Co worker told me she doesn't see me as someone talking to girls

[El Don]

I am cool with this co worker of mine (around 28). I'm not attracted to her, but we get along and always joke around at work. She randomly asked me if I have a girlfriend or if I had ever had one. She just wondered why this whole time we worked together I never talked about having a girlfriend, or anything like that. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was along the lines of how she can't see me as having that "swag" to be able to talk a bunch of girls.

I just played it off, but it kind of got to me. I'm kind of a reserved person, but I felt like I made a lot of progress over the years in being a little bit more social. I like to joke around with other girls at work to try and get more comfortable around them. I don't feel like I act submissive to women or over-compliment, but several girls I work with will flirt sometimes or joke back with me.

I guess what I'm trying to find out is what am I doing wrong or what should I be doing to not project this image she was talking about. Could it just be because I am not as out going? Maybe I appear too goofy or nice by joking around? Just trying to wrap my head around this. Appreciate any advice or input.

 

[Mike32ct]

Translation = "My hamster brain thinks you might be gay, but it's not PC to ask that, so I made up some shyte about lacking swag."

You don't have to change for her. Screw her.

But if you must interpret this, it's not because you're quiet. My guess is she prefers a more macho type, and you might be perceived as somewhat of an (for lack of a better word) effeminate metro type* guy. That plus no mention of girls equals gay in her chick hamster logic.

*This is just my gut feeling. Without knowing you in person, it's difficult to be sure.

 

[PlayHer Man]

The real question is.. why do you care what a woman who you're not attracted to thinks of you?

Want to here something funny? When it comes to women HB7 and above, I've NEVER heard any negative comments on my appearance (I'm probably an 8 in looks). No attractive woman has EVER attacked my looks to my face.

On the flip side... several HB4's and HB5's have insulted my looks. One chick told me I have "girl hands" another told me I have a "lazy eye". Both are false. One ugly chick told me that I'm balding at the crown (also false). Another ugly chick said I have wrinkles on my forehead.

Do you see a pattern? Its called "negging". A woman is insecure about being ugly so she tries to bring a man's self-esteem down by telling him he isn't that attractive. Likely an attempt to lower his self-esteem so he will lower his standards. Nice try! :crackup:

You have to remember that in the majority of interactions you have with women, they will be trying to manipulate you in some way. Don't listen to the words that come out of a woman's mouth. Women generally have nothing important to say 99% of the time.

 

[origin138]

"And you don't seem like the type to miss meals."

Echo what these guys are saying. It's tempting to fall into the trap of second guessing yourself when a "woman" says something moronic like this.

The bottom line is, her opinions and perceptions of you don't matter one bit. As a man, you hold high value.

If you can look at yourself in the mirror at the end of each day, and be happy with the gent you see, that's all that fvcking matters.

Best thing to do is convey with actions that her opinion holds zero value in your world. And, if you're like me, you'll limit your exposure to this chick. She sounds like she enjoys putting men down.

 

[plate's_empty]

I see it in a different way. You may be attracting this girl and she's confused. She was giving you a ***** test. She was prying, she's tying to categorize you.

EDIT:

Do you see a pattern? Its called "negging". A woman is insecure about being ugly so she tries to bring a man's self-esteem down by telling him he isn't that attractive. Likely an attempt to lower his self-esteem so he will lower his standards. Nice try!

What's the best way to handle this if you still want to bang her?

 

[Martin Shabazz Jr.]

Just think in 60 years you'll more than likely be dead and none of this will matter.

Stop worrying about irrelevant things.

 

[Warrior74]

You know what I want my coworkers to think? Especially the hot ones? That I'm the nice boring guy who sits in the back and produces video. BECAUSE I NEED MY JOB.

I'm more concerned with how women I'm trying to bang perceive me. I need my job locked down and safe with no rocking boats.

 

[the_untold_history]

why are you defensive about her questions? what are the answers?

 

[CostaDeSol]

On the flip side... several HB4's and HB5's have insulted my looks. One chick told me I have "girl hands" another told me I have a "lazy eye". Both are false. One ugly chick told me that I'm balding at the crown (also false). Another ugly chick said I have wrinkles on my forehead.

Do you see a pattern? Its called "negging". A woman is insecure about being ugly so she tries to bring a man's self-esteem down by telling him he isn't that attractive. Likely an attempt to lower his self-esteem

THIS.

An HB 3-4 told me that she doesn't think I "look like a man" because I'm thin and not beefy like a gorilla.

She has a $hit life (is not good looking, is poor, is REALY b!tchy) so i saw it as jealousy on her part.

 

[visions]

I am cool with this co worker of mine (around 28). I'm not attracted to her, but we get along and always joke around at work. She randomly asked me if I have a girlfriend or if I had ever had one. She just wondered why this whole time we worked together I never talked about having a girlfriend, or anything like that. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was along the lines of how she can't see me as having that "swag" to be able to talk a bunch of girls.

the female b!tch mentality pisses off my logical mind. they want to be treated as equals but then expect men to approach their spoiled disrespectful azzes while they sit back, relax, and talk sh!t

 

[origin138]

An HB 3-4 told me that she doesn't think I "look like a man" because I'm thin and not beefy like a gorilla.

She has a $hit life (is not good looking, is poor, is REALY b!tchy) so i saw it as jealousy on her part.

Generally, anytime someone shames/belittles another person, it comes from a place of tremendous insecurity. The overwhelming need to bring others to their level because they themselves are too weak to rise up and be better. It's really a giant compliment when you think about it.

 

[MikeOck]

I am cool with this co worker of mine (around 28). I'm not attracted to her, but we get along and always joke around at work....she can't see me as having that "swag" to be able to talk a bunch of girls.

Translation: "I've been flirting with you for months now and you haven't tried to get into my pants, so now I'm going to neg you a bit to see if you finally make a move".

 

[CostaDeSol]

Generally, anytime someone shames/belittles another person, it comes from a place of tremendous insecurity. The overwhelming need to bring others to their level because they themselves are too weak to rise up and be better. It's really a giant compliment when you think about it.

I think so too, and the OP should look at his situation similarly.