Chick with high IL but not over Ex

[ManManMan]

i just completed my freshman year at college, and I'm very close friends with this chick since about 8 months.
She was in a Long Distance Relation with a guy who was so busy, and so into himself, that they would not be on the phone at night.. Despite many efforts from this chick, the relation simply could not improve, and they finally broke up a month and half ago..

For the past 4 months, we have been having amazing HIGH INTEREST LEVEL conversations during the night hours, like 1Am to 4am, 3-4 nights a week.

When she broke up, I waited about a month to propose a casual relationship with her. She told me she needed time to think about it, the summer break was about to come up for 2 months. So I was like yeah ok think about it.
In the middle of the break, after a month, I tackled past all her insecurities about a new relationship which might turn out like her ex-relationship and then we finally DID get into one.

We lasted for 5 days, 1 date.
In that date, I had just initiated a little kino (whispering in her ear, breathing on neck etc..) when she kinda freaked out cuz it reminded her of her ex.

So we broke up and I told her to get over her ex and then we shall think about this and we would stay friends during this time.

But its being very tough for her to forget the other guy.
-She accidentally heard his voice over the phone while talking to a mutual friend of theirs and simply FROZE. Couldnt even complete the convo.

In someway or the other, he keeps popping back into her life and she is unable to forget about it.




I'm totally bowled over cuz I cant understand this shiat!

What should I do?!
This is getting too much to handle :\

 

[Iceberg]

i just completed my freshman year at college, and I'm very close friends with this chick since about 8 months.
She was in a Long Distance Relation with a guy who was so busy, and so into himself, that they would not be on the phone at night..

Not on the phone at night?!?! Oh no!

For the past 4 months, we have been having amazing HIGH INTEREST LEVEL conversations during the night hours, like 1Am to 4am, 3-4 nights a week.

Whoa...slow down, buddy. This is a PG-13 website. I'm getting all boned up over here.

We lasted for 5 days, 1 date.
In that date, I had just initiated a little kino (whispering in her ear, breathing on neck etc..) when she kinda freaked out cuz it reminded her of her ex.

So we broke up and I told her to get over her ex and then we shall think about this and we would stay friends during this time.

Okay seriously, buddy. If a girl REALLY has high IL, she will get with you. If the right guy came along, she would be over her Ex the day after the breakup. Hell, maybe within hours of the breakup. You are not the right guy. You're the guy who spends hours on the phone with her, like a kid sister.

She might have liked you at some point. But it seemed like you were a bit clingy. I mean, personally, I don't even talk that much on the phone with girls I'm having sex with. You're getting all attached to some girl that you haven't even kissed.

Summary - if she liked you, her ex wouldn't be a factor. Don't buy into that "Not over her ex" bullsh!t. If Brad Pitt offered her a date, you'd see how quickly that ex would be forgotten.

 

[ManManMan]

Hahahahahah, maybe this is exactly what I needed to hear, Iceberg. Thanks for that.

Moving the **** on, right away sir.

 

[SoSuave666]

Okay seriously, buddy. If a girl REALLY has high IL, she will get with you. If the right guy came along, she would be over her Ex the day after the breakup. Hell, maybe within hours of the breakup. You are not the right guy. You're the guy who spends hours on the phone with her, like a kid sister.

Summary - if she liked you, her ex wouldn't be a factor. Don't buy into that "Not over her ex" bullsh!t. If Brad Pitt offered her a date, you'd see how quickly that ex would be forgotten.

Usually when a chick breaks up with her boyfriend, if it was her choice, she already has someone new and is over her boyfriend. Odds are she has some other dude in mind, just not the OP.

But yea dude, if she liked you bro she would be with you.

 

[ManManMan]

I can assure you this, I kid you not.
I'm the "someone new".

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm sorry to hear this bro, but I'm gonna give it to you straight with minimal sugar-coating.

She's not that into you. Yes, some girls are night owls that love to talk late at night / early morning. She is certainly one of them. She does have an emotional connection to you. But that alone spells friendzone without a strong physical attraction.

You might have heard that men think with the wrong head, which is more or less true. But what I want to walk away knowing is that women (especially young women) are the same or worse in that category. Honestly, it's all about who she wants to F.

She rejected your first suggestion for a relationship by stalling. Then she wanted to keep her summer break open and free (to hook up with other guys).

Then when you tried to make a move on her, she gave you some bs about "reminding her of her ex." If the hottest guy at your college made a move on her, do you honestly think she would mention her ex? Of course not.

While it is possible that she has feelings for her ex, the bigger problem is her feelings for you are not physical/sexual/romantic, so she keeps you around just for attention and free pillow talk. You are her brother or dear friend.

There isn't much you can do except start pulling back by going no contact or at least very limited contact. But it's no cure.

You can't fix this situation. You are wasting time with this girl. You gotta meet other girls that want you and will do more than talk.