when the other girl gets pissed off at you for flirting so brazenly. In this case, it's really just a ****block, but pretty entertaining nonetheless.

I am often amazed at the amount of groupthink that goes on in groups of women. In a group setting, her opinion of you is of little value compared to THEIR opinion of you.

As for facebook/myspace: I wouldn't stress over introducing competition there. Comments are not real interactions, and girls won't read your page believing they are such. They will just look it over to make sure you are not a weird sketchball. When a guy has vague comments all over his wall from HBs that are clearly little more than strangers, it looks sketchy. When a guy has posed pics with HBs in clubs that don't seem to be enjoying his company, it looks sketchy. To appear like a cool, well-grounded guy, just limit your pics and comments to people that you regularly hang with.

Aenigma's list is a bit over the top. You can infer that you're seeing other girls without beating her over the head with it. A classy guy will always give women the courtesy of removing evidence of previous women from his home. Your ACTIONS will let her know that she has competition.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Spot on post STR8.

I will add that this was one of the reasons why I would pre-emptively LJBF certain hotties, I found that a good pivot beats a good wingman ANY day of the week. I used to show up at clubs with a few hot girls (just friends), and we'd have a grand old time amongst ourselves before I'd break off and do approaches - a LOT less b!tchshields to deal with.

When you have that much proof the ice is usually broken before you open your mouth. You will get the odd case of the girl who ribs you for being a player - but as long as you don't fall into the Shame Frame, you're golden.

Call it social proof, perceived value, herd mentality or whatever -it friggin WORKS - like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

[STR8UP]

I will add that this was one of the reasons why I would pre-emptively LJBF certain hotties, I found that a good pivot beats a good wingman ANY day of the week. I used to show up at clubs with a few hot girls (just friends), and we'd have a grand old time amongst ourselves before I'd break off and do approaches - a LOT less b!tchshields to deal with.

The goose that has laid the golden egg for me has been within my social circle.

And you wanna know the funny thing? Hanging out with an AW has proven to be invaluable for meeting and attracting women. Her friends practically throw themselves at me. My guess is that it's because she is telling them that she doesn't want to date me (nor do I want to date her), yet they see us flirting, HER especially, grabbing me and getting restless when other women talk to me.

I'm going out with a huge group of people tonight, and it just so happens that the AW called me the other day and has a friend visiting from Slovakia. This is going to be fun since it will be a couple of different social groups coming together where I have a strong pivot (who is bringing a friend from out of town whom I have never met, hehe).

Let the fireworks begin!

The danger in this is that a lot of times a girl will be after JUST the validation and bail as soon as she's separated you from her "rival." This usually happens in a social setting--when the other girl gets pissed off at you for flirting so brazenly. In this case, it's really just a ****block, but pretty entertaining nonetheless.

I posted on this awhile back.

There is a trick to establishing that a woman has "no claim" over you. I posted about it here- http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=139719

Maybe we need more info on how to deal with the c0ckblock when it does come along? I honestly thought I had put it to bed with the AW when her friend spent the night with me, but she recently blew me completely out of the water with another one of her friends. I have even verbalized to her that she gives off a c0ckblocking vibe. that probably did more harm than good....

The trick is to establish that you are going to do what and WHO you want to do, since no particular woman has a claim on you. The AW's and even normal women who have interest can stoke the fire, but at the same time if they aren't put in their place they can kill the whole interaction.

Be caught looking/light flirting every once in a while- deny it fi she makes an issue of it.
Talk to other chicks on the phone in front of her.
Leave the little "taken" clues that women leave around your house/car there (scrunchies, earrings, etc); if they no woman has done this- buy some and do it yourself.
Don't answer your phone at suspicious times every once in a while; make up a bad excuse as to why.
Hickies (if you're into that sort of thing and you're not exclusive)
"Forget" to clean up before she comes over- leave out two marini glasses and the bottle- one with lipstick marks on it
Take some hair from a brush from a chick with different hair color then hers- leave a few obvious strands where you know she'll see them.
Leave some empty condom wrappers on top of your bathroom trash; if you haven't ****ed in a while- just throw out the condoms somewhere else and leave the wrappers

Basicially anything that makes her think that you're boning other chicks, even if you're not.

Interesting list.

I like the "leave things around the house" thing. I've done that before. It's pretty easy to see how well this works when you DON'T do this intentionally and you end up with a chick finding a hair pin or something laying around and question you about it. It's funny how perceptive women are, like when they see two glasses in the sink (especially if one has lipstick!), hehe

 

[ketostix]

I don't know how many times I've approached a girl and she's given me the cool and disintrested act. Then later I would be making progress or making out with some other girl and back comes disinterested girl acting 180 degrees different from before.

 

[Warrior74]

Good thread. A chick saw my daughter's scrunchie was on my coffee table and after about an hour she couldn't hold it in and said "looks like one of your little girlfriends left her scrunchie". I just smiled and didn't say anything. Or they will ask, why I have a pink comb in my bathroom. They always mistake my daughter's stuff for another woman's things.

 

[Luminescence]

Be caught looking/light flirting every once in a while- deny it fi she makes an issue of it.
Talk to other chicks on the phone in front of her.
Leave the little "taken" clues that women leave around your house/car there (scrunchies, earrings, etc); if they no woman has done this- buy some and do it yourself.
Don't answer your phone at suspicious times every once in a while; make up a bad excuse as to why.
Hickies (if you're into that sort of thing and you're not exclusive)
"Forget" to clean up before she comes over- leave out two marini glasses and the bottle- one with lipstick marks on it
Take some hair from a brush from a chick with different hair color then hers- leave a few obvious strands where you know she'll see them.
Leave some empty condom wrappers on top of your bathroom trash; if you haven't ****ed in a while- just throw out the condoms somewhere else and leave the wrappers

Basicially anything that makes her think that you're boning other chicks, even if you're not.

Haha

 

[STR8UP]

Competition Anxiety touches one of the deepest rooted triggers in the female psyche. Why is this?

I say the reason is twofold.

One reason is because it's a quick filtering mechanism. All people look for cues as to what they should be doing based upon the behavior of others. It is an ingrained survival mechanism that allows us to take "shortcuts". If it's good for other people, it is good for me!

The second reason is that women are BY FAR more socially competitive than men. Men compete with other men in business. Women compete with other women for MEN. More evidence that women exist with a primary goal of securing a "host", if you will.

For men it's like the old Looney Tunes with Ralph the wolf and Sam the sheepdog who punch the clock (and each other) during the workday, but as soon as the whistle blows, they're buds. That's how men are. At the end of the day they turn it off. The conflict is only there when it is necessary.

With women the conflict is ongoing. They might have a fight and make up, but the animosity between chicks (even friends) NEVER goes away. Their "job" in life it to secure a man, and that makes them the most competitive, backstabbing, manipulative creatures to ever walk the earth.

There's a reason that the saying "Bro's before ho's" exists without a feminine counterpart.

 

[Phyzzle]

Some that I discovered by accident with my current girlfriend.

1. One night as we were going to sleep, "something's poking me." She handed me a a pointy little wire. I told her that was a bobby pin. She never wore bobby pins in her hair. Oh my. I told her that it was from an old girlfriend, and it must have fallen from a bag while I was cleaning earlier that day. This is actually the truth. I wouldn't cheat on her, but man, does that excuse sound lame or what? I noticed a little more aggression in her pursuit of me for the next few weeks.

2. I texted her, saying that I had a great time Tuesday. We went out Monday. An honest mistake, and she agreed, but she later started a bit of a wrestling match with me, asking, "So who was THAT message for, huh!?" She knows it was a simple mistake, but that little 3 second twinge of confusion made her more interested.

Not my experience, but an added bonus: "I'm going to be cooking dinner with some friends that night, but we can get together the night after that." (Who cooks dinner with their male friends?)

 

[skEwb]

This sounds all good and dandy, but has it actually backfired on anyone? I mean some girls might see it as a sign that you're desirable sure.. by many women, but any of them that want anything serious might also see you in a different light.

Not saying it wont work or anything and that making a woman feel like she has to compete to get you will drive her crazy. I've had this happen before, but I've also had it backfire on me by way of losing trust the rest of the road down, since the girl always thinks you're the type of guy that messes around a lot.

I guess it depends what you're after. Just my .02.

But in another aspect I wanna try hiding a thong or pair of sexy panties in my couch under the couch cover and have it "accidentally" pop up? haha anyone try anything like that?

 

[STR8UP]

With my last LTR I didn't use condoms for most of the relationship, but she knew I had a bag of them in my drawer.

I guess she used to count them from time to time because one day she calls out from the bedroom "Why is there a condom(s) missing?".

I was dumbfounded. How do you explain THAT? Especially when her friends told her one time that they supposedly saw me out with another chick.

Both things were an impossibility, but how do you get that out of her head? Might be good, but like you said it could backfire.

One of my theories why chicks do this is so they have rationalization for doing things they aren't supposed to be doing.

"He must be cheating on me anyway so I can do xxxxxxxx"

 

[skEwb]

With my last LTR I didn't use condoms for most of the relationship, but she knew I had a bag of them in my drawer.

I guess she used to count them from time to time because one day she calls out from the bedroom "Why is there a condom(s) missing?".

I was dumbfounded. How do you explain THAT? Especially when her friends told her one time that they supposedly saw me out with another chick.

Both things were an impossibility, but how do you get that out of her head? Might be good, but like you said it could backfire.

One of my theories why chicks do this is so they have rationalization for doing things they aren't supposed to be doing.

"He must be cheating on me anyway so I can do xxxxxxxx"

Yes exactly! I believe that the really needy ones I've been with would let ANYTHING go I mean ANYTHING and all this stuff would drive them crazy to no end to want me even more.

However a more well rounded and more educated woman that's harder to win with such a method will think twice before she's around you. These type are still women deep down inside and the same methods will work on them as well, however I think they have bigger logical brakes to stop themselves.

On the other hand the female mind runs on an emotional ball that is on fire rolling down a mountain of snow, exploding several times then imploding.... and yeah I guess you get the point.