"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
coachD's field journal
- Thread starter coachD
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
I'm pretty sure she's going to flake.
I went to my normal Wednesday night dance class and then was starving so I went to the same pub I first met her. I sit down and order a burger. A couple of minutes later I look over and she's there with a friend. She gives me this awkward smile like she can't believe I'm there.
She gets up to leave a few minutes later and makes no attempt to stop and chat. No biggie to me, but I'd like to save a little face.
I know she's working the bartender. I got that vibe the other night, but she's had plenty of chances to blow me off and she didn't.
So now I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide if I text her and tell her I'm not able to meet tomorrow night or just text her my address to meet me like we planned.
Nothing long term will ever happen with this girl. She's 18 years younger than me and I think she's having too much fun right now.
Anyway, advice as always is appreciated.
I went to my normal Wednesday night dance class and then was starving so I went to the same pub I first met her. I sit down and order a burger. A couple of minutes later I look over and she's there with a friend. She gives me this awkward smile like she can't believe I'm there.
She gets up to leave a few minutes later and makes no attempt to stop and chat. No biggie to me, but I'd like to save a little face.
I know she's working the bartender. I got that vibe the other night, but she's had plenty of chances to blow me off and she didn't.
So now I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide if I text her and tell her I'm not able to meet tomorrow night or just text her my address to meet me like we planned.
Nothing long term will ever happen with this girl. She's 18 years younger than me and I think she's having too much fun right now.
Anyway, advice as always is appreciated.
Made some Edits:
Thanks Bradd, and that's the thing. I've had a few plates in the past couple of months. Like four or five, but I seem to screw them up somehow. I'll say something or I don't move quick enough and they lose interest. It sucks at first but I've learned from them. I think my learning was reflected in this girl. This whole process can be frustrating. If she does flake I'll go get a number somewhere tonight and eject. I think flying solo can affect my social proof when I don't eject and just stay at the bar all night talking to a girl I hope to get lucky with.
This girl just seemed like a decent bet at getting the money off my back. It's just frustrating because I'm not getting any younger. It's not like I'm 18 and making these mistakes.
FINAL EDIT: It was never made clear that I intended her to come here to cook. But since I neither of us know our addresses I was going to send a text today that had my address. Should I still do this or just not contact her and let her make a move if she's intending on coming?
NO SERIOUSLY, LAST EDIT: She just flaked. "Things came up". I used a variation of your reply when girls flake Bradd80, thanks.
Thanks Bradd, and that's the thing. I've had a few plates in the past couple of months. Like four or five, but I seem to screw them up somehow. I'll say something or I don't move quick enough and they lose interest. It sucks at first but I've learned from them. I think my learning was reflected in this girl. This whole process can be frustrating. If she does flake I'll go get a number somewhere tonight and eject. I think flying solo can affect my social proof when I don't eject and just stay at the bar all night talking to a girl I hope to get lucky with.
This girl just seemed like a decent bet at getting the money off my back. It's just frustrating because I'm not getting any younger. It's not like I'm 18 and making these mistakes.
FINAL EDIT: It was never made clear that I intended her to come here to cook. But since I neither of us know our addresses I was going to send a text today that had my address. Should I still do this or just not contact her and let her make a move if she's intending on coming?
NO SERIOUSLY, LAST EDIT: She just flaked. "Things came up". I used a variation of your reply when girls flake Bradd80, thanks.
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Taking a cue from Bradd80's post in the guide, I just tallied the rejections I've had since getting serious about DJing in November. I've only had 6 (2 of those are anticipated flakes/blow-offs that are awaiting their official 2 strike).
This tells me that I'm still not approaching enough. I need to try and make at least one a day. Not super easy since I work in a high school with a bunch of old marms.
This tells me that I'm still not approaching enough. I need to try and make at least one a day. Not super easy since I work in a high school with a bunch of old marms.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
EastvsWest
Don Juan
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Ah that sucks man, but who cares. You gave it an effort she flaked. I swear 2013 is the year of the flakes. I have never been flaked on as much as I have this year. It's not a huge number but I have been flaked on around 6-7 times since March. But I have learned a lot. I used to get really bent out of shape but now boom no response from a TXT in a day, number deleted. Everyone on here always says spin plates. But the challenge is getting quality plates without the constant flaking. Either way F it. I am on a mission to strike while the iron is hot this summer, just need to do a better job of not getting too drunk so I can remember it!
Same here East. I need to reign in my beer intake. It's killing my wallet and probably not helping the game.
I'm just going to keep challenging myself. I'm dog tired but I am getting ready to go out and see if I can get a number. Hopefully from a 7+. I could get 4 plates going right now, but they wouldn't be quality.
I'm just going to keep challenging myself. I'm dog tired but I am getting ready to go out and see if I can get a number. Hopefully from a 7+. I could get 4 plates going right now, but they wouldn't be quality.
Over at therationalmale.com the following quote hit home to me.
What Cypher has here is 9 years of experiencing the harsh reality of the ‘real’. Although he understands it, he wants to forget it. He wants the comfort and bliss that being unconscious and ignorant in the Matrix makes possible for him.
What do I want? Blasting through this plateau won't be as easy as going back to drinking alone and playing Xbox/blu rays.
What Cypher has here is 9 years of experiencing the harsh reality of the ‘real’. Although he understands it, he wants to forget it. He wants the comfort and bliss that being unconscious and ignorant in the Matrix makes possible for him.
What do I want? Blasting through this plateau won't be as easy as going back to drinking alone and playing Xbox/blu rays.
EastvsWest
Don Juan
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- Messages
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Yeah I think plateaus are really the hardest thing in life. It is just so incredibly hard to "Not Break the rules" and if you do you get punished. Here are some examples and where I am.
Work - This one took awhile for me as I was self employed at an early age from 21-29. The business didn't work out but had an awesome time and made good money/friends. Then I spent 30-35 in a Job I despised and hated everything about it...My plateau, lucky for me conflict at the job came up and I decided to quit. Now I can honestly say I found the job I have been looking for a large period of time. So I finally got past this plateau, but it was really tough at times.
Physical - This is a VERY tough one no matter how much people like to say it's easy. I like drinking, I like eating, and I hate working out. I am not a health nut and will never be. But I also hated the fact that I was 6'1 230 only 8 months ago and I have the beer belly and love handles. This has been a journey for me since I started to lose weight with a goal of 200 lbs. It is plateau after plateau for me. I hit one at 225,220,215, and the latest one 212. This is one of those you do something bad you get punished. And I was doing it quite a bit at these plateau's because they are so damn frustrating. I finally a few days ago hit under 210 for the first time in probably 10 years. So that felt good. This will always be my toughest plateau and I honestly don't ever think I can get past it.
Women - This is the big one for all of us. I was always a ***** in high school (plateau) and a ***** in my 20's (plateau). I had bad acne when I was younger which didn't help AT all with the ladies. Finally I moved from the West Coast to the East Coast and things changed. I hit 30 and I started having some success. Finally got over the plateau. Dated some chicks had a few LTR's with some really cool chicks that I broke it off because I could not commit. I guess that is another plateau...my fear of commitment and one that is going to be tough to break. Now what we are talking about now...the FLAKE plateau. That also took me awhile to get over and not get all pissed off about it. I can honestly say I think I am finally past it. Well unless it's a really hot chick and things really seemed on target during the dates...then FLAKE. (That was annoying) So really I think my goal to get past my commitment plateau is to just bang a bunch of chicks this summer, and then hibernate for the winter with some cool ass chick!
Sorry about the hijacked thread but your plateau comment really has been a big thing for me lately. And I am trying really hard to get past them all.
Work - This one took awhile for me as I was self employed at an early age from 21-29. The business didn't work out but had an awesome time and made good money/friends. Then I spent 30-35 in a Job I despised and hated everything about it...My plateau, lucky for me conflict at the job came up and I decided to quit. Now I can honestly say I found the job I have been looking for a large period of time. So I finally got past this plateau, but it was really tough at times.
Physical - This is a VERY tough one no matter how much people like to say it's easy. I like drinking, I like eating, and I hate working out. I am not a health nut and will never be. But I also hated the fact that I was 6'1 230 only 8 months ago and I have the beer belly and love handles. This has been a journey for me since I started to lose weight with a goal of 200 lbs. It is plateau after plateau for me. I hit one at 225,220,215, and the latest one 212. This is one of those you do something bad you get punished. And I was doing it quite a bit at these plateau's because they are so damn frustrating. I finally a few days ago hit under 210 for the first time in probably 10 years. So that felt good. This will always be my toughest plateau and I honestly don't ever think I can get past it.
Women - This is the big one for all of us. I was always a ***** in high school (plateau) and a ***** in my 20's (plateau). I had bad acne when I was younger which didn't help AT all with the ladies. Finally I moved from the West Coast to the East Coast and things changed. I hit 30 and I started having some success. Finally got over the plateau. Dated some chicks had a few LTR's with some really cool chicks that I broke it off because I could not commit. I guess that is another plateau...my fear of commitment and one that is going to be tough to break. Now what we are talking about now...the FLAKE plateau. That also took me awhile to get over and not get all pissed off about it. I can honestly say I think I am finally past it. Well unless it's a really hot chick and things really seemed on target during the dates...then FLAKE. (That was annoying) So really I think my goal to get past my commitment plateau is to just bang a bunch of chicks this summer, and then hibernate for the winter with some cool ass chick!
Sorry about the hijacked thread but your plateau comment really has been a big thing for me lately. And I am trying really hard to get past them all.
I've lost about 70 in three years. I started counting calories and the $hit just melted off. Until 330, then I'd vary at 325-30. So I started jogging in November 2012 and it melted again. Down to 295. I'm kind of stuck there, but I've just begun Starting Strength and I hope that gets me down to 270 or so. I'm tall and have some muscle tone from when I was working out in my 20s, if I can get rid of the belly I'm good. My build could be like JJ Watt if I really got serious. Not exactly, but the frame. 6'6" 280 or so. Almost there!EastvsWest said:
The flakes don't anger me right now. They depress me. My age has a lot to do with that. Of course if I get to this situation where there's two or three meetings then a flake I might get pissed. Hopefully not.EastvsWest said:
No hijack. That's what this is for, helping and especially encouraging each other.EastvsWest said:
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
As I read more about Plate Theory it led me to realize that I've done no cold approaches since the AA competition. Most of the girl's I've connected with have fallen in my lap or shown very obvious IOIs.
I went out today to the coffee shop, Wal-Mart (almost never anything above a 5, but it was right there...) and the grocery store. I had two or three opportunities to cold open girls. Two HB7s and one HB6. The HB6 was even going through the bargain cart of condoms.
I just didn't say anything. I have to get over this. I think I'm making too much of "if this then what?". I'll learn more from crashing and burning with 100 girls than spending all day reading this site.
Better luck tomorrow.
I went out today to the coffee shop, Wal-Mart (almost never anything above a 5, but it was right there...) and the grocery store. I had two or three opportunities to cold open girls. Two HB7s and one HB6. The HB6 was even going through the bargain cart of condoms.
I just didn't say anything. I have to get over this. I think I'm making too much of "if this then what?". I'll learn more from crashing and burning with 100 girls than spending all day reading this site.
Better luck tomorrow.
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EastvsWest
Don Juan
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Yeah the cold approaches are definitely something I need to work on. I am in a GREAT location for it as I live in the city and walk to work daily. Women are everywhere since I work in the finance district, and coming out in force with the nice weather on the east coast. Lots of time they are walking by themselves or waiting for the bus (hot chick alone today), or whatever but it's just so much tougher than an actual social situation. My problem is I usually have my headphones on so It would be a tad awkward, but I chalk that up to being a *****. A lot of dudes would make fun of me for this but the movie We bought a Zoo has a great line. (Movie is great as I am a big Cameron Crowe Fan) anyway the quote is this...
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
It's right on....time to quit being a *****, but it's not easy. Off to a pub cup soccer game tommorrow that should be very social and lots of chicks. Lets see what happens. Good luck dude.
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
It's right on....time to quit being a *****, but it's not easy. Off to a pub cup soccer game tommorrow that should be very social and lots of chicks. Lets see what happens. Good luck dude.
EastvsWest said:
This is good stuff. I liked that movie too.
I have to keep reminding myself that when I was approaching during the competition almost always the girls were receptive. 20 seconds...
My new mantra for the next few days is "get rejected so you'll get better". I'm going to try and make a goal out of getting rejected. Not by acting douchey but just approaching approaching approaching.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
The last two nights I went to Bdubs. Both times there was an open seat at the bar next to or near a decent looking girl.
Last night the girl was a solid HB 7.5. I don't really remember how I opened her, but we ended up bantering a little bit. Very quickly into the conversation some random dude she knew sat next to her on the other side. I don't think it was a boyfriend, but I couldn't tell for sure. Plus I think the bartender (an acquaintance of mine) was into her. I ended up leaving without a number try because of these guys. Maybe should have tried. Any advice on how to get a number from a girl when two of her guy friends are hovering?
Tonight I went to catch the end of the Spurs/Heat. HB5.5 has an open seat next to her and her HB8 friend. I figured I'd work the 5.5 just to practice game and see what happens. The 8 gets up to go to the bathroom so I asked her who she wanted to win (lame I know, but I'm in a self imposed slump and I'm trying to just start conversations at this point). She said the Spurs and I said cool because I couldn't sit next to a Heat fan. Not much else after that as I noticed her wedding ring.
The Spurs win and the same bartender from last night says he won money on the game. I asked him if that meant that he was buying the next round. HB8 leans across her friend and says she'll buy my next drink.
I clumsily ask her name and she tells me.
A little while later 5.5 goes to the can and I ask the 8 if she's from SA and she says yes. Go through the boring small talk about why she's now here blah blah blah...
She tells me her husband came her for work. I had checked her finger before talking to her to see if she was also married, but she was ringless. Anyway we talk a little while longer. She seemed kind of interested but guarded. I'm guessing the husband is soon to be out of the picture since she is without a ring and her and 5.5 are dolled up and at Bdubs. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't think that'd be two married gals first choice for a girls night out. Maybe she's just trying to get back into the meat market.
The conversation hits a dead spot and I finish my beer and talk to my bartender friend and another random dude at the bar before heading out.
I said goodbye to the ladies as I was leaving. The 8 shakes my hand twice in a row which was funny. KINO? Probably just a tipsy soon to be divorcee. No number attempt for what I assume are obvious reasons.
At least I opened three girls. I need to quit waiting for $hit to fall in my lap. It happens, but far to randomly.
EDIT: What if I'd have asked her where her ring was when she mentioned her husband? Why didn't I think of that an hour ago?
Last night the girl was a solid HB 7.5. I don't really remember how I opened her, but we ended up bantering a little bit. Very quickly into the conversation some random dude she knew sat next to her on the other side. I don't think it was a boyfriend, but I couldn't tell for sure. Plus I think the bartender (an acquaintance of mine) was into her. I ended up leaving without a number try because of these guys. Maybe should have tried. Any advice on how to get a number from a girl when two of her guy friends are hovering?
Tonight I went to catch the end of the Spurs/Heat. HB5.5 has an open seat next to her and her HB8 friend. I figured I'd work the 5.5 just to practice game and see what happens. The 8 gets up to go to the bathroom so I asked her who she wanted to win (lame I know, but I'm in a self imposed slump and I'm trying to just start conversations at this point). She said the Spurs and I said cool because I couldn't sit next to a Heat fan. Not much else after that as I noticed her wedding ring.
The Spurs win and the same bartender from last night says he won money on the game. I asked him if that meant that he was buying the next round. HB8 leans across her friend and says she'll buy my next drink.
I clumsily ask her name and she tells me.
A little while later 5.5 goes to the can and I ask the 8 if she's from SA and she says yes. Go through the boring small talk about why she's now here blah blah blah...
She tells me her husband came her for work. I had checked her finger before talking to her to see if she was also married, but she was ringless. Anyway we talk a little while longer. She seemed kind of interested but guarded. I'm guessing the husband is soon to be out of the picture since she is without a ring and her and 5.5 are dolled up and at Bdubs. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't think that'd be two married gals first choice for a girls night out. Maybe she's just trying to get back into the meat market.
The conversation hits a dead spot and I finish my beer and talk to my bartender friend and another random dude at the bar before heading out.
I said goodbye to the ladies as I was leaving. The 8 shakes my hand twice in a row which was funny. KINO? Probably just a tipsy soon to be divorcee. No number attempt for what I assume are obvious reasons.
At least I opened three girls. I need to quit waiting for $hit to fall in my lap. It happens, but far to randomly.
EDIT: What if I'd have asked her where her ring was when she mentioned her husband? Why didn't I think of that an hour ago?
That sounds a lot like the situation I was in when I lived in Charlotte.coachD said:
I got laid one week ago today. She's a short, cute Marine. She's been very moody lately and wasn't even had her own barracks cookout/party tonight. I went there to meet new Air Force girls anyhow. Worked out I guess.
Good job BMX.
I'm in a slump. Went two stepping last night with some coworkers and a tall blonde and her friend came and sat next to where I was standing. She wanted me to talk to her. Even my buddy was like, "Dude she wants you to talk to her".
I just AFCed. I don't even understand myself anymore.
I'm in a slump. Went two stepping last night with some coworkers and a tall blonde and her friend came and sat next to where I was standing. She wanted me to talk to her. Even my buddy was like, "Dude she wants you to talk to her".
I just AFCed. I don't even understand myself anymore.
“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.