Chick cancels third date, then 7 months later reaches out

Stoic

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1. 7 months ago, went on two dates with chick. Night date for first date. Took her to my boxing gym second date. Not really any action (Feel free to knock me on that)
2. Initially agreed to come to my place for third, then backed out, saying she didn't see it going anywhere because I have a kid. I never responded to that text.
3. 7 months later, out of the blue, texts me saying that she was at my apartment pool visiting her friend.
4. 7 days later (I was busy/annoyed), I respond text her, next time she's in the area, stop by, and we will go down to the pool at my apartment.
5. We agree to meet at the pool tomorrow.
6. Says her friend may be there (they are both teachers, so off in the summer) Not sure if she said this bc A. friend might just happen to be there or B. the chick invited this friend (who I am pretty sure is in a relationship)

Getting better at this stuff, but what would you make of this? Pretty sure I have an idea of what's going on here, but wanted to hear your take.
 
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Robert28

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She’s about to friend zone you. I can see it coming a mile away.
 

Stoic

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If she brings her friend , give the friend all of your attention.. pretend it’s a date with the friend and imagine that the other girl isn’t even there
Exactly- that was my plan as well.
 

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jaymbrs

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She's trying to avoid making this seem like it's anything more than hanging out. 100% platonic on her side. You might as well take your kid if you're going to go.
 

Espi

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5. We agree to meet at the pool tomorrow.
6. Says her friend may be there (they are both teachers, so off in the summer) Not sure if she said this bc A. friend might just happen to be there or B. the chick invited this friend (who I am pretty sure is in a relationship)
You have carte blanche to do whatever you want with her. When they text out of the blue months later the ball is in your court.

Strictly my opinion here: no action on the second date is unacceptable. Too long. Too passive. Kill the nice guy within. By end of date 2 they should know that you want to fvuck them.

Here's how I'd have responded:

"I'm not a group-dater kind of guy. I'd like you to myself. How about dinner and a movie at my place this (day and time)?"
 

sosousage

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You have carte blanche to do whatever you want with her. When they text out of the blue months later the ball is in your court.

Strictly my opinion here: no action on the second date is unacceptable. Too long. Too passive. Kill the nice guy within. By end of date 2 they should know that you want to fvuck them.

Here's how I'd have responded:

"I'm not a group-dater kind of guy. I'd like you to myself. How about dinner and a movie at my place this (day and time)?"
she ignored him.

either next

or

next
 

Mauser96

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If she brings her friend , give the friend all of your attention.. pretend it’s a date with the friend and imagine that the other girl isn’t even there

Brilliant
 

Glassguy

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then backed out, saying she didn't see it going anywhere because I have a kid. I never responded to that text.
Nor should you have responded.

There are several things that are deal breakers for men and women.

I do not date smokers. Period. I cant stand it. Why waste time with someone that you know isnt going anywere because of something you truly dont like.

Kids are another thing. I have a daughter and the few times it has been a problem, I just vanish. I dont even keep them as plates. Why throw time and money at something that isnt going to stick around? Bad investment.

While I dont judge the person or get mad if they would say this because its their life and single people with no kids like to be selfish and do whatever they want, when they want. No problem. Just cant be like that for me.

In the end, us with kids can still do fun stuff and get away, but it takes planning. Some women stay single and childless because they dont want to lose that selfishness and freedom. So be it. That is their choice.

Now about her reaching back out to you........

Who knows why. Maybe she rode a ton of dics in the past 7 months and realized that you were worth another shot after they didnt pan out.

But I will warn you: Dont get your hopes up because she already told you that your kid was a problem. In the end, it still will be a problem once she cant have her spontaneous adventures with you.

I have learned that its best to always just be up front and blunt:

Her: Hey stranger
Me: (hours later) Hey there. What made you text me after you disappeared for 7 months?
Her: Oh you were on my mind
Me: Ok. Nice to hear from you.

That is it unless she starts apologizing and mentions getting together. At that point she can come to my place and hang out or go on down her contacts list to the next dude.
 

Stoic

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Interesting how girls (guys too) minds work.. I cancelled on her the day of because weather was overcast and wanted to hammer on some work and I did not even reschedule.

Reached out to me later about when I was free again..

I guess its a scarcity thing and me not caring too much. Just interesting..
 

logicallefty

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I know it’s done and over but I hope when she texted you your first reply was “Hi. Who might this be?” Even if u know it’s her. Then after she tells you who it is say “Oh. I think I remember you/that. But please refresh my memory ?” TRUST ME when you don’t jump out and know/remember them it’s a kick to their ego and puts their hamster in a picke. Her mind goes “How can he not remember ME? How many women has he dated since me to make him forget me? I thought I was special!! “ :(
 

dude99

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I know it’s done and over but I hope when she texted you your first reply was “Hi. Who might this be?” Even if u know it’s her. Then after she tells you who it is say “Oh. I think I remember you/that. But please refresh my memory ?” TRUST ME when you don’t jump out and know/remember them it’s a kick to their ego and puts their hamster in a picke. Her mind goes “How can he not remember ME? How many women has he dated since me to make him forget me? I thought I was special!! “ :(
My thoughts exactly. I would have said something along the lines as this.

Her " hey stranger how's it going?"

You " sorry dont recognize the number. who might this be?"

Her "its sally. Remember me from 7 months ago we went out a couple of times?"

You "which one were you? Sorry i have a busy but fun schedule. I'm not sure which one you are."

Her (frusteraded because you dont fall all over her.) "Its me remember im the one with the blah blah blah.

You. "Oh. Sorry we will have to catch up another time. Im getting ready for a date. " then ghost. Never reply to anything from her again. Ever.

She is looking for validitation dude. No girl would wait 7 months and give you opportunity to build a relationship with another girl if they were interested. No girl.
 

sangheilios

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Is her life seriously this mundane and uneventful that she feels the need to contact you almost a year later?
 
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Poonani Maker

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TRUST ME when you don’t jump out and know/remember them it’s a kick to their ego and puts their hamster in a picke. Her mind goes “How can he not remember ME? How many women has he dated since me to make him forget me? I thought I was special!! “ :(
They know to do that to Us too (happens to me all the time if I reach out over a month later) either that or they're really that short-term memoried, ALL of them. Can't be though cause if we are not "romantically" interested then she will NOT forget, like in business or something. This is determined lying on their part probably read in some women's magazine or through the grapevine growing up showing females "the way" to tricks to nab a man or get his resources.

Anyway, I'm most likely going to bang a decent one tonight, finally not a fatty in the queue. I've got other (Hispanic) nibbling at me today as well and she lives like 2 miles from me, but I'm going with the other gal I'd contacted 2 days ago and we're confirmed going out tonight. She knows another girl I know so I believe if I can fvck her, then her friend may be able jump on the carousel as well ;)
 

Stoic

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Op here.

Well I guess I need to let this one go. Fortunately, she came my way and she fit into my schedule.

Had a fun time at the pool with her today, no friend. A lot of laughing. Some playful touching, but she just wasn't up for escalation. I wasn't pushing it. Went for kiss, but got the cheek. Later on, she asks if she can come to my boxing gym with me this Saturday. Obviously, treating me like a friend.

Read a good quote on here awhile back when women confuse you, its because they are just not that interested. It seems to be the case here.
 

Espi

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Later on, she asks if she can come to my boxing gym with me this Saturday. Obviously, treating me like a friend.
??

Do this (I'm 100% serious):

Call her up tonight/ask about her day/5 mins into the conversation advise that she is allowed access to your boxing gym BUT you have one condition: you're gonna be sore after working out this WEDS eve so she has to give you a full-body massage immediately following the workout.

A boxer destroys the opponent.

A DJ destroys the nice-guy within.
 

Stoic

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Espi, you are 100 % correct about destroying the nice guy within. Its like ive gotten nice guy half beaten at times, but then let him creep back in the fight. Working on it..
 
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