Ok so here's a situation that just happened to me. Not saying I handled it right, or wrong, just wanted to share.
New chick I started dating.. we'd had one date, we had sex after I cajoled her into it (described in another post). Then she had to go out of town to visit her family over the thanksgiving weekend. She's back in town now and wanted to set something up with me.
So Sunday she said she was free either Tuesday or Friday. My rule of thumb is: any time a woman gives you two days, always choose the later day. Otherwise you look desperate. Every time I've broken this rule I've gotten the shaft. The only exception is when the second day is on a Friday or Saturday, then usually you'll choose the first day (eg., Thurs or Fri, choose Thurs). I know all these rules sound silly, but believe me, when they're broken you get screwed over, at least I always have. This case was a toughie, and I think I made the wrong choice.
I chose Tuesday.
...
So today (Monday) she texts me some long-ass message saying, "My housekeeper is coming over tomorrow, and she hasn't told me when yet, and I won't know until 3pm. And I can't leave while she's here, so it might be too late to get together. So let me know if you want me to let you know when I know, or if you want to reschedule."
I'm like WTF is this. After a couple of texts to clarify what the hell she's talking about, I think about it for awhile and text, "Let's just do it some other time." This was not easy for me because she's a star in bed. I was very, very tempted to go, "Just let me know when you're free, I'd like to see you." Very tempted.
No response for 10 minutes. Then she texts and goes, "She just called and is coming over early, so I'll be free after all."
I text back and say: "Look, I was looking forward to seeing you, but now I feel like you're jerking me around and that's a bad feeling to have. If you can commit to a time tomorrow, great, if not we can do it another day."
So then she calls me up, voice, and starts saying, "I'm sorry I wasn't trying to jerk you around, it's just that blah blah blah housekeeper blah blah I wanted your input blah blah. But now I know I'll be free at 6PM. We can go to [place we talked about]."
I'm like, "Ok fine." And then told her that texting leaves people open to misunderstandings, blah blah blah, BS like that so she had plausible deniability about her game-playing.
....
So I'm thinking classic sh*t/neediness test? I mean, we got together once, screwed once, and haven't seen each other in almost 2 weeks since. I brought it on by agreeing to the earlier date which showed neediness. Fortunately I think I was able to turn it around by passing this "confirmation sh*t test."
The reason I say this is because I failed almost the exact same test back in 2002. I'd had a date with a chick, we screwed on the first date, she'd offered me two days she was available, I'd chosen the first day, and when I got there she was totally cold to me and kicked me out before anything physical happened. Terrible experience.
I think if you fail a small test (like the 'choose between two days' test), they will then hit you with a larger test to see if you're really weak/needy after all. I call this a "confirmation sh*t test" or "amplified sh*t test." The trick is spotting the smaller one so you don't accidentally fail it and then have to pass a more difficult followup.
I also find it helpful to share my feelings during the exchange once I've passed the brunt of the test ("I feel like you're jerking me around") rather than just play tit-for-tat game against game with them. It makes me look human and it makes her the 'bad guy' which she has to apologize for and smooth over.
Anyway, I'm not saying that others should do this, or even that this was the right thing to do. Just wanted to share it and my thoughts about it.
EDIT: She just sent me a text saying, "Thanks for talking, glad it worked out. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow
"
EDIT2: To address the post below this one. Funny you should say that, I'm thinking that this isn't over quite yet too. I think she's going to throw something else at me before 'victory' can be declared. So yes I totally agree with you. Fortuntately, I'm in the position of not really caring, since I screwed another chick last night.
New chick I started dating.. we'd had one date, we had sex after I cajoled her into it (described in another post). Then she had to go out of town to visit her family over the thanksgiving weekend. She's back in town now and wanted to set something up with me.
So Sunday she said she was free either Tuesday or Friday. My rule of thumb is: any time a woman gives you two days, always choose the later day. Otherwise you look desperate. Every time I've broken this rule I've gotten the shaft. The only exception is when the second day is on a Friday or Saturday, then usually you'll choose the first day (eg., Thurs or Fri, choose Thurs). I know all these rules sound silly, but believe me, when they're broken you get screwed over, at least I always have. This case was a toughie, and I think I made the wrong choice.
I chose Tuesday.
...
So today (Monday) she texts me some long-ass message saying, "My housekeeper is coming over tomorrow, and she hasn't told me when yet, and I won't know until 3pm. And I can't leave while she's here, so it might be too late to get together. So let me know if you want me to let you know when I know, or if you want to reschedule."
I'm like WTF is this. After a couple of texts to clarify what the hell she's talking about, I think about it for awhile and text, "Let's just do it some other time." This was not easy for me because she's a star in bed. I was very, very tempted to go, "Just let me know when you're free, I'd like to see you." Very tempted.
No response for 10 minutes. Then she texts and goes, "She just called and is coming over early, so I'll be free after all."
I text back and say: "Look, I was looking forward to seeing you, but now I feel like you're jerking me around and that's a bad feeling to have. If you can commit to a time tomorrow, great, if not we can do it another day."
So then she calls me up, voice, and starts saying, "I'm sorry I wasn't trying to jerk you around, it's just that blah blah blah housekeeper blah blah I wanted your input blah blah. But now I know I'll be free at 6PM. We can go to [place we talked about]."
I'm like, "Ok fine." And then told her that texting leaves people open to misunderstandings, blah blah blah, BS like that so she had plausible deniability about her game-playing.
....
So I'm thinking classic sh*t/neediness test? I mean, we got together once, screwed once, and haven't seen each other in almost 2 weeks since. I brought it on by agreeing to the earlier date which showed neediness. Fortunately I think I was able to turn it around by passing this "confirmation sh*t test."
The reason I say this is because I failed almost the exact same test back in 2002. I'd had a date with a chick, we screwed on the first date, she'd offered me two days she was available, I'd chosen the first day, and when I got there she was totally cold to me and kicked me out before anything physical happened. Terrible experience.
I think if you fail a small test (like the 'choose between two days' test), they will then hit you with a larger test to see if you're really weak/needy after all. I call this a "confirmation sh*t test" or "amplified sh*t test." The trick is spotting the smaller one so you don't accidentally fail it and then have to pass a more difficult followup.
I also find it helpful to share my feelings during the exchange once I've passed the brunt of the test ("I feel like you're jerking me around") rather than just play tit-for-tat game against game with them. It makes me look human and it makes her the 'bad guy' which she has to apologize for and smooth over.
Anyway, I'm not saying that others should do this, or even that this was the right thing to do. Just wanted to share it and my thoughts about it.
EDIT: She just sent me a text saying, "Thanks for talking, glad it worked out. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow
"EDIT2: To address the post below this one. Funny you should say that, I'm thinking that this isn't over quite yet too. I think she's going to throw something else at me before 'victory' can be declared. So yes I totally agree with you. Fortuntately, I'm in the position of not really caring, since I screwed another chick last night.
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