"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Co-worker Situation

bigbird090

Don Juan
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So I have a co-worker who wears a diamond ring on her left ring finger (engagement?). To sum it up, our "relationship" is as follows:

-we instant message all day about random things and topics
-she at times comes over for help with stuff (she's new to our team)
-once, I mentioned getting drinks/happy hour and she agreed and even provided places we could go to. She said she loved beer and even made it easy on me by telling me about a place connected to our building we could go to.
-never mentions a significant other/spouse/fiance/bf in our conversations
-we went out for lunch once and she said that we should sign up for trainings together (trainings = traveling at my job)
-One time, I stopped messaging her for a couple days except for quick comments/questions. At a lunch she told me that I hadn't been sending her messages anymore and that she is good at multi-tasking (I told her I didn't message her because she looked busy)

Anyways, today she told me about a house she was inquiring about. I told her to go for it since she can split the costs with her husband -I did this to get her to agree or tell me she's not married. She agreed about the costs, but said that it's more complicated than splitting the costs 50/50. Thus, I assumed she was married. In addition, she asked if I was married. I said "not even close" and she said, "well you don't know how it works".

What do I do now? Leave her alone?
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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B

BeDJ

Guest
In short, yes. There are many things that can blow up in your face should you pursue. Don't put your career in jeopardy.

Keep it professional, she is on your team.

Many women out there without associated risks.

Side note:
Good that you didn't respond for a couple of days
Bad that you explained why
 

bigbird090

Don Juan
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Makes sense. I'll just let it be.

Another thing that had me confused was that she also showed me modeling pics of herself.
 
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