coming on too strong - salvageable situation?

[lando92]

What's up guys, first post
I'll just give a brief introduction before I drop my latest dilemma; split with my girlfriend of one year about 6 weeks ago, immediately regretted it, you know, the usual 'hang on, maybe she was my perfect girl' bull****.
Got myself in the gym and put her out of my mind, and it took me about a week and a half for my head to sort itself out and for me to remember the bizarrely selfish,, highly uncool character I broke up with and it was actually very easy for me to fall out of love with her..

Fast forward to Friday, I meet a girl through my best friends girlfriend. She's from out of town and only visits every other weekend so I saw a perfect opportunity for something casual. We're all out at the bar and i approach her for a chat. Conversations good, great Actually. She's unwell so leaves after about 2 hours talking to me, I ask her if she wants to grab coffee the next day and give her my number (my phone was dead). I have a text from her when I get home, and we meet for coffee next day as planned.
I felt it went well, great chemistry between us. I keep it short and sweet and say I've gotta go see my buddy after about an hour, but this was great. She texts me an hour later letting me know she had a lovely time, and wondered if I wanted to go for a few drinks in half an hour. Obviously I took this as a good sign but as I told her I had plans to see my buddy so instead I invited her along with us to see some live music in the evening.
She came with my buddy's girlfriend and we all had an insane night, I was escalating physically and there was a lot of flirting, almost positive she was into me but no kiss (she was ill, didn't particularly want to kiss an unwell person)
So the nights almost over and she mentions to the rest of us she always likes to go see the beach when she's down these parts. I offer to go with her and she agrees. Now here's where I think I blew it. I tell her ive had a really good time and was glad we crossed paths. She said she'd had an amazing weekend and it was so nice to meet a guy who isn't trying to get her into bed after 5 minutes. I explain that's not my general approach, not because i want a relationship but feel as though sex is often better for both parties if there is atleast some degree of a connection. She seemed to take this well so I proceeded to tell her that I've never been a fan of public displays of affection therefore have had to stop myself from kissing her a lot tonight. I also jokingly mentioned the fact she was ill didn't help! She took it well, saying things like she wish she wasn't ill and she wouldn't be next time she was down..
We chat for a few minutes then head back to meet the others and go our separate ways. She hugs me and kisses me goodbye on the cheek and i go for a little peck on the lips, not positive but I think there may have been slight resistance.
I don't hear from her for a couple of days so I sent her a text last night telling her id had a great wekeend and it'd be cool to see her next time she's round these parts. She replies saying shell be down in a couple of weeks and will definitely let me know, and she might even take a half day and drive down one friday afternoon. I reply saying I get all Fridays as half days so if she does decide to go ahead with that it could be a winner.
No response. I fear I know the answers already but do you guys think I came on too strong and threw her off?
could her interest potentially be salvaged by a well Written text message ?

 

[Infern0]

You were talking a bit of bull**** on the date but it's not too bad.

Major mistake was the "I had such a good time" text which you sent because you were worrying she wouldn't text you back after a couple of days. Never take action out of fear. Always let the woman text. She would have.

Since you went wrong by overpersuing in this way you are now asking If you should do more of what got you in this mess by sending a "well worded text"

NO.

She is already on the fence about you, go about your life and wait to hear from her, chances are she will text you after a few days or so. Then just set a date and have some fun, seduce her, wrinse and repeat.

And never, ever text ***** bull**** like "I had such a good time" ever again.

Simple

 

[Lozboss]

You need to back off now dude.

SHE KNOWS you like her. Telling her any more or giving her more options to meet you doesn't make her more likely to meet you- it makes you seem needy.

You've left the door open, now go and get on with your life. If she walks through it then you've got another date on your hands. If she doesn't- then she wasn't interested enough.

You have to emotionally detach, whether you like her or not.

 

[lando92]

Thanks guys.
Yeah I can definitely see that sending those ****ty texts really didn't help my cause, just read them back and they're not absolutely atrocious but ive definitely laid my cards well and truly on the table.
Yeah, ill just leave her be now, she clearly knows im into her so the next moves hers.

 

[lando92]

Funnily enough chaps I just got a text from her; rather positive and she closed it by asking how my day was going, which I've always been lead to beleive is a good thing, no?
Looks like I may have gotten away with it on this occasion but ill make damn sure not to send any more soppy bull**** texts.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Funnily enough chaps I just got a text from her; rather positive and she closed it by asking how my day was going, which I've always been lead to beleive is a good thing, no?
Looks like I may have gotten away with it on this occasion but ill make damn sure not to send any more soppy bull**** texts.

That text means nothing.

Tell her if she wants to speak to you call, texing is too impersonal. If it's an emergency and she wants to make sure you see it text is fine.

That text is a stringer alonger by the way.

 

[Lozboss]

I don't always agree Daddy,

Lots of women text when they start off, they call when they feel comfortable in a relationship.

Lando- cool your jets and text back tomorrow. Show her she is not your priority, keep it cool and confident.

 

[Serenity]

Exactly the kind of thing I'm dealing with now. I've blewn it countless of times, mostly resorted to nexting. However this girl I really like, I feel like putting some effort into it. Been tempted to give up and next, but I can't go on and on giving up early or at first sign all the time.

I've been trying for 2 weeks to get this girl on a date, she responds but never make anything concrete. So yesterday after 2 weeks of her being hard to get I started asking about her day, then some casual back and forth texting about that. Then I sent "I'd really like to see you again, do you have some time?". It was my interest test, and I got no response. So today having left that text hanging there thought "well, it's probably already fvcked, so why not experiment with it?". I sent "oops, didn't mean to scare you", because I strongly suspected I'd put too much pressure on. I didn't think it could be salvaged, but I may have been wrong. She answered explaining how she have had bad experiences meeting guys she doesn't know so well alone, so she was skeptical to take my offer (verified my suspicion). I told her I have had a bad time asking women to meet because so many women have the same experience as her.

After that there was a really open conversation without pressure and she seems more interested, told me she would be down to meet for a coffee next week. However after turning her around like that I think I should back off and let her come, I'm not gonna push for that coffee meet.

So yeah these situations are salvageable, but it takes patience and persistence above all else. Patience in giving her time and space (backing off), persistence in not thinking you're doomed and just nexting. You want to balance the extremes, if you feel you're about to fvck it up then back off, be patient and use some of that time to come up with better ways. When you really feel like you know what to do then do it, then you have persisted and do some more pushing. If you push too much and feel like you're about to fvck up, then repeat the procedure. Because when you feel like you're about to fvck up, you're most likely right about it.

 

[Infern0]

Funnily enough chaps I just got a text from her; rather positive and she closed it by asking how my day was going, which I've always been lead to beleive is a good thing, no?
Looks like I may have gotten away with it on this occasion but ill make damn sure not to send any more soppy bull**** texts.

Next time she texts you ask when she's free to meet up then gtfo the convo. Don't end up being text buddies. But yeah her reaching out shows she has interest level above a 5. Your still in the game.

I advise you start learning the fundamentals rather quickly though as your making unnecessary mistakes which are going to start dropping her IL

 

[lando92]

Right, so had a little back and forth, changed my approach from that soppy rubbish to more flirty texts which seemed to go down a treat. Bear in mind I only sent 3 texts over the course of 36 hours. I sensed clear interest in her responses but, I didn't wanna be that text buddy like you said Inferno, so proceeded to try and set a meet in stone for next weekend to which she agreed positively.
I then mentioned I was going to a jazz night this weekend, and fast forward a couple of hours shes now driving down and coming with me . Will post back with results

 

[lando92]

So she came down, we hung out for a good amount of time and I made the move successfully, was kissing her most the evening. Bumped into some mutual friends, had a drink together. Noticed she was texting another guy a lot. I went to the toilet, got back and she was gone. Mutual friends had no explanation; just told me she said she felt sick and just left.
Didn't hear from her until 7 pm the next day, she texted me some half hearted apology which I ignored. Went out with some buddies in the evening, texts all night from her asking if I was out bla bla bla. She was out with my mates girlfriend so despite ignoring her we did all link up. She apologised properly in person, and told me she had some text written out to me but didn't send it because she didn't want to seem needy.
I calmly told her it's cool, and its actually common courtesy not neediness to say goodbye to someone after spending 7 hours in their company. I told her were cool and it was a fun day before shooting off to another bar to meet some other buddies.
since then shes been texting pretty much non stop, ive been replying occasionally. She's told me she's down next weekend and slipped that she'll have a free house.
here's where im at; she had the chance to prove to me she was worth my time and didn't perform massively well, but I reckon ive gotta decent chance of a bang next weekend. May as well go for it, right?

 

[Infern0]

So she came down, we hung out for a good amount of time and I made the move successfully, was kissing her most the evening. Bumped into some mutual friends, had a drink together. Noticed she was texting another guy a lot. I went to the toilet, got back and she was gone. Mutual friends had no explanation; just told me she said she felt sick and just left.
Didn't hear from her until 7 pm the next day, she texted me some half hearted apology which I ignored. Went out with some buddies in the evening, texts all night from her asking if I was out bla bla bla. She was out with my mates girlfriend so despite ignoring her we did all link up. She apologised properly in person, and told me she had some text written out to me but didn't send it because she didn't want to seem needy.
I calmly told her it's cool, and its actually common courtesy not neediness to say goodbye to someone after spending 7 hours in their company. I told her were cool and it was a fun day before shooting off to another bar to meet some other buddies.
since then shes been texting pretty much non stop, ive been replying occasionally. She's told me she's down next weekend and slipped that she'll have a free house.
here's where im at; she had the chance to prove to me she was worth my time and didn't perform massively well, but I reckon ive gotta decent chance of a bang next weekend. May as well go for it, right?

I'd be wary of the last minute cancellation here. Have something else planned for the weekend, set up a time to go over then put her on the backburner. If you end up texting back and forth all week then 99% you'll get "sorry the girls are coming over, maybe next weekend" etc.

based on her ****ty behavior she's a low priority option now. Be polite but treat as appropriate.