With corny assed lines like this:
Girl determined to **** Tucker
by Tucker Max
When I lived in Austin, one night I was out with my friend Ryan. We began the night at some ****ty bar that had $1 you-call-it. A $25 tab later, I called it getting real drunk.
From there, we walked down 6th street, when out of nowhere this smoking hot woman grabs us I and starts taking us to a bar. Being a completely self-absorbed narcissist, I figured she either recognized me or was enraptured with Ryan’s hotness (regrettably, he is better looking than me).
Nope. She was a shill, just dragging guys into this bar called The Coppertank. So much for the gangbang. Undeterred by this minor set back, I start shamelessly flirting with her. She is loving me and buys Ryan and I shots and beers, and hangs out with us at the bar.
Free drinks are fun, but being disgusting is better, so I start making lewd suggestions about things she should let me put in her butt, when she informs me that she is married.
Tucker "Well were is your husband?"
Woman "At home with the kids."
Tucker "So he just pimps you out every night? He makes a woman as hot as you work?"
Woman "I want to work. Besides, it's easy. We own the bar, I can do what I want."
Tucker "You can do what you want? Then get me another drink, and be quick about it."
This woman was loving us. We drank free most of the night, and I don’t remember much, but I do know that my time in the bar was a success, mainly because there were at least 8 girls pissed at me and about a dozen guys who wanted to kick my ass. I think two of the conversations went like this:
Me "You aren't hot enough to talk to me."
Girl "WHAT?"
Me "You heard me."
Girl "Yeah, well YOU aren't hot enough to talk to ME!"
Me "OK, if I'm not hot enough, then why are you still talking to me? Shouldn't you be with the hot people? Oh wait, that's me. Go on, the uglies are over there waiting for you."
Girl "**** you."
Me "You're still talking to me? I thought I wasn't hot enough for you to talk too. No wait--the reverse is true."
Girl "*******!"
With another girl I commented on her style of dress. She was dressed very...flamboyantly.
Me "Are you feeling OK?"
Girl "Yeah. Why?"
Me "Have you seen your clothes?"
Girl "What's wrong with my clothes?"
Me [eyebrow raise] "Well, you look like Carmen Miranda. Really. You have the fashion sense of Christopher Lowell on a bad batch of crystal meth. Were you riding the snake when you picked out your clothes?"
One girl was ugly and acting like a *****. Someone had to put her in her place, and who better than me?
Tucker “Do you have a pen?”
Girl “No. Why?”
Tucker “I want to get your autograph.”
Girl “Who do you think I look like?”
Tucker “The Incredible Hulk.”
Girl “OH MY GOD!”
Her fat friend made the unfortunate mistake of coming to her defense.
Fat girl "How could you say that? I think she is very good looking."
Tucker "Are you kidding? I can't even feel my eyes anymore."
Fat girl "What a ****ing *******!"
This particular fat girl apparently
I'm surprised he would even get laid at all. All he seems to revel in is being a fool to me!
Makes me wonder if this is as PRL would say another gay agenda in action. If you guys learn this type of corny assed shyt you will never get laid. It takes a certain personality (like mine) to carry it off. You gotta already be an ass*hole to get away with it.
