Cold vs. Warm approach

[michelangelo]

In my brief time on this forum, and reading the DJB, I have seen two divergent opinions on approaching women, which I will refer to as "cold" and "warm".

Cold, in a nutshell :

1. See HB
2. Approach immediately
3. Chat briefly, blah, blah,blah, etc
4. "Gimme your number"
5. If yes, walk off
6. If no, walk off
7. Next

Warm, in a nutshell:
1. See HB
2. Smile, wave, wink, look for eye contact, signals, whatever
3. Approach
4. Chat a bit longer
5. "Gimme your number"
6. If yes, walk off
7. If no, walk off
8. Next


Again, I have distilled this down a lot. I realize there is a bit more to it than that. The point is the main difference is Step #2, where I either do or do not see if this girl seems to have any interest whatsoever.

Some DJ 's seem to suggest doing this, as does Doc Love with all his Interest Level/Reality Factor stuff.

"If she does not like me, she does not like me, so talking to her is a waste of time. Next."

I can see some merit in that line of reasoning. Why waste time on some chick who is too stupid to want me?

Other DJ's seem to be saying, "Who cares what she thinks? If I like her, I approach. End of story. It's all about me and what I want. Don't waste time looking for signals. That just gives you time to chickenshyt out and stand in the corner."

I can see some merit in that line of reasoning as well, particularly the last part about chickenshyt.

I'd like to hear some opinions on this from the masses.

 

[SDBmania]

Well, after further research, I've found that I still put too much preasure in approaching. Warm approaching is easier, so I think you should master that before going for the cold appoach. However, when you see what you want, you should just go for it. If you want a job, so you really spend you time tring to figure out if the employer wants you? No, you play it cool. You do your best to be yourself and you go for the job because you want it. I think it's the same with approaches. If you want to approach a girl, then just do it. It does help to judge singles, so again you might want to start there. But, in theory, you should just go after what you want and not worry about what could happen.

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

"If she does not like me, she does not like me, so talking to her is a waste of time. Next."

I personally don't like this. From afar she's judging you only by appearance. You're not even giving your game a chance. How many times have you seen a HB with an average looking dude? I'll bet he didn't look for signals and sh!t. If he had, he probably wouldn't be with her.

"Who cares what she thinks? If I like her, I approach. End of story. It's all about me and what I want. Don't waste time looking for signals. That just gives you time to chickenshyt out and stand in the corner."

This is the best frame of mind to have. Go ahead and give it a shot. Even if you're unsuccessful with the girl, you were successful in gaining experience.

 

[Dirtheart]

Each to their own. I advocate the warm approach over the cold approach as this is what works for me and suits what I'm looking for. I have 100% success rate at getting numbers and about 80% at dates when I ask, but I approach far fewer women than cold approachers do.

The good thing about the warm approach is that you don't just get numbers, you make acquaintances and friends and multiply your social circles.

Also, the way I see it is that if a woman is not showing me signs of interest, I don't need to approach her; I can move onto the next.

Maybe I'm wrong, but cold approaching and playing the field seems to be more of a game, centred on the thrill of a challenge or perhaps an ego thing. But for me it's all about finding one woman of quality who I like and who likes me.

 

[michelangelo]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
...The good thing about the warm approach is that you don't just get numbers, you make acquaintances and friends and multiply your social circles.

Also, the way I see it is that if a woman is not showing me signs of interest, I don't need to approach her; I can move onto the next...

Couldn't have said it better myself. To me these are exactly the advantages of this. I don't come across quite so heavy as a "pickup artist" and I also don't waste time with the ones who won't give me a second glance.

I think that this better suits my personality. Of course, I am trying to ditch the old AFC ways, so in a sense I want to be "opposite man" - do the opposite of whatever I "feel" is right, at least for a while.

And for that reason I am a bit concerned that looking for signals will make me fall back into the old trap of "was she looking back at me? I'm not sure... hmmm..... better wait and see.....chickenshyt...etc."

 

[Dirtheart]

Of course, I am trying to ditch the old AFC ways, so in a sense I want to be "opposite man" - do the opposite of whatever I "feel" is right, at least for a while.

I understand that as I went through the same dilemma in trying to destroy my AFC/nice guy conditioning. But I took it to the extreme for a while before realising I was still just as much an AFC as before because I was trying too hard and trying to change too much, all for the sake of women. Not to mention that it backfired on me.

At one time I was reading seduction books, newsletters and posts on this board and took them in like divine truths or rigid rules. But these days I do what feels right by my own standards because I'm now (finally) confident in my own judgement.

I think everyone needs to feel the same and find out for themselves what works and what doesn't.

 

[Viking25]

Why do you have to stick with one type of approach? I do both..even tho I would prefer warm approach. Unfortunatly I haven't gotten any "looks" from women recently..so I stuck with cold aproaching.

 

[michelangelo]

Originally posted by Viking25
Why do you have to stick with one type of approach?...

You don't, as far as I can tell. I figure use warm for those who look, and cold for those who don't.