Chick said "never enjoyed sex with me"

[casanova_goat]

I met up with the 21-year old chick I have (on and off) “dated” (or whatever you want to call it) since January. We hadn’t seen each other in a month and I never believed she was that into me. I was invested in her months ago but my feelings for her have really faded.


Well, tonight she popped the question, “do you think we’re dating?” I didn’t know what to say and I said “not really…” She said “good” I don’t want to be. Her answer didn’t surprise me but what she said next shattered my ego: “I never enjoyed having sex with you.”


She and I have fornicated several times and I always thought, while she may not have wanted a relationship with me, she at least enjoyed the sex, as she was a returning customer. She said the times she came over my place, she felt an obligation to have sex with me. The funny thing is, I thought I had an obligation to give it to her and she seemed to initiate quite a bit.


Do you guys think this is a classic case where I should trust a woman’s actions and not her words? She said sex never felt right with me, and she was speaking in the context of it not feeling right as she was void of wanting a relationship with me.


How I hope to interpret it is she enjoyed the sex, from a biological standpoint, but not an emotional one. There was only so much I could have said to her without coming across as insecure.


I don’t want anything to do with this girl at this point but I’d be lying if I said my pride was wounded.


Back in March, she said similar stuff. She “never had romantic feelings for me” and when I tried to kiss her one time “she was not emotionally available” then in April and May we were having sex again and I was fingering on a park bench donated by her friend’s family. On two occasions she praised my sex but that doesn’t mean anything.


She told me she hasn’t been texting me lately because she didn’t want me “miss her”. She used to text all the time so I picked up that her interest had faded.


Do you guys think I was lousy in bed or not? Or lousy and a combination of other things?

 

[casanova_goat]

who cares whether she got what she wanted what's important is you got what you wanted

I actually didn't get what I wanted. My partner's satisfaction is equally, if not, more important than my own.

For someone my age, I am not terribly experienced. This chick was only my second partner and the first I slept with but two times. Perhaps my low number of partners has something to do with being discriminating and never feeling sex defined me. Her words still sting though and I don't see her point in saying them.

 

[casanova_goat]

After we had sex the first time, she said the "sex was really great" and she volunteered this information, I did not seek it. After our most recent time together, she said she felt like she just got "fvcked" which I would take as a high order compliment. Sorry for the language but it's necessary to illustrate the ambiguity of this situation.

It's just weird she is saying this stuff now.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

After we had sex the first time, she said the "sex was really great" and she volunteered this information, I did not seek it. After our most recent time together, she said she felt like she just got "fvcked" which I would take as a high order compliment. Sorry for the language but it's necessary to illustrate the ambiguity of this situation.

It's just weird she is saying this stuff now.

She's not that important. She was trying to flatten your confidence and ego. Some females enjoy that. She's childish. Let her go.

 

[casanova_goat]

Like I said, I lost interest in her from a relationship perspective a while back.

While it's easy to let her go, her criticism of my sexual prowess will linger.

 

[Skyline]

Listen to actions... Why is she bringing emotions and relationship status in the first place?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Listen to actions... Why is she bringing emotions and relationship status in the first place?

Obvious to leave a wound. Ignore her.

 

[Desdinova]

My response would have been: "That's fine, your saggy t!tties aren't all that fun to play with."

 

[AnthonyL]

I met up with the 21-year old chick I have (on and off) “dated” (or whatever you want to call it) since January. We hadn’t seen each other in a month and I never believed she was that into me. I was invested in her months ago but my feelings for her have really faded.


Well, tonight she popped the question, “do you think we’re dating?” I didn’t know what to say and I said “not really…” She said “good” I don’t want to be. Her answer didn’t surprise me but what she said next shattered my ego: “I never enjoyed having sex with you.”


She and I have fornicated several times and I always thought, while she may not have wanted a relationship with me, she at least enjoyed the sex, as she was a returning customer. She said the times she came over my place, she felt an obligation to have sex with me. The funny thing is, I thought I had an obligation to give it to her and she seemed to initiate quite a bit.


Do you guys think this is a classic case where I should trust a woman’s actions and not her words? She said sex never felt right with me, and she was speaking in the context of it not feeling right as she was void of wanting a relationship with me.


How I hope to interpret it is she enjoyed the sex, from a biological standpoint, but not an emotional one. There was only so much I could have said to her without coming across as insecure.


I don’t want anything to do with this girl at this point but I’d be lying if I said my pride was wounded.


Back in March, she said similar stuff. She “never had romantic feelings for me” and when I tried to kiss her one time “she was not emotionally available” then in April and May we were having sex again and I was fingering on a park bench donated by her friend’s family. On two occasions she praised my sex but that doesn’t mean anything.


She told me she hasn’t been texting me lately because she didn’t want me “miss her”. She used to text all the time so I picked up that her interest had faded.


Do you guys think I was lousy in bed or not? Or lousy and a combination of other things?

I smashed this broad in my social circle and she told anyone who'd listen I had a tiny ****. I didn't get mad cuz i know the truth. And if you're making a conscious effort to be good in bed..chances you're OP

 

[casanova_goat]

I smashed this broad in my social circle and she told anyone who'd listen I had a tiny ****. I didn't get mad cuz i know the truth. And if you're making a conscious effort to be good in bed..chances you're OP

Well I got a small pee pee too which doesn't correlate to my height.

This is what this broad texted me right after we last had sex at the end of May:

"My vagina is so sore. Feels like I just got fvcked"

"Yeah. You must have gone pretty deep"

"Yeah that was good. All the positions were good"

I don't know what version of her I should believe.

 

[old_skoolr]

OP my advice would be to stop talking to her and ignore her completely.

If she didnt want anything serious and then she complained that the sex was crap, why still see you??

When she does message you and she will message you and ask why haven't you contacted her, use her words against her. Tell her that you said the sex was sh!t so I wont bother you again. Cya.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hate to be blunt but if you have had sex only a dozen times or so ever and with only 2 women you do not yet know how to drive the car. So while hurtful to your ego, you might consider that actually you are inexperienced. It's going to show, whether you like it or not.

If a man is a horrid kisser many women lose all interest no matter how many other great things a guy has going.

Women's erogenous zones are far less straightforward than a man's. Just because you fingered her or penetrated her does not mean it was a good experience.

The best means to becoming a good lover is to find a woman with experience and learn from her, or date a woman with some regularity (even if she's more a placeholder), and learn together.

The key is you need a consistent partner with whom you can gain a comfort level and degree of intimacy in order for you to be able to explore and be vulnerable enough to set aside your ego and really learn what to do, how to do it, and how to build tension.

You need a partner you can both listen to and learn from as you build experience together. You MUST be willing to listen in spite of your ego.

You can't feel physically what is going on in her body any more than she can internally experience your arousal or your climax so you have to learn through feedback from your partner.

So many people suck in bed because they never slow down & realize they need better sexual skills, and they won't accept feedback.

Men who learn to build tension & are good lovers never lack for sexual options.

 

[logicallefty]

My response would have been: "That's fine, your saggy t!tties aren't all that fun to play with."

^This.. or "well i thought sex with you was ok but i would have enjoyed it more if you cleaned yourself a little better"

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Never let them fvck with your head man. You got some practice in it's as simple as that. You are inexperienced like you said so fvcking just let it go. From a psychological stand point it sounds like she may have some personal issues her self and she's just taking it out on you.

She texts you it was good then a month later she says it was never any good. Ok fine, bye Felicia. Ghost-NC CTRL-ALT-DELETE

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I’d be lying if I said my pride was wounded.

She knew it would and that's why she said it. Even if she's 90% decided its FWB, having you say it hurts her just as much as she tried to hurt you.

As tough as it is to swallow, if girl decides it's "just sex" it's OK. But if a guy says it FIRST (even if you're matching the thoughts in her head) the claws instinctively come out.

Nothing happens in a vacuum.

Believe it or not, what she was is not related to your sex skills. Women are super ninjas at hitting men's emotional jugular veins.

The REAL learning experience is what to say when she asks "are we dating"

Be vague and let her be a FWB on her terms, as if it were her decision.

The fact that she asked, "do you think we're dating" (and specifically HOW she asked) instead of something more neutral like, "what would you call this relationship" is a clue that she may have already seen the trainwreck coming, and had already positioned herself defensively (kind of like a guy gearing up to sucker punch somebody).

Also never underestimate a woman's ability (and men's to almost the same extent) to rewrite not only their own history, but their own intentions as well.

Bottom line is she really didn't mean what she said. She just wanted to kick you in the nuts, and that was the best she could come up with in the moment.

 

[RangerMIke]

Like I said, I lost interest in her from a relationship perspective a while back.

While it's easy to let her go, her criticism of my sexual prowess will linger.

Women always know what you are thinking you can not hide ANYTHING from them. She knew you were losing interest and her quib about your performance in bed is a way to protect her ego.

Don't worry about it... it's not you or her, you guys just didn't do it for each other. It's nobody's fault, and she is trying to put it all on you (which is what ALL women do.... It's NEVER their fault). Next time a women tosses this at you just say "In my experience... you always get back what you put into anything." If she asks what that means, just say "What do you think it means?" If she drops it, then let it go... go find other women. If she keeps going down that line, then share with her any crazy fantasy you have, and encourage her to tell you hers.

It's a man's job to make sex happen... and it's also a man's job to pull out from her what she wants... she is NOT going to tell you.

 

[marmel75]

Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't. What's clear is that she isn't into you anymore so there is no use prolonging the charade....just cut contact with her and move on

Every woman likes different things sexually and no one man can please every woman. I'm quite confident in my abilities, but I had a chick who had a super deep pvssy, and while I'm slightly longer than average, I couldn't reach the back of her. She also wasn't into fingering or receiving oral, so there wasn't much else I could to do to make her cvm...

It was just a bad match anatomically...she needed a dude with an 8.5 inch d!ck...

As long as you are working at being the best you can be in the bedroom, nothing else you can do.

 

[JohnChops]

You should have started laughing, then touch her, then just bang her again. Afterwards just walk out and say "Ya, I didn't enjoy that either".

 

[yuppaz]

She was butthurt because she wanted you to girlfriend d her up and you balked, so she was passive aggressive and usedo "bad in bad" to bruise your ego.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

She was butthurt because she wanted you to girlfriend d her up and you balked, so she was passive aggressive and usedo "bad in bad" to bruise your ego.

^ Bingo Bango!!!