Co-worker broke up with her LTR...

[TheCWord]

I have a very flirty relationship with this girl but she's been with this guy for 1.5-2 years.

They broke up (he cheated) and there is zero question about IF I should go for it... the question is WHEN.

The girl's obviously hurting and feels betrayed, and I enjoy her as a person and we occasionally hang out with the same people (but don't see much of each other at work) so this isn't a pump and dump plate.

What's the appropriate waiting period here, guys?

 

[TheCWord]

When you leave that job.

Rarely see her. Different departments. No danger of obsessing. The word "co-worker" is strictly a choice of noun.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You should have gone for it before typing your post. Now it's too late.

 

[TheCWord]

You should have gone for it before typing your post. Now it's too late.

You don't think jumping immediately on a girl who broke up with a 2-year boyfriend is a little soon?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I was just horsing around. I personally avoid rebounds at all costs but you seems very set on it. I think you should hang back and feel out the vibe she is giving off. There is no formula...it depends on her emotional state. I'm sure you're aware you might be stepping into some dangerous territory.

 

[VladPatton]

Try to work in a 'let's go out drinking so you forget your problems' kind of hang out. Just you and her, though. Make her laugh, get her buzzed, see where it takes you. But the fact that she is a co-worker AND just got fücked over in a relationship is not a good mix. She will firstly fück some stranger at a bar to feel better rather than someone she knows. I've seen this before. Some hurt girls go AWOL and bang some random dude while you're left holding your wang. All you can do is try.

 

[expos]

The girl's obviously hurting and feels betrayed, and I enjoy her as a person and we occasionally hang out with the same people (but don't see much of each other at work) so this isn't a pump and dump plate.

A lot of possible scenarios here, not many good.

1. You go after her, she rejects you because she's still hurting and not ready to date, you'll be seen as the creep who made the move on a vulnerable women. Word travels fast in any office...regardless of size.

2. You go after her, sleep with her because she's looking to rebound and get over her ex (because she's still pining for him)...but she's really using you to make her ex jealous so that he comes back. He comes back, you are finished in terms of a LTR.

3. You go after her, and get into a relationship, doesn't work out, things get uncomfortable.

I can't see a lot of good in this unless you plan on leaving that job soon.

 

[djjizzyjeff]

A lot of possible scenarios here, not many good.

1. You go after her, she rejects you because she's still hurting and not ready to date, you'll be seen as the creep who made the move on a vulnerable women. Word travels fast in any office...regardless of size.

2. You go after her, sleep with her because she's looking to rebound and get over her ex (because she's still pining for him)...but she's really using you to make her ex jealous so that he comes back. He comes back, you are finished in terms of a LTR.

3. You go after her, and get into a relationship, doesn't work out, things get uncomfortable.

I can't see a lot of good in this unless you plan on leaving that job soon.

Yep. Same scenarios I see with this chick I work with. On and off with her BF. I'd thought she'd broke up with him a while ago. Never heard her mention him when we'd talk. She'd even told me to hit her up if I was in her area. Next day another co-worker who knows nothing about us talking had just mentioned he'd talked to her and she'd mentioned her BF just got back from a place he'd mentioned.

Needless to say I'm not bothering giving her attention anymore. Keep it cordial but not wasting time with that nonsense.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Maybe the solution here is total honesty. Call her (maybe set it up with a text, "can we talk? I need to tell you something") and be completely honest.

Something like: "So, I like you. I have for a while, and I want to be more than friends. The problem is, I don't want to be your rebound, or jump in too soon after your break up"

Maybe it's a little sappy and beta (if you care about that word). But it does put your emotions into her head in a clear way. You don't seem creepy, and she knows you want more than one or two dates. Also you get to hear what she thinks about you and you can set up a date in the same phone call.

Not something I'd usually recommend but seems like it might work here.