I work in sales, big retail and its a job of mine to really get out there and sell shyt! I got a guy that works with me who has totally lost his balls! sadly been in a relationship to long a broken one at that. and now doesn't even know how to get in the game anymore!
I say well you already got half of what you need, the ability to totally BS with someone, in retail they train you how to overcome the "stranger defense" by opening up conversation.. everything from where to stand to what to say has been at some point hand written by a team of psychologist. and every training book I've ever read has ALWAYS illustrated the fact that the best way to open a conversation with anybody is to approach them on something they can relate to you with. be it male OR female
Lets take this outside of the job space using this skill. your an average Joe, nothing is special about you plain features and all. You definitely could use a work out or two.. or three. I love using examples and while they are EXAMPLES.. I shape them into a way that can be applied to actual cold approaches. think of it as a script but you can improvise in anyway you see fit, as long as the structure remains the same.
you see a girl passing you at the mall, you and your friend just got out of the food court your walking to the escalator.. she's wearing a CASE hoodie and she's with her friend. the important key is if you see the person you have to blurt something out, within a few seconds because otherwise your own rejection defense will have time to think up some far fetched if the moon turned blue and she said this excuse of why not to say hi!
Eye contact is important throw a glance her way and if she holds it for longer than a second or two as soon as she gets within arms length say something! NO EYE CONTACT means no approach.. pick your battles to get hotter girls you need more social proof and your friend with the baggy jeans and unkept hair while he may be YOUR FRIEND isn't gonna score you points..
YOU : Case huh? you ever see the campus? *eyes move away from her to the nearest door until she answers*
HB : oh yeah I went to school there?
YOU : yeah? what was your major? *eyes back up at her's and smile*
HB : Business management
YOU : oh yeah? that's cool considering I'm doing the same thing! (embellish, remember your trying to relate)
HB : oh that's cool well good luck with that!
YOU : oh, yah thanks!
This approach was good, however it seems that she wasn't interested because first of all the approach didn't have any sense of confidence.. every guy who's actually approached a girl in the initial RAFC phase, that eyes tend to look at other things or right at her chest or her legs or a quick check out. While you had the balls to approach and she definitely applauds you for that in her head.. You just didn't have enough of what it takes to close the deal. The key to conversation and keeping it open is to build off of each thing a person says and keep closed ended comments out of the mix! Createing a connection is the key to cold approches.
I've many times just to kill some time have had a 20 minute conversation with a total stranger.. anybody watching us, probably thought we were friends but it went a little something like this.
YOU : Hey, how you doing? you goto case huh? *eyes right to hers then the friends*
HB: yah, I'm a senior *back to her then friend again*
YOU : what's your friends name?
HB : oh Sara
YOU : what's up Sara, I'm Chris *smile then turn to target HB* and my bad I didn't get your name I'm Chris and u?
HB : its Vicky
YOU : Hey so I got a friend that goes to case, he says the school is pretty cool outside of the boring lecture halls (no you don't, stop lying you pimp)
HB : haha, yeah they can get pretty boreing..
YOU : True.. I've had my share, so what's their to do out at case? any good parties?
HB : Oh there's definitely parties!
YOU : Bet your at all of them aren't you
HB : Nooo
YOU : Yeah right.. stop playing you definitely look like you party way to much
HB : I'm serious! ask her! *points to friend smiling*
YOU : Why do I need to ask her! your probably with her while your partying it up!
HB and Friend : Nuh uh!!! *both smiling*
And the rest of the conversation can go on from this point as long as you want but remember Time is money.. so close as soon as you know its in the bag..
YOU : Well hey I gotta run, you know how it is to have shyt to do.. why don't I get your Guy's numbers and well party it up sometime!
You've not only directed the entire conversation but you've also ended it abruptly stating you were busy and have to run.. why are you busy? what do you have to do? You probably don't know yourself the difference here is you know your just going home but they don't.. The game wouldn't be called a game if everything was black and white. Embellishment of the truth is fine.. however flat out lies are not! Because one big lie propagates another.. To those that have flat out lied learn from your mistakes saying you "BUSY" and saying "I gotta pick up my dads cobra" are two totally different things.
SUMMARY : its not hard to say something at a moments notice, because all you have to do is take one glance at a person and you can have a million things to talk about initially. The fear of rejection may stifle your efforts but the key is to start small.. Go after easier targets.. then harder ones. You can't start right in the big leagues if your still playing in the minors!!
YOU : Hey sorry I had to ask you where'd you get that purse?! I've been here all day looking for the perfect birthday present for my mom and I'm seriously thinking that's it
HB : Oh this! oh I got it over at coach!
YOU : Coach? sweet hey didn't catch your name?
Possibilities are endless..!
I say well you already got half of what you need, the ability to totally BS with someone, in retail they train you how to overcome the "stranger defense" by opening up conversation.. everything from where to stand to what to say has been at some point hand written by a team of psychologist. and every training book I've ever read has ALWAYS illustrated the fact that the best way to open a conversation with anybody is to approach them on something they can relate to you with. be it male OR female
Lets take this outside of the job space using this skill. your an average Joe, nothing is special about you plain features and all. You definitely could use a work out or two.. or three. I love using examples and while they are EXAMPLES.. I shape them into a way that can be applied to actual cold approaches. think of it as a script but you can improvise in anyway you see fit, as long as the structure remains the same.
you see a girl passing you at the mall, you and your friend just got out of the food court your walking to the escalator.. she's wearing a CASE hoodie and she's with her friend. the important key is if you see the person you have to blurt something out, within a few seconds because otherwise your own rejection defense will have time to think up some far fetched if the moon turned blue and she said this excuse of why not to say hi!
Eye contact is important throw a glance her way and if she holds it for longer than a second or two as soon as she gets within arms length say something! NO EYE CONTACT means no approach.. pick your battles to get hotter girls you need more social proof and your friend with the baggy jeans and unkept hair while he may be YOUR FRIEND isn't gonna score you points..
YOU : Case huh? you ever see the campus? *eyes move away from her to the nearest door until she answers*
HB : oh yeah I went to school there?
YOU : yeah? what was your major? *eyes back up at her's and smile*
HB : Business management
YOU : oh yeah? that's cool considering I'm doing the same thing! (embellish, remember your trying to relate)
HB : oh that's cool well good luck with that!
YOU : oh, yah thanks!
This approach was good, however it seems that she wasn't interested because first of all the approach didn't have any sense of confidence.. every guy who's actually approached a girl in the initial RAFC phase, that eyes tend to look at other things or right at her chest or her legs or a quick check out. While you had the balls to approach and she definitely applauds you for that in her head.. You just didn't have enough of what it takes to close the deal. The key to conversation and keeping it open is to build off of each thing a person says and keep closed ended comments out of the mix! Createing a connection is the key to cold approches.
I've many times just to kill some time have had a 20 minute conversation with a total stranger.. anybody watching us, probably thought we were friends but it went a little something like this.
YOU : Hey, how you doing? you goto case huh? *eyes right to hers then the friends*
HB: yah, I'm a senior *back to her then friend again*
YOU : what's your friends name?
HB : oh Sara
YOU : what's up Sara, I'm Chris *smile then turn to target HB* and my bad I didn't get your name I'm Chris and u?
HB : its Vicky
YOU : Hey so I got a friend that goes to case, he says the school is pretty cool outside of the boring lecture halls (no you don't, stop lying you pimp)
HB : haha, yeah they can get pretty boreing..
YOU : True.. I've had my share, so what's their to do out at case? any good parties?
HB : Oh there's definitely parties!
YOU : Bet your at all of them aren't you
HB : Nooo
YOU : Yeah right.. stop playing you definitely look like you party way to much
HB : I'm serious! ask her! *points to friend smiling*
YOU : Why do I need to ask her! your probably with her while your partying it up!
HB and Friend : Nuh uh!!! *both smiling*
And the rest of the conversation can go on from this point as long as you want but remember Time is money.. so close as soon as you know its in the bag..
YOU : Well hey I gotta run, you know how it is to have shyt to do.. why don't I get your Guy's numbers and well party it up sometime!
You've not only directed the entire conversation but you've also ended it abruptly stating you were busy and have to run.. why are you busy? what do you have to do? You probably don't know yourself the difference here is you know your just going home but they don't.. The game wouldn't be called a game if everything was black and white. Embellishment of the truth is fine.. however flat out lies are not! Because one big lie propagates another.. To those that have flat out lied learn from your mistakes saying you "BUSY" and saying "I gotta pick up my dads cobra" are two totally different things.
SUMMARY : its not hard to say something at a moments notice, because all you have to do is take one glance at a person and you can have a million things to talk about initially. The fear of rejection may stifle your efforts but the key is to start small.. Go after easier targets.. then harder ones. You can't start right in the big leagues if your still playing in the minors!!
YOU : Hey sorry I had to ask you where'd you get that purse?! I've been here all day looking for the perfect birthday present for my mom and I'm seriously thinking that's it
HB : Oh this! oh I got it over at coach!
YOU : Coach? sweet hey didn't catch your name?
Possibilities are endless..!