Clingy as hell

[Cinamon]

I met this guy last summer, fancied the pants of him and so started gettin to know him better. All of a sudden he got really intense and clingy and started phoning and messaging me round the clock. I told him I found him really intense and he was suffocating me and asked him to tone it down, but he didn't. Then from September onwards I started ignoring his calls and texts.

In december I got a call of a number I didn't recognize and answered to find him on the other side. We had a lenghty chat and starting talking again. I spent a bit of time with him, but he has gone all intense again. It's driving me nuts. He is gorgeous, but I can't bring myself to commit to him because of his behaviour. Appearance wise he is better lookin than me, got a heart of gold, but he just suffocates me. How do I get him to give me space and not lose him?

 

[Proselytiser]

You are an attention *****. Stop posting here

 

[slaog]

He's just a typical AFC. That clingy behaviour turns you off as it would for most women.


He won't change overnight so maybe you should cut him off quickly instead of giving him false hope. Also you should let him know the reason you're not attracted to him.

 

[tafakna]

Appearance wise he is better lookin than me, got a heart of gold, but he just suffocates me. How do I get him to give me space and not lose him?

Nice to get a girls perspective here.

You can't! He needs to learn by seeing the consequences of his actions; and keep in mind that some people never learn. It's like he doesn't respect himself so why would you?

Men tend to fall faster and to get more desperate until they feel in control. So technically you would have to flood him with calls and messages until he'd feel secure and think you're a bit clingy.

I think the bottom line here is for all the resentful people on this board to see the other side: a girl who likes a guy but will not stay with him because he's clingy and insecure.

 

[Ice882]

You are an attention *****. Stop posting here

You're a bitter d1ck. Stop posting here.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

I met this guy last summer, fancied the pants of him and so started gettin to know him better. All of a sudden he got really intense and clingy and started phoning and messaging me round the clock. I told him I found him really intense and he was suffocating me and asked him to tone it down, but he didn't. Then from September onwards I started ignoring his calls and texts.

In december I got a call of a number I didn't recognize and answered to find him on the other side. We had a lenghty chat and starting talking again. I spent a bit of time with him, but he has gone all intense again. It's driving me nuts. He is gorgeous, but I can't bring myself to commit to him because of his behaviour. Appearance wise he is better lookin than me, got a heart of gold, but he just suffocates me. How do I get him to give me space and not lose him?

"Stop contacting me so much. I want a man who has a life besides me. I know you're crazy for me, but I want a man who can control his craziness and doesn't need my love like it's a drug. I find drug addicts to be depressing people who have no hope unless they can change their unhealthy behavior."

I hope you don't smoke rocks or blow trees

 

[katatonia]

How do I get him to give me space and not lose him?

Why exactly do you want to not lose him?

He's a grade-A AFC. I guess you could tell him straight up that he's not giving you enough space and if he doesn't stop bothering you so much then he's out of your life completely. Remember overt language like this ACTUALLY WORKS on guys so don't fear using it.

Or do you mean you still want to keep him in your life (in the friends zone) for attention? Bad girl. :nono:

 

[Cinamon]

Why exactly do you want to not lose him?

He's a grade-A AFC. I guess you could tell him straight up that he's not giving you enough space and if he doesn't stop bothering you so much then he's out of your life completely. Remember overt language like this ACTUALLY WORKS on guys so don't fear using it.

Or do you mean you still want to keep him in your life (in the friends zone) for attention? Bad girl. :nono:

Oh no, i fancy him, he is so good looking, i lust over him. Personality wise, he is great too, not only does he level up with my ethos and values, he exceeds them and has more of a social conscience than me. Career wise, he is doing very well too, working while completing his Phd, so the potential for a safe secure future is there too. Hi has the same ancestorial heritage as me, and although my family lost that over the generations, he is reintroducing that in to my life. You know, if he could tone down the intenseness he would make a good long term boyfriend/husband.

Men tend to fall faster and to get more desperate until they feel in control. So technically you would have to flood him with calls and messages until he'd feel secure and think you're a bit clingy.

Would this really work, I am willing to give it a go, but then i am in the dilemma where i am spending all that time with him again.

 

[shaunuk]

Clingy guys (and girls) rarely change - it's part of their personality. By analogy, I've had clingy girlfriends and you can have as many chats with them as you want but they still retain that behavior even if they stop calling/txting you 24/7 for a while. It'll get to the point where you can barely go out with your girl friends without him kicking up a paddy about it. Then you get the depressing suffocated feeling. . . it's not great.

I've tried in the past to stop clingy behavior of girlfriends and other girls but it never works for more than a week or so. You could give it a try but I don't think you'll succeed - it's more than just being clingy - it's something deeper about their personality - it's a neediness or insecurity of some sort.

 

[tafakna]

Cinamon,

Honestly I have no idea what can be done. Try following "I'm in the Mood"'s advice, but I'm afraid will only make him more desperate.

It happens both to men and women. I've dated a gorgeous smart girl, who were incredible insecure. I've hooked up again with her 3 years later, and she was still the same.

It would help if you could give more details on your relationship. How was the relationship like? Did he have any reasons for feeling insecure (like an ex-bf, another guy, etc)? How clingy was he?

 

[seano99]

it depends on his personality.

if he is naturally confident and not normally needy, etc, you might be making him feel insecure. if you make him feel secure he'll therefore tone it down.

if not, then just tell him outright. at least you're being honest and he'll respect that. nothing worse than a chick who ends things out of the blue - or like you did, ignoring his calls/messages....

cinnamon how often are you seeing him? what is your definition of clingy?

 

[Ease]

Link him to this website and tell him of the ways of seduction.

 

[Joe Stud]

Sit him down and explain things to him... in detail. It happened to me when I was afc. It didn't last though. the good news is, it wont take long before he's settled down, and treating you like Al Bundy treats Peg Bundy on married with children. Men's attentiveness tends to fade out, and then he will be telling you to get your fat a$$ out the way of the tv set, and to make yourself useful, and go get him a friggin beer! LOL

 

[Crazy Asian]

give him a link to this site, and we'll set him straight

 

[Cinamon]

I dont want to link him to the website, because he will read all my previous posts and realise im not as pious as i made out i was.

realtionship wise, we have been dating, use the bf gf terms, but i havent put out yet, because realistically we havent been together that long, and I think he doesnt think i would put out for atleast another couple of mnoths, and he isnt pressurising me to do so.

His clingy behaviour that bothers me is the following:

If he isnt studying or working he wants to spend all his time with me
he phones round the clock and texts all the time
He knows what time i get up in the morning and i usually have at least one text before i have even got out the shower
He texts and if i dont reply, he will text and text again
When i am at work, he expects me to be available to talk to him on the phone
its got to the point where talking to him has become a chore and i feel like he is draining my energy.

We are going out after i finish work today, and I am going to have the dsicussion with him and call it a day. I figure i need to tell him how he was way too intense for me, and i couldnt handle the cnstant need for attention. Hopefully he will take it rather well.

 

[tafakna]

If he isnt studying or working he wants to spend all his time with me
he phones round the clock and texts all the time
He knows what time i get up in the morning and i usually have at least one text before i have even got out the shower
He texts and if i dont reply, he will text and text again
When i am at work, he expects me to be available to talk to him on the phone
its got to the point where talking to him has become a chore and i feel like he is draining my energy.

We are going out after i finish work today, and I am going to have the dsicussion with him and call it a day. I figure i need to tell him how he was way too intense for me, and i couldnt handle the cnstant need for attention. Hopefully he will take it rather well.

Cinamon,

You seem like a reasonable straight shooter so keep shooting straight. Someone who wants to live life to the fullest is intense. This guy is simply Clingy as Hell (in your own words).

I have a friend pretty much like you described. The problem is that he has things so easy (anywhere he goes, girls will just find and excuse to start a conversation) that he never runs out of victims; thus never has the chance to improve.

I would err on the side of being mean, rather than being too light during your discussion today. I'm not sure if you will be able to change him now, but at least you will help him in the long run.

 

[HalfAddict]

I disagree, he isn't bitter, she is an attention wh0re, and no It's not nice to get a woman's perspective on this site you ****in afc.:trouble:

Cinamon go to romanceclass.com or some****... gtfo

 

[Cinamon]

So, we went out last night, had the dreaded discussion. Told him it wasnt working, and he went silent, then i tried explaining why it wasnt working and he started crying. I tried consoling him, but then i felt he just werent handling it very well, and i felt myself questioning my judgement and whether i made the right decision. I knew that if i stayed there any longer, i would feel guilty and get drawn in again so i excused myself, said he needed to be alone and that i would explain it to him over the phone when he was up for it. I know i didnt handle this well, but i didnt know what else to do, having found myself in that situation.

I tried phoning him again to see if he was ok, and he answered, said hello and went silent again. He texted me later asking if i had met someone else who i liked and whether that was the reason. I feel like a ***** for doing this, but he needed to know why it werent working out, cause i dont want him to make the same mistake with the next person. I feel liberated, having not heard from him since then.

Half addict, i may be in part an attention *****, but i get the feeling you are probably clingy like this guy. Has my post hit too close to home for you? I love romance, but i havent done anything wrong, i dont need my man thinking he needs to be with me around the clock. Healthy successful relationships are always those where the couplespend time apart as well as together.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

I dont want to link him to the website, because he will read all my previous posts and realise im not as pious as i made out i was.

This doesn't add up. Why would you give him your screen name? This is like saying, "I don't want to take off my glasses in public because then everyone will know I'm Superman."

I still don't buy that you're a female, but if you really are I have a feeling you would benefit far more from catchhimandkeephim.com or whatever than this site. This is a site for men. Not trying to be rude, but you don't belong here if you are indeed a chick.

 

[katatonia]

So, we went out last night, had the dreaded discussion. Told him it wasnt working, and he went silent, then i tried explaining why it wasnt working and he started crying. I tried consoling him, but then i felt he just werent handling it very well, and i felt myself questioning my judgement and whether i made the right decision. I knew that if i stayed there any longer, i would feel guilty and get drawn in again so i excused myself, said he needed to be alone and that i would explain it to him over the phone when he was up for it. I know i didnt handle this well, but i didnt know what else to do, having found myself in that situation.

I tried phoning him again to see if he was ok, and he answered, said hello and went silent again. He texted me later asking if i had met someone else who i liked and whether that was the reason. I feel like a ***** for doing this, but he needed to know why it werent working out, cause i dont want him to make the same mistake with the next person. I feel liberated, having not heard from him since then.

LOL! I actually didn't expect that... really. Are you sure this guy is a male? Does he have a pen1s and balls?

Sorry it didn't work out as planned.

Now come on please tell me that you are not attracted to him anymore. I wish I could make this many extreme AFC mistakes and still have a girl interested in me...