Cold Approach Help/what is considered a "date"

[gm8384]

Since not many friends of mine have other single friends, cold approaches seem to be where I land.

I met this girl at school a few weeks ago, suggested we grab some coffee and got her number. We met for coffee a few days later, I paid and Good conversation followed. She is kind of quiet, and when I ran into her at school after this, I first took it as her not being interested.

I decided to stick my neck out there and call her again anyways. We ended up going to see a movie last night, again I paid, and as the movie was playing I went to hold her hand and she just shook her head no and turned back towards the screen.

I should have just said "No? Ok have a good time" and left, but I thought of it too late to be able to leave without looking like a chump, so I just kept watching the movie, slightly chuckling to myself at my failure. After the movie we chatted about the movie on the way outside, she (very smiling, maybe sinister-style) said thanks for the movie, I said ok later. That was it.

Now, I am kinda a pvssy when it comes to flirting, I had to force myself to get over the nervousness of tryin to hold her hand, not so bad once I was shut down.

Was I wrong to think that even though there hadn't been any solid flirting yet, more conversation, that it was a date? And if so, how do you cold approach someone and make it clear that you are interested in a DATE and not just going out as friends.

I'm tryin to learn from any mistakes I may have made. Feel free to bash me too.

EDITED FOR CLARIFICATION

 

[skinnydart]

Ouch

To make it clear that you're asking her out on a date, do those little things... like instead of you two just hopping in the car, walk over and open up her door (it may sound old fashion, but the chicks dig little things liek that). Pul out her chair, stuff that you would never do if you were driving somewhere with your guy buddies. hold eye contact for slighty longer than normal ("stretching ec"). Do those things and if she still thinks you going out with her to hang as a friend, she's messed up.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by gm8384
I should have just said "No? Ok have a good time" and left, but I thought of it too late to be able to leave without looking like a chump, so I just kept watching the movie, slightly chuckling to myself at my failure. After the movie we chatted about it on the way outside, she (very smiling, maybe sinister-style) said thanks for the movie, I said ok later. That was it.

You TALKED ABOUT IT?!

What did you do, say, "Why wouldn't you hold my hand??" There's no way to do that without sounding like a whiny kid.

It's hard to tell what went wrong here. I don't see HOW there could be any confusion that what you were on was a DATE, though.

However, you can't be nervous with flirting. If you try to touch a girl and you feel awkward about it, then she may feel awkward about it as well. This is something you need to work on...if YOU feel awkward you will project that on to her. If you act natural about it, she will ALSO feel natural accepting and returning it. If she's interested, that is.

As for this girl, you can try one more date, but it sounds like unless she's REALLY, REALLY shy, you may have already botched her impression of you as a potential lover. If a girl won't even hold my hand in the movie theater, I personally would cut bait and move on. But you cannot be awkward when engaging in flirtatious or kinesthetic behavior, or she will assume you are an awkward lover and an awkward romancer.

 

[crotchrocket]

Dude I had to read your post three times because I thought I missed the part where she indicated that it wasn't a date, but I still don't see it. Enlighten us please!

I don't think 'it's not a date' is the issue here at all. You just moved along either at the wrong time (no rapport build up) or just too fast for this girl! You say yourself that she's kind of quiet, well in other words 'shy', I've dated my share of shy girls and unless you just didn't include it here, I don't see where you worked up to the hand holding thing. You can hurry up the steps but you can't skip them all together and expect good results.

Balls to you for trying though! LOL...

 

[gm8384]

Thanks for the replies so far, and some clarification:

skinnydart - thanks for the additional tips. I got to remember to do the little things.

squirrels - I meant we talked about the movie, not about the hand holding incident. I'm gonna go back and edit the post to fix that part.

I too think its time to cut bait and move on. I'm to the point now where I don't beat myself up over a girl and can even laugh when things go wrong, as they did at the theater. I did try to call her yesterday, but she didn't answer. I didn't leave a message, but she would have seen 1 missed call. She didn't call back. Strange girl...

Crotchrocket - She didn't specifically indicate it wasn't a date, but me and my buddy couldn't find any other reason for this, except the 1/2% chance she didn't really understand what I meant. I am being generous giving that 1/2 a %, it probably should be a 1/4% chance. (Sidenote: I swear my buddy is an idiot when it comes to girls. He has worse luck than I do, but thinks he can point out everything I do wrong. BAH on him for tricking me into thinking she might have thought this wasn't a date. Kudos to all of you for smacking some sense into me.)

You may be quite right on the no rapport idea. I was sitting there thinking to myself, ok this is the second time out, I got to do SOMETHING. Even though holding hands is baby ****, I think I did skip the earlier steps because I was too concerned with making a move to show interest.

The more I think about it, I think you may be right crotchrocket. I think I need to work on my flirting, as squirrels said. The lame thing, I can flirt with girls I may like but don't have an interest in dating, but I hit a wall when it comes to the ones I am actually interested in.

 

[So Many Ways]

There's no reason to specify that any get together with a woman is a date, it's irrelevant really. Getting into some logical discussion with a woman is counterproductive and can work against you. Why would you want to spell all of that out anyway?

Any oportunity for you to spend time with a woman is an opportunity for you to game her. It doesn't matter what the setting, what's the premise for your get together, it's an opportunity to do whatever it is you do to seduce her. There is no need to predefine your interaction with her beforehand as a date.

 

[DeathDealer]

Well dude you didn't act like a gentleman on her so she interpreted as you being friends. You see if girls put you in the friends zone after you act like a friend to her, she expects you to be in the friends zone - afterwhile if you try to make moves, she will "raise the shields to maximum" or use out-maneuver you quickly as she has done to many other guys before you.

Sorry man, this isn't a prospect, MOVE ON.