I need help on approaching women in the clubs. I'm a 6'4 black male and I'm a good looking guy, but I can't dance at all and have no idea what to say to women in the club. Normally I get approached by one girl a night and they try to dance on me but when I try to dance back, their friends laugh at me and I get nervous. I have no idea what to say, how to dance or anything. Basically I go out, get tipsy and just stand around all night because I have no clue what to say and I'm really shy. I've watched Tyler Durdens blueprint, foundations, David D's stuff, etc. but their opening lines def wouldn't work on the type of girls I want. No way would a line like "do girls think the rockstar David Bowie is hot" work at the hip hop clubs that I go to. I see guys that are real smooth and can dance get the girls that I want. I'm soooo tired of going out and not having a clue what to do after watching all of these pickup seminars with their "corny lines" that have no chance of working on the girls I want. Do any of you have any advice on what I can do. I'm thinking if I had a few good things to say then ask for a number, I'd be ok.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
CLub Approach question
- Thread starter Dman101
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
BananaSmile
Don Juan
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legs - side steps right then left and ****
hips - forward and back (but include ur whole body)
pretty much it add some of ur own style
hips - forward and back (but include ur whole body)
pretty much it add some of ur own style
PlaysToWin
Don Juan
Nobody* at a club knows how to dance. Just dance anyway and stop caring so much about how you look to others. Besides, girls laughing at you means they are paying attention to you in he first place. Much better than being ignored.
I don't know how to dance, I've never taken any lessons or watched youtube videos or anything but a few weeks ago I actually had 2 girls pull me out of my group of guys and told me that I was a good dancer. From that I can only assume that carrying yourself with confidence and having a goood time (which I was) is far more important than actually having any dance skills (which I don't).
* slight exaggeration
I don't know how to dance, I've never taken any lessons or watched youtube videos or anything but a few weeks ago I actually had 2 girls pull me out of my group of guys and told me that I was a good dancer. From that I can only assume that carrying yourself with confidence and having a goood time (which I was) is far more important than actually having any dance skills (which I don't).
* slight exaggeration
Well the thing is my roomate told me to never ever dance with a girl because it looks funny and everytime a girl comes to grind on me they always walk away after a minute so I accept that dancing isnt really for me. Is there some kind of direct approach i can just do and ask for a number so that I can get approaching under my belt. I'm tall and look good so I should be able to have success based on that as long as my approach isnt horrible. Any ideas
Lol at the replies. If you have frequented ONE Hip Hop/R&B club, let alone many, then you would understand what the OP is talking about.... You can't teach the OP how to do a two step via youtube and then he hits the club and the chick starts dropping, rotating and percolating on him and he is all off beat and messing up the vibe and the chick eventually leaves him or her friends laugh at how awkward they look.
Anyways to the DMAN101, the mainstream seduction stuff is good for mindset and all but as for routines for your average black chick, fvck it.
In my experiences, the guys having success with black chicks are just direct. Not always to the point of, say, Gunwitch but the girls they talk to know that he is interested and wants to see her again.
As for your predicament, you could always
a) Laugh it off and then it won't seem like such a big deal
b) Practice: Go to clubs that you are not crazy about and practice grinding there. Just listen to the music, watch people that can dance and tweak what you are doing little by little.
c) Go to a place where dancing isn't a prerequisite. If you are intent on staying in the club scene, have you tried going to the club and just posting up at the bar, the couches or anywhere away from the dancefloor?
d) Check out different venues where dancing isn't required such as sports bars, or hunt for chicks during the day.
Judgin from the fact that you are shy and don't know what to say, I think you need to start breaking out of your boundaries so I suggest A then C then B before you are confident enough for D. As a black dude, there isn't much actual game you can read up on online. If you know any guys that are good with women, just pick their brains and try what they say... see what whats for you and what doesn't.
Just remember, you are trying to get her attracted and/or trying to show her that you two have things in common that would make hanging out enjoyable. Instead trying to memorize some scripts or lines, just have conversations and then ask yourself whether the actions and topics helped create attraction/rapport or not and adjust accordingly
Anyways to the DMAN101, the mainstream seduction stuff is good for mindset and all but as for routines for your average black chick, fvck it.
In my experiences, the guys having success with black chicks are just direct. Not always to the point of, say, Gunwitch but the girls they talk to know that he is interested and wants to see her again.
As for your predicament, you could always
a) Laugh it off and then it won't seem like such a big deal
b) Practice: Go to clubs that you are not crazy about and practice grinding there. Just listen to the music, watch people that can dance and tweak what you are doing little by little.
c) Go to a place where dancing isn't a prerequisite. If you are intent on staying in the club scene, have you tried going to the club and just posting up at the bar, the couches or anywhere away from the dancefloor?
d) Check out different venues where dancing isn't required such as sports bars, or hunt for chicks during the day.
Judgin from the fact that you are shy and don't know what to say, I think you need to start breaking out of your boundaries so I suggest A then C then B before you are confident enough for D. As a black dude, there isn't much actual game you can read up on online. If you know any guys that are good with women, just pick their brains and try what they say... see what whats for you and what doesn't.
Just remember, you are trying to get her attracted and/or trying to show her that you two have things in common that would make hanging out enjoyable. Instead trying to memorize some scripts or lines, just have conversations and then ask yourself whether the actions and topics helped create attraction/rapport or not and adjust accordingly
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Yea its really tough out there. Normally I just stand around and sometime girls approach me and start dancing on me, I guess I need to just grab them and talk to them. I'm tired of getting looked at funny.
When I do try to talk to them, I just say what sup, wats ur name, give them my name, Where you from, Then I freeze and stall out because I dont know what else to do. I'm really out of the game these days , had a really bad online poker addiction the past 2 yrs that I'm just starting to see how stupid it is and trying to quit. I'm 25 got all the superficial stuff like look, height, luxury car, good job, own place, but I dont have good social skills or confidence. In college I met over 100 girls from online in person but lately I'm so out of things so I'm just trying to get back in touch with real life. ANy advice on what to say or do?
When I do try to talk to them, I just say what sup, wats ur name, give them my name, Where you from, Then I freeze and stall out because I dont know what else to do. I'm really out of the game these days , had a really bad online poker addiction the past 2 yrs that I'm just starting to see how stupid it is and trying to quit. I'm 25 got all the superficial stuff like look, height, luxury car, good job, own place, but I dont have good social skills or confidence. In college I met over 100 girls from online in person but lately I'm so out of things so I'm just trying to get back in touch with real life. ANy advice on what to say or do?
I can't really give you any concrete information on getting better in the club because as my journal shows, I'm still working out kinks, lol.
First off, fvck all the superficial/irrelevant sh!t like your car or your looks. Those things are icing on the cake after the girl is really interested, those are not what you want them to be interested in, believe me. If so, you are just gonna attract the wrong girls with that, especially in the Hip Hop clubs. You need to be more confident and only field experience will get you that.
You gotta just throw yourself out there. At 25 you probably are interested in more meaningful relationships as opposed to constant one night stands, especially if you ran amok with online dating. When it comes time to settle down, you want to know that you are with a great woman that you have a lot in common with, not that this is the only girl that didnt walk away when you couldn't dance. Can you imagine being married to some chick that you hate because you didn't want to be more outgoing in life so you ended up settling and selling yourself short? That should be all the motivation you need.
Honestly, it is gonna take a bit of time and a lot of rejection. Rejection usually affects people the same: when it first happens, you are amazed coz this is what you feared all this time and it isn't that bad... then when it happens a lot, you get frustrated and start to feel like you aren't making progress and then after a bit of success, rejection eventually becomes a part of life.
Good luck man, I'd say start a journal so that everyone can see what is going on with your approaches and try and help you out with things you are doing wrong, but I secretly love approach journals so I am a bit biased.
First off, fvck all the superficial/irrelevant sh!t like your car or your looks. Those things are icing on the cake after the girl is really interested, those are not what you want them to be interested in, believe me. If so, you are just gonna attract the wrong girls with that, especially in the Hip Hop clubs. You need to be more confident and only field experience will get you that.
You gotta just throw yourself out there. At 25 you probably are interested in more meaningful relationships as opposed to constant one night stands, especially if you ran amok with online dating. When it comes time to settle down, you want to know that you are with a great woman that you have a lot in common with, not that this is the only girl that didnt walk away when you couldn't dance. Can you imagine being married to some chick that you hate because you didn't want to be more outgoing in life so you ended up settling and selling yourself short? That should be all the motivation you need.
Honestly, it is gonna take a bit of time and a lot of rejection. Rejection usually affects people the same: when it first happens, you are amazed coz this is what you feared all this time and it isn't that bad... then when it happens a lot, you get frustrated and start to feel like you aren't making progress and then after a bit of success, rejection eventually becomes a part of life.
Good luck man, I'd say start a journal so that everyone can see what is going on with your approaches and try and help you out with things you are doing wrong, but I secretly love approach journals so I am a bit biased.