Chickened out of the PU :(

[chicksrock]

I have read a lot of sh!t on motivation and being DJ.
I have had positive experiences with HB's in the past.

YET I often encounter negative thoughts and lazyness to make pickups....

eg. saw a HOT chick at the cafe today. Went to sit next to her. I could have so easily started up a conversation or something. She was reading a book, I was going to say something about "oh couldn't help but notice... hows that book..i've heard of that famous author" or some bullsh!t..

I had all the plans for the PU.

But I just sat their frozen. For 15mins. I just couldn't make myself do it. I was scared of looking sleazy or weird in the girls eyes! I kept trying to pump myself up.....but became overly conscious of myself....and just couldn't do it!

 

[chicksrock]

And i FAILED, miserably.... the HB was gone while I sat there and kept procrastinating.


This was a very COLD PU scenario...I have no probs making approaches at a club or something....there the atmosphere is more social and conduced for pickingup.

How to improve on such COLD PU atmospheres?
Why am I so selfconscious?
Help!

 

[MindOverMatter]

Think of a pool filled with cold water. If you dip your toe into the cold water, you will realize that it's freezing, and will hesitate to jump in and go for a swim.

Now, suppose you don't dip your toe in, suppose you grit your teeth, and just jump in. At first the water will be freezing cold, but a minute or two later, your body temperature will adjust to it, and it will become comfortable.

Figure out what I just told you, and you will understand what it takes to approach.

 

[chicksrock]

Thats a great analogy...now I know why you name yourself MindOverMatter!

hehehe..

I just feel weird sometimes because it seems like I am the only one jumping into that cold pool...!!!

 

[chicksrock]

Yeah But I know I have to do it otherwise I won't get anywheres...

Whatelse do you guyz use for motivation to make PU's..especially in such cold atmospheres like the mall/street/cafe/grocery store!

 

[-.-]

Originally posted by chicksrock
Thats a great analogy...now I know why you name yourself MindOverMatter!

hehehe..

I just feel weird sometimes because it seems like I am the only one jumping into that cold pool...!!!

I hav same prob.. diff. senario.

 

[Anaconda]

Negative thoughts and lazyness = Fear = Avoidance

Now you have missed your chance and beating yaself...supposed you can reverse time what would you have done differently? That "opening" about the book you thought of was perfect, it gives her a "reason" to talk to you.

When you approach someone, there are only 3 scenerios that could happen:

1) She'd say something back as a courtesy then go back to doing whatever she's doing, no EC, she'd face away from you like you're not there -> she's not interested in talking with you, then you'd say "nice talking to ya," smile and withdraw (or if her bf shows up all of the sudden).

2) She'll be very receptive, smilling, talking, exciting and such -> she's interested, then you can introduce yourself, pull your DJ stuffs and do a rapport on her...If you were sitting reading a book and an HB8 approached you, would you be cold to her or would you say to yourself "damn, is it my lucky day?"

3) She's a b*tch and will just look at you and say f*ck off, or she's a psycho and just pulls out a gun and shoots you .

Generally #1 will happen 85%, #2 is the other 14.99% and maybe .01% for #3. If you're really good looking, relaxed and confident when talking to her like you would with your close friend then your #2 might be higher.

As long as you look relaxed and smooth in your walking, sitting & overall composure..you won't draw attention. If I were to sit at the next table and saw a clumpsy, shy, trembling guy approached the girl, I'd be watching and if he got blown off, I'll be laughing my ass off. In contrast, if I saw a confident, smooth walking guy approached the girl and got blown off and withdrew in style, I'd say "damn, I've learned something."

 

[JT47319]

This is why I like night time approaches so much better.

You're in a club venue, jam packed with hotties, who are EXPECTING (and hoping) to be gamed up (and are themselves scoping out guys to game up). In a truly cold, daytime sarge, they could be busy doing an errand, on an emergency, stressed out, etc.

You can warm up on easy, throwaway sets in a club, forget about them, and then start hitting up the real quality sets when you're enjoying the moment and your game is tight.

 

[SealTeamSix]

Whenever those shaky feeling crips back in ... just talk to yourself something + ...

I always talks myself that I am the king.. I am the primal .. The king does not fear. Then take a plunge...

 

[chicksrock]

Thanks for the encouragment guys!

 

[Dirtheart]

Take a look through your posts at all the negativity. You're saying things like "I was scared..." and "I failed miserably..." and nothing is worth it if it makes you feel this way.

I know my style differs a lot from the hardcore PUAs on this board and I say go with whatever works for you, but I think you may be putting too much pressure on yourself. Perhaps you feel compelled to approach women? So by not approaching ("chickening out") you feel like a failure, and feeling like a failure leads to low self-esteem and a negative spiral etc etc...

If you're not comfortable for any reason, let it go and don't worry about it. There will be other chances and probably better chances, where you get a sign of interest to go on or a topic to break the ice with. I'm not saying don't approach, but forget about pressuring and chastising yourself (or letting anyone else do it for you). Get on with your day, if you see an opportunity you're comfortable with, go for it, otherwise continue your day until the next opportunity comes along.

Chill!

 

[chicksrock]

yea very true dirtheart...
and i think one is more effective in PU's if one is more layed back ......

i think i have been putting myself under "pressure to perform" LOL!
i need to adopt a more relaxed attitude just like you said..

 

[Paintballguy]

Personally, I'd rather take the rejection than having the guilt of never even trying to approach. Atleast when you get rejection, you can say to your friends you had the balls to talk to her. While if you didnt, you can regret not taking the chance.

So next time you see a girl you want to PU, just do it.

 

[gentleman193]

something else to think of

The outcome doesn't matter. Number. Rejection. Whatever. If you approach, ten other women nearby notice. Half of them, in that moment, want you, the man of action, to approach them, too. It's all about validating their attractiveness.

So, approach the HB. If you're *lucky* you'll get a cold rejection. Then, you just play it supercool. Smile. Friendly parting line. Easy manner. Leaving you cold lowers her status and raises yours. Now, those other 5 who weren't interested suddenly think you have real balls AND they want to tend your wounds. Everyone loves the underdog. Too bad, in reality, rejection hardly ever happens like you fear it will. Worst case you usually just get a smile and a "Have a boyfriend."

Analogy to playing pool: Chumps think all about whether they'll make their next shot. Pros focus on the "leave", too. The next shot is one ball in the pocket at best. The leave is about all the rest on the table. Make any sense?