"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Christmas Dinner or Not?

VladPatton

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backbreaker said:
I'm seriously convinced.. someone ought to try this lol, that I could make a post that says


"this girl offered to give me a 24 hour straight blow job, after which she will cook a 3 course meal of my choosing and give me a back massage while I watch a breaking bad marathon"

and someone would find something wrong with the situation by overgeneralizing it
Pffft!...she's clearly controlling him with that BJ!! Dump her, spin more plates! hahaha
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Peaks&Valleys

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Die Hard said:
Don't let yourself get carried away, Des.

How much you allow yourself to get carried away with a girl, should depend on the level of qualification that has taken place so far. And one month of dating is certainly not enough qualification to allow yourself to get carried away with thoughts of an LTR, man...

Ask yourself why you started this thread. You know it's not really about the dinner, rather it's about the implications behind that dinner. If you admit that you want to be there and she admits that she wants you to be there, then you guys admit that you want to be serious/get into an LTR. The fact that she stayed vague about what she wants, bugs you. You want to hear her say that she likes you to come over. But she didn't, so you start this thread and hope for us to confirm that her starting that conversation in the first place is prove enough that she wants you to come (thus, that she wants to be serious/get into an LTR).

I'm sensing too much outcome dependency from you, my friend...


Does a man tell a woman he loves her first or does he wait for her to say it first? Does a man jump through a woman's hoops or does he make her jump through his hoops? Is a man in control of the relationship when he's the one who cares most or is he in control of the relationship when he's the one who cares least?

You know how it works, Des. But here we are, SHE wouldn't admit that she wanted you to come over and made YOU say it first, to which you caved. You behaved like a good pet animal, jumping though her hoop, like she wanted you to. Handing the frame over to her, like she wanted you to.

You are losing the game right now. You're allowing yourself to get carried away with thoughts of an LTR too soon and you're surrendering the frame. It's a slippery slope, you best get yourself in check before it's too late...

Furthermore, I believe the way she handled this situation is a red flag. It reeks of commitment issues and an inability to form healthy relationships. I'm picking up a bad vibe from that specific line "Not sure how you feel about that, not sure how I feel about it" (I'm sure the guys on here with much BPD experience will agree). All the more reason not to get too carried away here, Des. Focus on doing more qualification! (I'm sure the dinner will provide lots of opportunity for that ;))
This^^^ is one of the top 5 posts I've read on this forum.

I'm the last one to tell anyone to eject or next a chick, but in this case, I'm not feeling it. You've put in too much, while the whole time she's sat back and watched you over commit and dance around for her and her parents. Then, while you're dancing, she heads to the back room to text some other dude.

I like to give the benefit of the doubt but, in this case, the situation reeks.....

My advice: Eject.

Otherwise, back up, give it space. You've put your work in. See what she gives in return. Then, while and if she reciprocates, don't put up with her wish washy B.S.
 
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zekko

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Peaks&Valleys said:
I'm the last one to tell anyone to eject or next a chick, but in this case, I'm not feeling it. You've put in too much, while the whole time she's sat back and watched you over commit and dance around for her and her parents. Then, while you're dancing, she heads to the back room to text some other dude.
Holy crap, it's just a free dinner. And the guys here turn you into a dancing monkey over it. I really don't understand this place sometimes. *Shakes head*

Don't let these guys wind you up, Des.

backbreaker said:
"this girl offered to give me a 24 hour straight blow job, after which she will cook a 3 course meal of my choosing and give me a back massage while I watch a breaking bad marathon"
First off, where do you think she learned to give blow jobs like that? And why is she so horny? My guess is she's thinking of some other dude's c0ck while she's blowing you. And cooking a three course meal? Obvious guilt trip there. Your princess is in another castle. Also, her not caring about you watching TV during the massage is a sign of low interest. It is essential that you initiate hard no contact, immediately. Next!
 

sodbuster

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Hell, just let it ride, see what happens. The worst that can happen is she starts pushing marriage... Not sure why everyone is so excited about meeting the parents. I'd make a serious plate of mine meet my staff{women}, just to get some perspective from people who aren't getting banged by her. Maybe that's all she's doing...
 

Peaks&Valleys

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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

Read more...

Desdinova

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zekko said:
Don't let these guys wind you up, Des.
I've already lost 12 nights of sleep over this thread :(

First off, where do you think she learned to give blow jobs like that? And why is she so horny? My guess is she's thinking of some other dude's c0ck while she's blowing you. And cooking a three course meal? Obvious guilt trip there. Your princess is in another castle. Also, her not caring about you watching TV during the massage is a sign of low interest. It is essential that you initiate hard no contact, immediately. Next!
Bwahahahaha!!! :crackup:
 

abe0

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....and it all started over a Xmas dinner. Happy Holidays!!!! If you would have dated an atheist nothing like this would have ever happened... Abe
 

Die Hard

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I'm not here to piss on your parade, Des. I hope you know me better than that. I wish you nothing but happiness.

I just told you what I got from your post and gave you advice accordingly. And I still stand by what I said.
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Des,
So we are all waiting,how did it go?
 

Desdinova

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I'm not here to piss on your parade, Des.
I know. There's absolutely nothing wrong with hearing a different point of view.

So we are all waiting,how did it go?
It went perfectly fine. Her parents are seemingly boring people. I didn't get probed too much with questions, probably because she's been getting bombarded with them. She let me know that her mother "highly approves" of me.

She spent the night at my place before leaving for a one week trip back to her hometown. I won't be seeing her again until next weekend.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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