Coffee Date - Need some advice

[stickboy]

Just wondering if I should get some tips for my situation.

The situation: Last semester in my Philosophy class, there was this girl who I found stunning looks-wise. However, we never got the chance to talk to each other. I come from a college with smaller class room sizes, so this being my first year at University with huge lectures, I’m finding it really difficult to converse with people. However I would see her from time to time in between classes, and when our paths crossed she would always smile at me. The time when our paths would cross would usually be quite small, I would just notice her as soon as she was in front of me... so with a slow reaction time, we would have already passed each other and I didn’t want to go running after her (I didn’t even know her name.)

Anyways this semester I saw her on the train to school. She initiated conversation with me and we talked the entire time. We also walked towards our classes together, and we got to my building first. I told her I had to go but it was nice chatting with her. I completely forgot to ask for her number or out for coffee after classes.

On the weekend, I was cleaning out my email inbox (which has hundreds of unread messages – I belong to a bunch of different organizations and I have my own idiosyntric way of organizing important/less important emails. ) She had emailed the entire class asking for notes from a missed class (this happens a lot, and I usually ignore them because they get quite annoying during exam times.) Anyways, I noticed the name on the email was the same... so I sent one off inquiring if it was the same person and if she wanted to go for coffee. Well, it was and she agreed.

I don’t know if I seem a bit creepy though, finding her email was a coincidence and it was only a couple days after we had first talked. I know I’m probably overanalyzing things and I should be happy that I got a date, but I’m wondering if I should adjust my game for the date tomorrow? Go a little bit slower, maybe not engage in Kino? What would you suggest?

By the way, I am 23. I don’t know her exact age, but she just graduated from High School, so she either

just turned 18 or just turned 19.

 

[stickboy]

anyone?

 

[stickboy]

thanks

 

[Bible_Belt]

What's brown and sticky?..

The worst thing you could do is change your game up. Don't you dare think of doing that. I'll slap a hoe.

The other thing is..coffee is a gay date. Never do that again. I suggest, if the weather permits, take your coffee and go for a walk with her. Walking around aimlessly is great because a) it expends nervous energy b) makes it seem like you two are going somewhere or doing something c) allows for incidental kino and better yet intentional kino because you two are walking next to each other. If you're forced to chill at the coffee shop (for God knows what reason) I suggest pulling your chair up to her so you're facing the direction she is facing. Don't sit there interview style, eventhough it seems natural to do so. By sitting next to her, kino is much easier and you'll develop rapport much quicker via your mirroring her body language. Report back on the happenings please.

good advice

 

[Allurre]

Actually, there's nothing wrong with coffee dates. She wanted coffee with you as an excuse to go out with you -- a plus in my books.

The most important thing is getting to know each other on a more personal level as you would never during class lectures.

Just relax and don't perceive the date as a "date", but rather a get-together to know each other better.

 

[Smartone84]

Be happy for the kid that he got a date, coffee or not. Who walks around with coffee anyway? I never really heard much of that, especially in the winter.

Just be cool and BE YOURSELF on the date, thats the most important thing.

 

[tsmith2334]

I aced a coffee date recently (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168324). Here are some tips:

Read this article: http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip284.htm. Very important stuff in there.

Don't go for a kiss or try to escalate sexually. Not the point of a coffee date, you'll probably turn her off. Save that for date 2, 3 or 4. Don't go crazy on the kino either. Use a little but keep it light. Same reason. Kino her once or twice (ask her about a ring and touch her hand, something like that) so she remembers it. Leave without spending much time on Goodbye. Keep her asking for it.

Focus on humble self-promotion. She wants to get to know you, so shine. Do not, however, start bragging or turn every subject into how accomplished and wonderful you are. She'll be turned off. Just be CONFIDENT and INTERESTING. Make sure you mention something she wouldn't hear on any other coffee date (a crazy theory or idea, for example). Spend little time on hackneyed subjects like job, family and school. Boring and she's heard 1000 other times from 1000 other guys.

Be very engaging. The worst coffee date is one with awkward silence and little conversation. You're really there to talk (coffee is just a sidenote) so keep the discussion going. If you sit there awkwardly and wait for her to spark conversation; she'll politely excuse herself after about 20 minutes and date 2 will be unlikely. TALK. ASK QUESTIONS. Answer her questions with a question. Question her answers.

Don't talk about relationships. Don't ask her if she's single. Don't mention other girls. Don't take the bait if she mentions another guy. If she's single, it WON'T come up in conversation. If she's taken, it will. Remember that.

Eye contact. This is HUGE. Especially in a coffee date setting. The place will probably quiet and bright (assuming you go early in the day, which I figure you would). Make sure your eye contact is strong. Go natural; but occasionally lock in. Mid-date, try paralyzing her with eye contact. Do this once. Make sure you're not the first to look away. If you hold eye contact longer than she does (think 5th grade staring contest), you won. That will bother her to no end. You're dominant and she's submissive. Eye contact triggers brain emotion and increases physical attraction. Don't over do it; be natural and a little inconsistent. But when it counts; hold it.

Pick up the check. This one is on you. Just do it. Also; make sure you end it before she does. Be the one who needs to cut it short. 35+ min is pushing it, if the date goes past 45 minutes tell her you need to go on your way. You're a busy guy, remember. Either way, if a coffee date lasts that long you're gold.

Smile. Laugh. Grin. Squint if she's explaining something. Be very responsive and animated with your facial expressions. You have no idea how much this will turn her on.

Take a crash course on body language. Learn what to look for (leg crossing, foot pointing, exposed wrists, hair playing) and read some body language articles written for women so you'll know what SHE'S looking for. Have fun with it. Straighten your tie, mess up your hair, fidget with your fork, touch your face. Occasionally do subtle things that indicate interest because she's likely to pick up on your body language as well. Use this to your advantage. Physical attraction breeds physical attraction.

My last tip is to smply have fun. Most of this stuff should come naturally. One coffee date is not the be all, end all. Look at it as a green light/ fun way to spend a Saturday. If interest isn't there; don't worry about it. Plenty of more opportunities to come.

 

[Rez]

Coffee Date - Need some advice

Here's some advice:

Don't go on a coffee date!

There's nothing sexual or even sexually appealing about this type of scenario. Besides, it'll feel like a job interview and looking back at all the jobs you've been interviewed for...how many of them ended with you sleeping with the boss? Exactly.

And what are you proving here, that you can buy her coffee? Dude, anyone can buy her coffee. Think of something fun and exciting rather than boring and depressing.

If she really means anything to you, then show her a great time.

Peace.

 

[Jhcl4000]

I don't understand you all saying 'coffee dates suck.' Do you know what a coffee date is for? Establishing rapport and comfort and getting to know the other person if you haven't already done so (this is all for the woman really, though).

 

[stickboy]

Date went well. Both our coffees got cold

She told me to call her... so I will in a couple of days

Thanks all.

 

[Rez]

Date went well. Both our coffees got cold

She told me to call her... so I will in a couple of days

Thanks all.

Glad to hear

I don't understand you all saying 'coffee dates suck.' Do you know what a coffee date is for? Establishing rapport and comfort and getting to know the other person if you haven't already done so (this is all for the woman really, though).

Coffee dates don't suck, they're just not ideal. Well, not in my case particularly.

Of course building rapport and establishing comfort are important. But there are far better and much more effective places to do this other than a cafe.

I personally prefer to take a girl out for coffee as part of the day-to-day activities, not make it the #1 agenda of the day. Besides, I'd rather make her coffee myself the morning after ; )

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

I think coffee dates are THE most ideal first date you can have.

Atleast for me. I'm a layed back person that likes to just sit back, sip a cup of joe, and listen to some chill music.

A girl is only going to think it's boring if you are boring. And then only if she's not really into you.

 

[SLY]

The key to a good date is interaction. Whether it's at the carnival going on those crazy rides together or at the arcade playing her at a racing game. It's a sure way to break the ice. Conversation is limitless and not to mention an easier way to developing kino between you and the chick. And once kino is developed and you start holding hands, hugging, etc..it's game.

 

[stickboy]

any tip on where to go next?

 

[Alextheegreat]

Wow you people are lame, coffee dates are perfect on getting to know each other. It allows perfect Kino but yet its not to expensive like a dinner. Plus it gives you room to turn the coffee date into like other said a walk in the park. We all have what works for us though.

Glad the Coffee date went well bud.

 

[schttrj]

let me tell you something...coffee date is absolutely ok...it seems the girl is into you and if you try to play too hard to get, you might ruin the flow...

you want some PUA terminology? here it is. you are well into the rapport phase and too much playing hard to get is for building attraction, which is going backwards in motion. You should push forward and rather aim at seducing her.

important note: though put in some challenges here and there, so that she feels the tension nonetheless.

Ron.

 

[Smartone84]

Amusement park (mini golf or laser tag), museum, a walk near where you live, Chucky Cheese/Dave and Busters type place are all good options. You could even take her to get ice cream, but get it to go. Your goal for this date should be to isolate her back at your place. In order to do that, I typically will get ice cream or grab some wine. If she goes back to your place it's on...she knows what the fvck is up, don't try to be sneaky. Pour the wine, flirt with her for a couple minutes, get her talking. Go for the kiss..if she rejects you, don't worry about it because 2-3 minutes later you're going to try to kiss her again. Continue this repetition until she breaks, which she will..she wants to kiss you. Follow this same recipe for everything else. Remember to remove your clothes before expecting to remove the same article of clothing on her (i.e. you remove your shirt before removing hers). Always be playful, nothing is to be taken seriously...but press onward regardless. You should be having sex by the end of the 2nd or 3rd date.

lol

 

[stickboy]

Just thought I would report back that I got a second date. I told her that I've got a lot of exams coming up, but I'll call her back later in the week and find some time for her. she says whatever time is good for me is good for her

So now I got a day or so to figure out something good