Cold approaches in England

[Austin Allegro]

Inspired by PuertoRican Lover from another thread, I have come up with a humourous script for cold approaches to those famously reserved, polite English women.

English DJ. (seeing an attractive lady walking past Buckingham Palace, raises his bowler hat and adjusts the carnation in his button hole)

Good morning to you, young madam. What a splendid day for perambulating past the residence of Her Majesty. You seem a particularly nubile and physically prepossessing example of the female sex....(produce fountain pen with a flourish) Would it be remiss of me to obtain a number from you in order to continue our acquaintance via the medium of telephonic communication?

English HB. FACK OFF WEIRDO BEFORE i CALL A BOBBY!

(English DJ hurries off to Cunard's to procure a steamship passage to the USA....)

 

[Revlis]

LOL!

The sad thing is I expect a reaction like that over here.

 

[EternalBachelor]

Have to say that is one of the funniest posts I have ever read on this board. Alas, there are very few English men who still speak like that..........

 

[All_Torque]

Sure they do.

Shine ye shoes, guvner?

 

[silverwex]

Same over here in Ireland man! Cold approaches are seen as weird!!! Maybe us UK and Ireland DJs should set up our our site...?

 

[Austin Allegro]

Silverwex, you should come and live in England. English girls go mad for the whole Irish accent, blarney and bullshyt, and the liberal/leftie ones at uni love the whole Michael Collins/In the name of the Father/etc anti British romantic stuff.

Example: I used to share a flat with two HBs near Kilburn in London (called County Kilburn cos there's so many Irish there). One night we went to the pub and this fat, bald, ugly middle aged Irishman came over and chatted them up.

They were like putty in his hands and they kept saying how 'charming' he was! If an Englishman had done that, they would have just ignored him!

 

[B9]

Well, the alternative approach might be: Oi, there's a pretty las. Fancy a shag?

EDIT: Btw, that was one of the funniest posts I've seen in a long time.

 

[Revelry]

These famously reserved, polite English women....

WHERE ARE THEY?!!!!

If I could find one, I'd use the line on them. <jk>

Rev.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Revelry, English women (in the south at least) tend to be reserved, but they are not necessarily polite.

Many attractive, middle class girls will freeze you out if you try to make a cold approach.

This is why British DJs have to exercise caution in cold approaches and should take a lot of the US advice on this with a pinch of salt.

That said, about the only people in London making cold approaches are dodgy blokes, usually greasy foreigners, so if a polite, friendly native Englishman does it they might be so shocked they will agree to go out!

 

[Revelry]

The latter sentence is correct.

Although it depends, as ever, how you make the approach. To say that ALL cold approaches don't work because English girls are reserved is slightly off kilter. I totally agree that there is a difference between English and American girls. However, it isn't a total dead end.

English girls are harder to get into rapport. But once they are there, I've found they are less likely to flake or be shallow than their American counterparts (HUGE generalisation here - I know some wonderful non-flaky US gals).

Even the best PUAs in the world have trouble stopping girls heading in the opposite direction on the street and launching into their bar/club game... however, that isn't the only type of cold approach.

Have a think what a normal conversation starter would be. Put yourself in her place. Three examples I can think of are: being lost, surveys, and something about her.

1. Hi! - can you help me for a second? (false time constraint). I'm trying to find a decent restaurant round here... can you recommend any?

2. Hey - I'm doing a psychology survey for my course, and I need to ask you some questions... do men or women lie more? blah blah...

3. Hey... where did you get that necklace... I'm looking for something for Christmas for my sister, and that looks perfect! Is it from Poundstretcher or something? (neg - optional!).


All this is for is to get her to stop and talk to you. From there, just keep the conversation moving til she responds and engages. It is a different game to the bar game, but still possible.

Personally, I'm crap at street, but I've seen what's possible (in the UK), and therefore carry on trying!

[edit: this wasn't aimed at you Austin - more of a general point to repudiate the bad mindset that might develop amongst UK PUAs]

[edit2: btw, props for the original post - very funny. Do you think George W could use it on HRH Elizabeth II?]

 

[Krassus]

LOL!