I write this for myself as a lesson to remember. I don't write for debate or conversation or kudos but to solidify my thoughts in my mind. Closure is bullshyt. Let's look at the definition of the word.
Merriam Webster defines closure as :
The keywords that stand out in this definition for me is comforting, satisfying and desire. I'll come back to that.
Here's what happened.
A young man stands outside a bar raging and crying over being cut off by the woman he loves.
A Warrior pass by. After a long 13 hour day he deserves a whiskey.
Young Man : Warrior, why did she leave me? Why won't she talk to me? Whhhhyyyyy! *pounding on the hood of his car*
Warrior : It doesn't matter. Closure is bullshyt.
Young Man : Wait, what?
Warrior : Closure is bullsh1t.
Young Man : But if I could just talk to her one more time....
Warrior : Fvck that. Fvck her. If she chooses someone else, or nothing else. So be it. If she won't talk to you. Leave it behind. You cannot control other people, you can only control yourself. And you're not even doing that.
Young Man : But you don't understand. I stopped being a player for her. I gave up my other girls. I stopped drinking and partying with my bros. I was going to get us a place together. I don't understand how she could just cut me out of her life!
Warrior : So you mean to tell me that you changed everything that made her attracted to you and you can't figure out why she's no longer attracted to you? Wake up. Use your brain. Closure is bullshyt.
Young Man : But why is closure bullshyt?
Warrior : Here's why. You want a comforting story so you don't have to take the rejection personally. You want a reason to pin it on her. You don't want to think it was anything that you did. You are afraid that it is.
Young Man : But I didn't do anything wrong!
Warrior : Then why do you need closure? If you were honorable and true to yourself, you shouldn't feel bad that she choose poorly. You should be relieved that you aren't stuck with a stupid woman. If deep down you know she left you because you went soft and weak, you might want to shift the blame to preserve your ego. Closure is bullshyt.
Young Man : Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about, you're just old and bitter.
Warrior : Now you lash out at me. Fine, I'll be old and bitter and I'll enjoy my drink, good luck young man. Oh. By by the way, go bang 10 other girls and let me know if you still feel this way afterward.
*The Warrior goes to his whiskey and his friends to have a good time, the young man continues to pout while the lovely HB4 who wants to bang him comforts him. The young man finally gets drunk enough to let her drive him home. (HA HA) The Warrior relaxes knowing all will be right with the world, or not.
What does it matter, there is money to make and whiskey to drink after the money is made.
Comforting. Satisfying. Desire.
Those are the key words that define closure. Closure is seeking what we want to hear and not the truth. Closure is not truth. Most people can't handle the truth. To be a man is to deal with ambiguity and uncertainty for all the days of your life. Men create rules, religion, philosophy, art, music, science, knowledge, civilization and beer as ways to deal with the unknown. The way you deal with uncertainty is be looking at the facts and the truth. You must assess yourself honestly. You must assess your actions and motives honestly. You must be able to accept that you will never know the truth behind another person's actions and motivations. You can only accept their actions and react accordingly. If that means walking away and discarding the doubt, so be it. If it means realizing how weak and pathetic you are and deciding to fix up, then do that. But groveling for closure is unmanly and even if given, it will be unsatisfying because their will always be doubt. (Let's be honest, who here has never once found it easier to lie about why you were dumping a woman? It didn't feel good, but it was the easiest way to get them to go away. They don't call it letting them down easy for nothing.)
The only course for mental well being is to look within, be honest with yourself, and then let it go and fix what you know needs fixing. Looking for an ex to sooth your hurt ego and massage your precious bruised feelings is retarded.
Either make it fuel or jettison it. Those are your choices.
Merriam Webster defines closure as :
Wikipedia defines it in psychological terms as :
The keywords that stand out in this definition for me is comforting, satisfying and desire. I'll come back to that.
Here's what happened.
A young man stands outside a bar raging and crying over being cut off by the woman he loves.
A Warrior pass by. After a long 13 hour day he deserves a whiskey.
Young Man : Warrior, why did she leave me? Why won't she talk to me? Whhhhyyyyy! *pounding on the hood of his car*
Warrior : It doesn't matter. Closure is bullshyt.
Young Man : Wait, what?
Warrior : Closure is bullsh1t.
Young Man : But if I could just talk to her one more time....
Warrior : Fvck that. Fvck her. If she chooses someone else, or nothing else. So be it. If she won't talk to you. Leave it behind. You cannot control other people, you can only control yourself. And you're not even doing that.
Young Man : But you don't understand. I stopped being a player for her. I gave up my other girls. I stopped drinking and partying with my bros. I was going to get us a place together. I don't understand how she could just cut me out of her life!
Warrior : So you mean to tell me that you changed everything that made her attracted to you and you can't figure out why she's no longer attracted to you? Wake up. Use your brain. Closure is bullshyt.
Young Man : But why is closure bullshyt?
Warrior : Here's why. You want a comforting story so you don't have to take the rejection personally. You want a reason to pin it on her. You don't want to think it was anything that you did. You are afraid that it is.
Young Man : But I didn't do anything wrong!
Warrior : Then why do you need closure? If you were honorable and true to yourself, you shouldn't feel bad that she choose poorly. You should be relieved that you aren't stuck with a stupid woman. If deep down you know she left you because you went soft and weak, you might want to shift the blame to preserve your ego. Closure is bullshyt.
Young Man : Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about, you're just old and bitter.
Warrior : Now you lash out at me. Fine, I'll be old and bitter and I'll enjoy my drink, good luck young man. Oh. By by the way, go bang 10 other girls and let me know if you still feel this way afterward.
*The Warrior goes to his whiskey and his friends to have a good time, the young man continues to pout while the lovely HB4 who wants to bang him comforts him. The young man finally gets drunk enough to let her drive him home. (HA HA) The Warrior relaxes knowing all will be right with the world, or not.
What does it matter, there is money to make and whiskey to drink after the money is made.
Comforting. Satisfying. Desire.
Those are the key words that define closure. Closure is seeking what we want to hear and not the truth. Closure is not truth. Most people can't handle the truth. To be a man is to deal with ambiguity and uncertainty for all the days of your life. Men create rules, religion, philosophy, art, music, science, knowledge, civilization and beer as ways to deal with the unknown. The way you deal with uncertainty is be looking at the facts and the truth. You must assess yourself honestly. You must assess your actions and motives honestly. You must be able to accept that you will never know the truth behind another person's actions and motivations. You can only accept their actions and react accordingly. If that means walking away and discarding the doubt, so be it. If it means realizing how weak and pathetic you are and deciding to fix up, then do that. But groveling for closure is unmanly and even if given, it will be unsatisfying because their will always be doubt. (Let's be honest, who here has never once found it easier to lie about why you were dumping a woman? It didn't feel good, but it was the easiest way to get them to go away. They don't call it letting them down easy for nothing.)
The only course for mental well being is to look within, be honest with yourself, and then let it go and fix what you know needs fixing. Looking for an ex to sooth your hurt ego and massage your precious bruised feelings is retarded.
Either make it fuel or jettison it. Those are your choices.
