Comfortable being funny & relaxed online but real life very nervous and many silences

[Happy_Camper]

Hey i dunno if other guys have this problem but i sure do.

Usually when i see a girl i really like and known them for a short while, and perhaps they like me too, i am comfortable being **** & funny, confident and cool chatting with them over msn or email. It comes to a point where we have great conversations and deep rapport and leading them to calling me first.

But however, when i see them in real life, the girl i really like i get really nervous, anxious, awkard and paralyzed. When i talk to them its like im not really funny, confident and there are some awkward silence pauses. I cant think of good stuff to say and i lead to boring conversations as well.

On the phone i have this huge problem of ending the conversation too fast, and again with silent pauses even if the call has just been 3-5 mins! Im usually too serious and straightforward and not very "flirty" if u like to call it over the phone. I then remember to end the conversation first too seem like im busy and then say i have to go and hang up. This is one of the sad reasons why i dont really talk to girls over the phone and for a very long time because of this problem.

I even had two girls say to me once over msn "how come you're not this funny when i see you at school" etc. and i start to think this problem is starting to not go away.

I mean girls are not going to be your gf if u can only be funny confident etc. just online and not communicating face to face or over the phone.

I was wondering how can i get rid of this problem of:

1. being uncomfortable being around girls in real life as opposed to being a cool funny and confident friendly guy over msn.

2. Being able to have lengthier, fun and deep rapport conversations over the phone with little small talk. ( i know some ppl say they're not a phone person but i believe things can change. For example, tips i read was smile alot over the phone and your smile can reflect your voice and on the other side of the phone they can feel it. Any more of these tips? hehe)

3. Get over my nervousness and timidness around girls i like and especially ones where i think they like me too as well.

There is a girl right now who i think i might have a chance with but we havent even talked on the phone yet once but many times over msn for very long conversations. She even game me a call first but i wasnt there to pick it up and i believe i should escalate from chatting online to talking over the phone and then seeing and talking to her face to face because she is a conservative girl as well.

thanks a lot and happy holidays! :rock:

 

[PRMoon]

The only way to get over the anxiety or at least to make it less severe is to spend more time with girls. The more you talk to them face to face the more you'll be able to manage a conversation with little difficulty.

 

[Raikojo17]

this is a problem for alot of guys, including even me sometimes, so ur not alone. first of all, to combat this nervousness, i would stop talking to them on the internet completely, and go strickly to the phone and in person. i dont know if it's the same for u, but i have a problem relating to girls i only talk to via text message and on the internet and not with actual verbal communication. from now on, talk to them only with ur voice, then u'll be able to get a better feel for them as a person than u would just reading text. u'll know how to respond to them. and yes, smiling does help on the phone. u cant be funny and confident if u dont feel funny and confident.

the thing is, over the internet, u have time to think about and plan wat ur going to say. in real convo, u have to think fast. i suggest u learn to think on ur feet, because it looks like u still try to plan wat to say, like when u said u never know cool things to say. never plan a convo, just roll with it. be confident and not nervous. if u feel confident, than u will be confident.
if u do it online, than all u have to do in real life is do it faster.:yes:

 

[orthanc]

While I may not be able to explain to you precisely how to fix your problem, I can provide some explanation.

Instant messaging, text messaging, sending email, even writing real, paper letters. All of these things have several factors in common. One is a certain anonymity. Even though you may know each other, the written medium disassociates the two of you somewhat. The lack of physical contact also accomplishes this.

As Raikojo17 also said, instant messaging, etc., all give you the time to think about what you are going to say. They also make the way in which you say something much less important. All the important factors in both phone and interpersonal conversations are deemphasized -- factors like tone of voice, body language, etc.

Finally, written communication emphasizes content, which becomes lost amidst the hundreds of other factors in spoken conversations.

How to improve? I cannot speak from experience, but drawing from theoretical abstractions, what others have said makes sense. I don't think it is necessary to completely cut off online contact, as it is a strong point, and can help you in the long run. Do, however, dramatically increase the frequency of spoken conversation. If possible, have these conversations face to face.

Good luck.

 

[Happy_Camper]

While I may not be able to explain to you precisely how to fix your problem, I can provide some explanation.

Instant messaging, text messaging, sending email, even writing real, paper letters. All of these things have several factors in common. One is a certain anonymity. Even though you may know each other, the written medium disassociates the two of you somewhat. The lack of physical contact also accomplishes this.

As Raikojo17 also said, instant messaging, etc., all give you the time to think about what you are going to say. They also make the way in which you say something much less important. All the important factors in both phone and interpersonal conversations are deemphasized -- factors like tone of voice, body language, etc.

Finally, written communication emphasizes content, which becomes lost amidst the hundreds of other factors in spoken conversations.

How to improve? I cannot speak from experience, but drawing from theoretical abstractions, what others have said makes sense. I don't think it is necessary to completely cut off online contact, as it is a strong point, and can help you in the long run. Do, however, dramatically increase the frequency of spoken conversation. If possible, have these conversations face to face.

Good luck.

ok but how do you react or should behave when a girl gets all "cute and whiny" over the phone with a different voice and acting like a little girl? does anyone know what im talking about?

I have a big problem with being serious all the time and not like flirting back because i dont know how exactly = (

 

[Raikojo17]

ok but how do you react or should behave when a girl gets all "cute and whiny" over the phone with a different voice and acting like a little girl? does anyone know what im talking about?

I have a big problem with being serious all the time and not like flirting back because i dont know how exactly = (

when she starts acting like a baby, treat her like one. tease her and play with her bro. lol

 

[Chemistry]

You're just insecure like a whole lot of guys are when they start off... behind a computer screen most people are relaxed and the delays and sense of anonymity give them a comfort zone that being in the action does not allow for... simply put some dudes are just thinkin way too much when they're with a girl or in any social situation... look at all the big mouth folk on the internet who live quiet existences everyday and would never call people out for makin a comment like they do on the internet...

Just talk to a girl in person like you would on MSN... think what you talk about on MSN then do it in person, it really isn't rocket science...

Word of advice... don't bother with chicks on the phone for more than a few minutes... if she gets whiny find a way to end the conversation and let her deal with it herself... I don't, and you shouldn't, have patience for that BS... my mentality is very much, 'I'm here to enjoy myself with you and if I'm not doing that then there really isn't any reason for me to be here'... she already has a bunch of chicks who she call up and whine to

 

[havybastard]

i used to be like you

Being able to be relaxed and funny in front of girls means you have to be a good conversationalist. You can practice this with anyone any sex and age constantly.

You need to learn by practice to be able to talk about your surroundings and what you are up to.

i got two tips

1) Ask questions. People will like you if you really want to know about them. Even if you dont give a **** ask questions. And when someone is answering the question, already think of another question after that.

2) dont spend so much time on the net. Being funny and relaxed on the net will get you nowhere, its hard but u gotta get outa the house and practice

 

[pornstar88]

Dude I would take my power cord and throw it away and not buy a new until I get comfortable with my game face to face. Cuz the comp isnt real life

 

[girl_in_a_boy_forum]

Here's my word of advice: get away from IM.

No matter what information you exchange over it, no matter how personal the details are, no matter what secrets she types to you--it really means nothing in comparison to real life. IM doesn't allow for those awkward (or comfortable) pauses. IM gives you as much time as you want to come up with a good argument or witty comeback. It's easy to lie over the comp when the other end can't see your bad poker face. Don't fall into the trap of befriending people over IM when you can talk to them face-t-face.

If you're interested in a girl, go talk to her in person. I can't remember any IM "conversations" I've had with people that stick out vividly in my mind, but I can definitely remember "live-action" conversations that tugged my heartstrings or made my head spin. Flirting over IM with someone when you don't do it in real life is useless. Go get some kino!

People can portray themselves however they want over IM. I made the mistake of meeting a guy at school I'd only talked to over IM. Online, he seemed funny and easy to talk to, but when we met in person I didn't feel any connection at all, and we haven't talked or IMed since.

Also, IM leads to a dangerous trend: girls using guys online as their emotional crutch. It's (sadly) an increasing trend. Just my advice: if you see a girl everyday but you only really talk online, she's not looking for a boyfriend or someone to hang out with--she's just using you as her "diary" to vent feelings into.

So get off the comp and meet girls the old fashioned way! Good luck.

 

[Raikojo17]

Here's my word of advice: get away from IM.

No matter what information you exchange over it, no matter how personal the details are, no matter what secrets she types to you--it really means nothing in comparison to real life. IM doesn't allow for those awkward (or comfortable) pauses. IM gives you as much time as you want to come up with a good argument or witty comeback. It's easy to lie over the comp when the other end can't see your bad poker face. Don't fall into the trap of befriending people over IM when you can talk to them face-t-face.

If you're interested in a girl, go talk to her in person. I can't remember any IM "conversations" I've had with people that stick out vividly in my mind, but I can definitely remember "live-action" conversations that tugged my heartstrings or made my head spin. Flirting over IM with someone when you don't do it in real life is useless. Go get some kino!

People can portray themselves however they want over IM. I made the mistake of meeting a guy at school I'd only talked to over IM. Online, he seemed funny and easy to talk to, but when we met in person I didn't feel any connection at all, and we haven't talked or IMed since.

Also, IM leads to a dangerous trend: girls using guys online as their emotional crutch. It's (sadly) an increasing trend. Just my advice: if you see a girl everyday but you only really talk online, she's not looking for a boyfriend or someone to hang out with--she's just using you as her "diary" to vent feelings into.

So get off the comp and meet girls the old fashioned way! Good luck.

wat she said. lol u heard it straight from a girls mouth. so listen to it.

 

[LA_Chico]

Here's my word of advice: get away from IM.

No matter what information you exchange over it, no matter how personal the details are, no matter what secrets she types to you--it really means nothing in comparison to real life. IM doesn't allow for those awkward (or comfortable) pauses. IM gives you as much time as you want to come up with a good argument or witty comeback. It's easy to lie over the comp when the other end can't see your bad poker face. Don't fall into the trap of befriending people over IM when you can talk to them face-t-face.

If you're interested in a girl, go talk to her in person. I can't remember any IM "conversations" I've had with people that stick out vividly in my mind, but I can definitely remember "live-action" conversations that tugged my heartstrings or made my head spin. Flirting over IM with someone when you don't do it in real life is useless. Go get some kino!

People can portray themselves however they want over IM. I made the mistake of meeting a guy at school I'd only talked to over IM. Online, he seemed funny and easy to talk to, but when we met in person I didn't feel any connection at all, and we haven't talked or IMed since.

Also, IM leads to a dangerous trend: girls using guys online as their emotional crutch. It's (sadly) an increasing trend. Just my advice: if you see a girl everyday but you only really talk online, she's not looking for a boyfriend or someone to hang out with--she's just using you as her "diary" to vent feelings into.

So get off the comp and meet girls the old fashioned way! Good luck.

I like your name bro, uh I mean sis, very subtle ')