coachD's field journal

[coachD]

Since winning the AA contest ( http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=202218 )a while ago I've been trying to up my game. Thanks to this board and the contest I'm far beyond where I ever thought I'd get even 6 months ago.

That said, I'm running into new problems every time I move up a level.

For instance, approaching a girl and getting her number would cause extreme anxiety and I'd generally avoid doing it. But in the past couple of weeks I've gotten numbers from two HB8+ girls. I know it's only two, but it just happened so naturally. I just pull out my phone and tell them to give me their numbers. They happily comply.

A couple of weeks ago I was basically only staking out the girls who I felt would be easy prey. Usually these were HB5/6s and obviously damaged. But this past Friday I had an HB8 fall in my lap. 21 years old! Even at 40 I'm not completely dismissed by girls half my age. She's dating someone, but using the Dicarlo Escalation Ladder I was able to get her number. I was drunk (generally that's to be understood though I'm trying to stop drinking when I go out...way too expensive). I think the Dicarlo ladder did the trick with this girl. She even later said I don't know why I gave you my number. I don't think she regretted it, she even texted me after I texted her later that night.

I might post more on this girl later.

Here's the thing. I'm at a new level and improving, but I still can't seem to close the deal. When I text I rarely get texts back. When I connect at the bar I can't seem to get her out of the bar. Then there's the other girls that magically appear when I'm working on some HB. I learned early in the AA competition that this will happen and you shouldn't abandon the girl you're working on. I probably should have bailed on the HB8 that was dating another dude and gone with the girl who sat next to us and was obviously interested in me. She even came right out and asked if we were together.

So if any of you have any help regarding getting girls out of the bar and into bed I'm all ears.

Also, I'm having a hard time with a particular girl at dance class. She always comes up and wants to dance but at the same time she complains about creepy guys in the class stalking her. I try to listen then move to more positive conversation, but it's getting to the point where I don't know what else to do with her. I feel like I'm getting ready to get sent to the FZ. I think part of the problem is I'm not using kino with her.

I'm hoping to get through the wall and actually get some take home if you know what I mean. I'm not sure how much of the trolling and "gaming" I can handle. It wears on me. I really feel like I need to see some serious progress in the next few weeks if I'm going to stay with this game. Every day is a day closer to 41. I need this to happen now.

 

[Vigs]

Since winning the AA contest ( http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=202218 )I'm hoping to get through the wall and actually get some take home if you know what I mean. I'm not sure how much of the trolling and "gaming" I can handle. It wears on me. I really feel like I need to see some serious progress in the next few weeks if I'm going to stay with this game. Every day is a day closer to 41. I need this to happen now.

Dont get desperate. That will be a huge turnoff.

You are probably projecting the wrong things. Do not be afraid of your sexuality.

To get same night lays, or laid at all for that matter, you are going to have to get sexual with them wherever you are. Dont be a gentleman, the whole time you are talking to them you should be thinking about what that pu55y is gonna feel like. Keep visualizing her spread eagle on the bed. Otherwise you are just a nice/fun guy having a talk with her. Touch her, look into her eyes long after you should have stopped. Use a deeper voice. That I just screwed for hours voice. She has to see you as a sexual person, not a funny/cool/nice guy whos just entertaining her with some conversation. Talk about sex with them. Bring it up anyway you want. If you want sex, you have to be sexual.

 

[Vigs]

Since winning the AA contest ( http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=202218 )I'm hoping to get through the wall and actually get some take home if you know what I mean. I'm not sure how much of the trolling and "gaming" I can handle. It wears on me. I really feel like I need to see some serious progress in the next few weeks if I'm going to stay with this game. Every day is a day closer to 41. I need this to happen now.

Dont get desperate. That will be a huge turnoff.

You are probably projecting the wrong things. Do not be afraid of your sexuality.

To get same night lays, or laid at all for that matter, you are going to have to get sexual with them wherever you are. Dont be a gentleman, the whole time you are talking to them you should be thinking about what that pu55y is gonna feel like. Keep visualizing her spread eagle on the bed. Otherwise you are just a nice/fun guy having a talk with her. Touch her, look into her eyes long after you should have stopped. Use a deeper voice. That I just screwed for hours voice. She has to see you as a sexual person, not a funny/cool/nice guy whos just entertaining her with some conversation. Talk about sex with them. Bring it up anyway you want. If you want sex, you have to be sexual.

 

[coachD]

So I got another number. It's so much easier now. Thanks to Gray the Prince and the AA competition, getting a number is much less daunting.

I'm still frustrated with where to go from the initial approach/number close. I feel like I'm not talking enough and she's getting bored. I don't feel like I'm talking enough. I read the ratio should be 70/30 her talking, but what if she's not super talkative? I need to work on my conversation skills. At some point the small talk has to become something deeper. I am trying not to be overly funny and sarcastic because everything on here says that the girl will laugh but be turned off.

I read somewhere on here that texting a girl that you see regularly anyway isn't a good idea and may have a negative impact on your game. Do you guy's find that to be the case?

The being sexual part of it seems to be a sticking point with me. I'm trying to use kino more and more. I guess I'm just over evaluating everything. There's at least an initial attraction going on, I'm just trying to keep that going.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[coachD]

I need some help. There's a girl that I'm kind of getting confused with. I screwed it up, but I think it might be salvageable. More on that in a minute.

I realized over the last couple of weeks my problem is now conversation and escalation. So like any other recovering AFC, I'm devouring all I can on escalating small talk into banter/sexual talk. And yes, I feel like I need to used some canned lines not as openers but as casual lines during conversation to keep from the same, "where do you live...what do you do...how was your week..." bull****.

Taking this dance class has been great, but a month or so in and I realized that some of the girls who 6 months ago I would have killed to have had a shot with are interested in me. Or at least showing IOIs. Sosuave gets a lot of credit for this because I think these IOIs are due to what I've learned here.

But...

At that point I really had no idea what to do. Everyone says make your conversations sexual, okay...HOW? Understand, I'm a 40 year old AFC! I'd always fantasied about the girl's I'm struggling with now, but didn't ever think anything would happen. Now things are starting to happen. Does that make sense?

So, one girl (call her Girl B) I haven't completely screwed up because I only see her at class every now and then. I texted her this week and basically said we should get a drink how does your week look. She responded that it was busy with a project for work but will I be at class on such and such day...
So as someone said in the vast online community, any response is a positive response.

I'm going to work on this girl and if it falls through so be it. I'm going to use some of the canned banter lines from the pickuppodcast and go to the point of no return. I'll insert some sexual escalation and hope for the best.

But there's this other girl (Girl A). I got her number before B and she really showed IOIs early and often. Like a dumbass I never texted her. I'd see her in class. We'd dance and make horribly boring small talk. She'd b***h about the creepy guys in class and I wouldn't say much because I didn't want to go negative. I also didn't want to be used as a shield from the guys she didn't want to dance with.

So I dance with several different girls. At one point Girl B and I are coming off the floor and she's laughing and touching my shoulder and Girl A is standing there and immediately walks off. No dirty looks or anything, but just bolts. As a matter of fact I think she left for the night.

Then a couple of classes ago Girl A comes over to me and asks if I'm going to dance with her tonight. (I'd decided not to chase her for a dance as most of the guys in that class zero in on her as soon as possible and I'm not going to be one of those guys, seems desperate). I did a lame CF attempt (she had been late to class and I was trying to bust her on it) but led her by the lower back to the floor and we danced.

It occurred to me after that class that I was going home frustrated from this class because there was no escalation. I was waiting for escalation to happen instead of making it happen. And then over the last two classes I think Girl A has given up on me. We dance during class because everyone rotates and dances with each other. But during the break times I've found that she's shielding herself from me with other guys. Understand, I'm NOT chasing her. If she was standing right next to me I'd ask her to dance, but it seems like she makes it a point to always go stand next to other guys after a song is over. So the last two classes I've only danced with her during rotation and not break.

Geez, this all seems so AFC.

If you're still with me here's the deal. I think she might be playing hard to get. The only reason I think this is the case is that last night the first time we rotated together she asked if I was going out dancing after class. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but she seemed like she was looking for something to do. I said no because I was going to watch a friend's band that was playing in the area. An awkward kind of silence...then the dance began. I was thinking of inviting her along during the pause and probably should have. But typical AFC, I figured I could invite her next time we danced. We didn't get the chance as she went back to her "shield" maneuvers during break and I couldn't think of a way to naturally bring it up during rotation.

Anyway, at least I'm learning that escalation won't happen on it's own. The only help I'll get is the initial IOI. From there I have to do it. That's my project for the next few weeks.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[coachD]

So I met a girl out dancing the other night and last night we were texting back and forth. It got a little sexual but not over the line. Not a girl I'm super interested in because she's got three kids, but she's tall and has a decent body. I figure I can practice on her and try and elevate my game.

There's the Girl B from dance class though. Things have been going pretty well, but when I texted her last week to get together she said it wasn't a great week for her. We saw each other at class and she's into me I know. I looked down as we were dancing and she was just staring at me like she was totally into me. I joked about the older ladies in the class liking me and she needed to protect me. Before we left she told our group her birthday was coming up and I joked and said she was almost a cougar now and she said something to the effect of me being in trouble because she'll be all over me.

So things are going well, but this week was bad for me so I didn't text her until last night. I had a great class and was really dancing well. She doesn't come to class Wednesday nights so I figured I text her and joke around about how great the class went and she should have been there. We went back and forth a couple of times then I mentioned my sexy butt and she never texted back. I did that to try and up the tension. Anyway, if I ruined it with her so be it. I'll see her at the next class and see what happens.

What do you guys do when they stop texting. I know, don't text unless it's to set up a meet. I did that and it didn't work out but she still showed signs of interest. Should I just forget about her?

 

[coachD]

So I've decided to shift my focus a little. I generally fly solo because of my age. Most of my friends are married with kids and don't go out every other night. So I'm generally at the mercy of waiting for iois from girls or just going up to people who I randomly decide will probably be friendly.

After getting a taste of the potential I've got I think I've become too focused on getting laid. I'm going to make it a point to go back to just trying to work the room and say hi to at least 5 people when entering social situations.

We will see.

 

[coachD]

This past weekend was tough.

A 34 year old mother of three flaked on me. How depressing is that?

i sent a dumbass text to a 30 year old HB7/8 and she got very distant.

So Sunday night I wasn't feeling it. I went to dance class which was devoid of any attractive women this week.

Which reminds me of pook. He talked about how the more he got serious with lifting the less the cougars and fatties would latch on to him, or some such thing. I need to do that. I'm a big guy who's lifted in the past. I've still got a decent build, but I'm a little softer now. I may ditch the half marathon training in lieu of lifting.

Back to Sunday. I head to a country dance place after class. It's early, but they have free lessons and there are a ton of people there. Most are older than me, but right off the bat I noticed a cute HB8. I'm totally beta because I'm stuck on the other two girls. So I see a guy I know from class and go talk to him so that I don't have be quite so awkward.

Anyway HB8 passes by me to go line dance and asks if I know the dance I didn't but told her I'd catch her at the next two step. She finishes up and comes back over to me. We start talking for a while. Turns out she is from Iran. She's been here less than a year. Long story short, we danced a few times and I got her number. I'm thinking we totally hit it off, and we did. She's laughing and I'm trying to be cf, but anyway...

Here's where I screwed up:

1) I spent too much time with her. We danced three or four songs and talked for maybe half an hour. At one point she even asked if I didn't want to dance with a better dancer (she's barely startled two stepping). Ouch, I knew I should have ejected earlier, but there was non one else I wanted to dance with.

2) I hugged her when I said goodbye. She kept talking to me for another few minutes then I went for another hug as I left. It was awkward.

3) she asked me my age and I told her to guess. She said 36 I told her 40.

4) I texted her the following morning. Some guys say wait a couple of days others say text when you want.

I haven't heard from her yet.

 

[coachD]

Appreciate your input and experience.

39 years as an AFC. Very late start. I wish I found this ten years ago.

I'd basically given up on girls about around the turn of the century. I had absolutely no idea what to do. I'd be nice and they'd flake or blow me off.

So I ate and drank myself silly. Almost 400 lbs silly. I'm down below 300 and I'm 6'6", so I have a better frame but again, still a little soft. I dress completely differently now thanks to SS. I'm considering getting into lifting again because of SS. Before I gave up on girls I had a decent build. I think I can get most of it back if I start getting serious with it.

So, it's an evolution. I just feel the pressure of getting older. If I'm not attracted to a 40 year old woman now, why would I be at 50?

I get IOIs from very cute twentysomethings and the cougars are throwing themselves at me. The cougars aren't quite as cute as TV and Hollywood make them out to be. Very sweet ladies, but no physical attraction on my part.

 

[EastvsWest]

Keep it up man. I am on a similar mission. My problem is thinking these chicks are dating material after 2 hrs. I pass up the same night lay thinking its the smart move. Its not as I have found out last few weeks. Like others have said strike while the iron is hot.

Thurs I had this cute chick wrapped up, lots of staring, grabbing ass, and kissing. Talked about going out again. I walk the chick home like a nice dude at 2 am and at this point it should of been game over, but instead I had thoughts of dating this chick and same night lays never work out. So I skip out, and we have one text exchange the next day and boom its over she never responds, she flaked on everything we talked about. So this summer my mission is to same night/day lay above a 6.5 in all situations. Looking for 4-5 new chicks.

So remember when u do escalate don't get caught up in what its, just DO.

 

[coachD]

Double post...

 

[coachD]

Evw I've had at least three of those fall in my lap since November. Two I was completely clueless and one I over thought. They all approached me. Just put that into perspective... How many other girls are easy prey?

Tonight's lessons :

Went to dance lessons tonight. My goal was to just be a friendly dude and say hi to people I'd normally ignore. This will probably help in the long run.

The first truly hot girl I got a number from since AA CHALLENGE is now dating one of the guys in our class. She never rejected me. I rejected myself. She gave me the number and in full "product overload" I NEVER *UCKING TEXTED HER "!!!!!!!! The girl was into me. Always asking me to dance all the time blah blah blah. Anyway, I missed my shot. It's like a knife in the chest.

The cougars and fatties are easy game for me. But I don't want them
I practice on them but stop short of escalating. There's not many attractive SINGLE ladies in class, so the previous dagger hurts. But at least these cougars and fatties seem to prove the" Secret of the Jerk" by Pook.

 

[coachD]

So I'm having a pity party this week. The "setbacks" can be devastating to AFCs.

But this morning...

I'm going over some notes with the kids and then passing papers out. One of the girls comes in late and just randomly blurts out that some girl in another class was talking about how cute i was.
I completely understand that nothing can come of that. I would never jeapordize my career or some 17 year olds life.

But her saying that came at the perfect time. She even went on to say that it wasn't just one girl, it was a bunch of them. She was going to start naming them but I jumped in and told her not to. I don't even want to know.

Between the cougars and students I at least know that I have a look going. Now it's time to work on charisma and charm.

Nice pick me up.

 

[coachD]

So I went out last night. Dinner at Bdubs then onto a regular bar where I've had lots of luck with girls. With the exception of getting them home.
Stopped by police because I went through a yellow that turned red. Luckily the cop was cool and didn't give me a ticket. I was worried that he'd smell beer on my breath. Fortunately I wasn't that far gone.

I go to the bar. As soon as I sit down there's this cute HB7.5 brunette smiling at me from about 5 seats down. I'm thinking how easy is this going to be?
I smile back and then start talking to the cute bartender who is always cool with me. I tell her about my cop incident mostly because I want HB7.5 seeing that the bartender approves of me.
Next thing I know here comes the girl. I hug her as she approaches. Don't know why, but I did.

HB: You don't recognize me do you?
Oh $hit.
Me: No, I'm sorry I don't.

Anyway, it turns out she was a trainer where I currently coach. She was heavier then and so was I. She tells me I've lost a lot of weight and we talk a little about how we both did that. So I'm gaming a former chubby trainer who's now a solid HB 22 year old.

We talk a lot. I'm not afraid to disagree with her about stuff and I'm doing my best to be a little flirty. I grab her hands and ask her about her nail polish, I put my arm on the back of her chair and rest it against her back. I lean in to hear what she has to say. Blah blah blah.

I get her number and text her to give her mine. She laughs and asks if I'm checking to see if it was her real number. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of I wanted her to have mine.

Somehow the subject of sex came up. She mentions she's read 50 Shades so I jump at the chance to tell her she likes to be dominated. She agrees to a point. She says she likes big guys to be in control. She mentions something about c0ck size as well. I think she was saying she needs one or the other or preferably both. I think I made a comment about me being bigger than her, etc...

Anytime I went to the bathroom some new orbiter appears. She engages them but her body is always turned towards me. Our knees are touching for most of the last part of the night (read somewhere that has some sort of meaning).

A girl and her boyfriend come over and get one of the coupons HB is handing out. She cuts hair and was giving these to people all night. HB and the guy are talking and I'm just staring at the guys girlfriend. Super hot braces. Damn.
When the couple leaves I decide to tell HB she needs to get braces because I think it's hot. She tells me about her glasses that she has at home. I joked with her about the hot librarian look. She says she's got the school girl plaid skirt as well.

The night ends. I ask her where she's going and she says her truck. I told her to get in mine. She says no so I tell her goodbye.

The most positive point of the night is that she texted me when she got home. "Night coachD hope you made it home safe". Besides me texting her my name right after getting her number I hadn't contacted her. Since most girls don't text me first I was encouraged by that but didn't respond.

This is my sticking point. I have things like this happen almost each week. Regardless of who approaches who, I've gotten good at getting into conversations with girls but I'm not able to get them home. I end up closing the bar with them and that's about it.

My thing is, should I just eject earlier? I'm having a good time talking with them, but I'm trying to get laid that night. I don't live in an area like Manhattan where I can do the Paul Janka or Goodlookingloser approaches. People drive everywhere down here, so the bars are the most consistently stocked option. But do I talk to her for 10 minutes then go to another bar? Go to another girl at the same bar? That's backfired on me as well. I talk to one girl, go to another then the first girl is cold.

Also, where to from here with her? I'd like to get together with her, but don't want it to end up being another me and her and tons of orbiting guys that she's entertaining.

 

[Pair A Dice]

I might have ejected earlier or tried to entertain the orbiters as well, since she was already all about you. Maybe even bounce her to another bar, if it's close.

 

[coachD]

Texting with the girl I met Friday night:

Saturday 2:02 AM

Her: Night coachD hope you made it home safe.

Sunday 2:14
Me: Yeah, made it home safe. Do you cook?
2:22
Her: Yes I cook
2:38
Me: Cool. I'll let you cook me dinner. (Don't remember where I read this, but credit to the author. I was pretty sure I'd never hear back from her after this line)
2:40
Her: Aww how sweet of you to allow me to cook for you.
3:01
Me: I know right? I'll do the dishes.
3:02
Her: Ok, the dishes are the worst part.
3:06
Me: Heading to dance class. We'll set a night later.
3:07
Her: Ok. Have fun at dance class.

I can't believe she didn't start ignoring me. I need to press this and see if I can really get her over. Should I tell her what night or ask her to tell me when she's got a free night this week? I seem to get flakes when I ask, "Let's get together this week. What night works best for you?". That seems to be the line most of us use. I was thinking of just telling her to come over on Thursday.

 

[EastvsWest]

You got response you are in. I say to just pick a day and tell her to come over. I also tend to get flakes if you ask them when they are free. If they like you they will be 99% free or counter with a date they can me it. Good luck dude.

 

[coachD]

Thanks man. I hope she doesn't flake, but we'll see. Live and learn.

I just texted her that Thursday is good for me.

 

[coachD]

Yesterday she said she thought she could do Thursday but needed to check her schedule. I haven't heard back from her yet. Thinking about texting her my address and telling her 7 is good with me.

EDIT: I'm getting cold feet now. This girl used to be a student at the school I work at. I'm wondering if that would cause problems. I may be the one to flake.

 

[EastvsWest]

Keyword is "used" to be right? I would stay away from making excuses and just tell her 7 pm is good on Thursday. What is the harm of a dinner?