Cold woman ?

[Drum&Bass]

Has anyone ever met a woman or women who has trouble showing affection ? I am with this woman who is focused on her career and very educated from Europe but has a coldness to her that bothers me.

Once in awhile she listens to me and we have mildly entertaining conversations but overall our interactions are boring. When I try to dig deep and find out more about her it becomes an interrogation rather than a fun conversation about her sharing who she is with me. The same who holds true when I want to share myself with her, she has no interest in knowing more about me.

What I find funny is when we are in public she loves being all over me and doing some raunchy things without worrying about who is around us. When we are in private it feels like a mundane husband and wife arrangement with no emotion.

She likes when I ask her out to places and we do things together but I have no desire to want to take her anywhere until I am feeling some kind of warmth and intimacy in private.

There are qualities I like about her and I don't want to walk away and forget she exists (especially since she is also one of my clients) but I feel like I am in a weird place with her. I never really feel fulfilled around her and I wonder if she genuinely likes me or has some ulterior motive.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Forget about what she thinks of you. It sounds like YOU'RE the one that isn't satisfied with the relationship. Don't be afraid to dump a woman you're not happy with--remember, the fact that you got her in the first place is testament enough that you can find someone else. Something as deep-rooted as a lack of warmth is very unlikely to improve with time--it's not a simple matter you can discuss with her. I'd say this one isn't relationship material.

Dating a client is a big mistake, but you knew that already.

 

[Heretolearn]

Has anyone ever met a woman or women who has trouble showing affection ? I am with this woman who is focused on her career and very educated from Europe but has a coldness to her that bothers me.

Once in awhile she listens to me and we have mildly entertaining conversations but overall our interactions are boring. When I try to dig deep and find out more about her it becomes an interrogation rather than a fun conversation about her sharing who she is with me. The same who holds true when I want to share myself with her, she has no interest in knowing more about me.

What I find funny is when we are in public she loves being all over me and doing some raunchy things without worrying about who is around us. When we are in private it feels like a mundane husband and wife arrangement with no emotion.

She likes when I ask her out to places and we do things together but I have no desire to want to take her anywhere until I am feeling some kind of warmth and intimacy in private.

There are qualities I like about her and I don't want to walk away and forget she exists (especially since she is also one of my clients) but I feel like I am in a weird place with her. I never really feel fulfilled around her and I wonder if she genuinely likes me or has some ulterior motive.

What work do you do? Important (eg. if you are a psychiatrist run like the wind lol)

Honestly, our gut/feeling is our best asset and it does not change. For too long we have tried to fit square pegs into round holes and wondered how we can make it easier. GO GET THE RIGHT PEGS for a start

Be honest with yourself about where this is going. Is it what you want. CLOSE ENOUGH is not good enough. She may have some good traits you like but its not a mix and match. She is what she is.

I honestly feel that if you have doubts you should either discuss them with the partner to see if things improve realising you may be ending the relationship. OR end the relationship.

Good luck

 

[Mike32ct]

>What I find funny is when we are in public she loves being all over me and >doing some raunchy things without worrying about who is around us. When >we are in private it feels like a mundane husband and wife arrangement with >no emotion.

She is an exhibitionist, which isn't necessarily good or bad. But the no emotion part is not cool. It doesn't sound like you are getting what you need from the relationship.

>She likes when I ask her out to places and we do things together but I have >no desire to want to take her anywhere until I am feeling some kind of >warmth and intimacy in private.

I hope she's not just using you to go out. I would have a long talk with her about your concerns. If things don't improve, then you may have to move on.

 

[Mr. Me]

Sounds like you're being used to take her places that she can then put on a show for other guys to attract attention and meet new guys. That's why she likes it when you suggest going somewhere and that's why she's all over you without regard to who may see it. When you're in the bathroom, she's busy giving out her phone number, I suspect.

That it's a struggle to interact with her is because she's not really interested in you.

>> if you have doubts you should either discuss them with the partner...

I would have a long talk with her about your concerns>>

Gents, there's no point in discussing this matter with her. Her actions speak for themselves, and her lack of interest won't all of a sudden zoom up because there was a long talk about it. In fact, all a long talk will do is alert her to the fact that you're catching on to her game, and she'll either bail or deny it all, maybe even turn it around and blame you somehow for the appalling lack of conversation.

 

[jophil28]

Gents, there's no point in discussing this matter with her. Her actions speak for themselves, and her lack of interest won't all of a sudden zoom up because there was a long talk about it. In fact, all a long talk will do is alert her to the fact that you're catching on to her game, and she'll either bail or deny it all, maybe even turn it around and blame you somehow for the appalling lack of conversation.

Yep, good words there. Her actions tell you how she "feels' about you.

You cannot "talk" a woman into being warmer or more affectionate.

 

[guru1000]

Whenever core compatibility traits are missing in a partner, it is the result of your failure in not qualifying her properly before exclusivity.

She is not exclusive relationship material. Keep her non-exclusive or walk away.

 

[Drum&Bass]

thanks a lot everyone. I am her personal trainer and we hit off when we started talking about our views about society.

There are times when she goes out of her way to listen to me which makes me feel good. She also cooks for me and often times is willing to pay for everything when we are out.

She does have a raunchy sexual past and comes off very flirtatious sometimes sarcastic with other guys but she does a lot for me. She runs hotels and offers ridiculously amazing deals to my friends and family.

I'm gonna listen to everyones advice and keep things on friendly terms, in the mean time I will be dating other women. If she feels like having sex with me I wont turn her down but I'm not gonna worry about whether or not there is emotion behind it.

 

[Heretolearn]

Yep, good words there. Her actions tell you how she "feels' about you.

You cannot "talk" a woman into being warmer or more affectionate.

So you either accept it or walk away?

Is that the key.

Hence the reason for qualifying.

*I know this sounds silly and obvious but would explain a lot lol

 

[decades]

if you want to have sex with her you have to match her lack of emotions. don't give her more than she gives you. she is not GF material. If she was your GF, Mr, Me was right, you can't trust her.

 

[Mr. Me]

She also cooks for me and often times is willing to pay for everything when we are out.

Hang on a sec, that's significant (I hate it when the whole story isn't posted up front). That's her actions telling you something and in this case, it says she's a giving type of person, which is good. But...

But I'm still bothered by how she's not all over you when in private like she is in public. And she flirts with other guys. And she's still your client, so that may be playing a part too where she doesn't want to mess things up. So, you still may be dealing with a low to mid interest girl OR a girl who's not to be trusted, or both. Not the best pick of the bunch, sounds like.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Drum and Bass,
Look you can't have everything!I would observe that people in successful long term relationships seem emotionally matched....In general Mainland Chinese women are cold and unemotional,lack a real sense of humour, it takes some getting used to,it's a combination of their cultural training to be impassive and emotionless and the hard fact that there were few laughs in yesterdays China and precious few today Many Europeans,particularly from the East are very similar perhaps those cold Dark Baltic Woods and endless winters.....Strangely they are really good sexually, a fair trade don't you think?just remember you see her as closed and cold,she sees you as Brash and too warm .....Although the alarm bells ring in my head when you talk about her brazen behaviour in public,quite incongruous really.Perhaps the show is for someone else?

 

[jophil28]

So you either accept it or walk away?

Is that the key.

Hence the reason for qualifying.

*I know this sounds silly and obvious but would explain a lot lol

There are only three basic responses available to us to deal with all of life's dilemmas.

*Change it into what you want( mostly other people are unchangeable or unwilling to try).

*Learn to tolerate it, or at least accept it.

*Walk away.

 

[AIRWARRIOR71]

My gut feeling is something isn't matching up right and even with the added part where she cooks for you and pays while out, things just don't add up. I just feel my gut instinct saying back away and find someone who fulfills your needs in public AND in private. Since most of your life with her if in an LTR is private...I would feel much better if she was cooler when out and warm in private. I may not have the gist of things right...but gut instinct says not relationship material.

It is better to be single with the sky the limit than chained to someone who doesn't make life zestier because she is in yours...that also means you do the same for her. If you can't thaw the ice...go south for the winter and find someone warmer. just my $.02