cheating gone wrong

[bossq]

Lasted year I had an almost 5 month affair. It ended about 3 months ago and I've managed to stay with my longterm girl without her findeing out about what I had done. I have been recently obsessing about the "affair girl' I hurt her pretty bad and she has moved on.

For whatever reason I am thinking I made a mistake and am wishing I was with her. I've made a few calls and sent a few texts hoping for a chance to talk to her but she never responded. I know I deserve the sick guilty feeling in my stomach. I've almost considered telling my current g/f about what happened.

I think in the back of head I almost want her to leave so I would be free to chase after my mistress. I realize that I'm behaving stupidly and thinking very irrationally. If anyone has had a similar experience I'd love some advice. I don't want to make anymore bad decisions.

 

[darkstarrr]

I think you need to cut the sh1t and learn to appreciate what you have dude. The grass is always greener on the other side? Don't make the tragic mistake of going through your life until you suddenly find yourself on the receiving end of the bullsh1t before realizing how much you fvcked up. You think what you're feeling now is bad?

Don't tell your girl a damn thing. Clean up your act before life hands your a$$ to you. I'm sorry if I am coming across as being harsh but I feel you need to hear these words. I'm sure you are a great guy and I am impressed that you have come here seeking guidance. Good for you for taking that first step.

Are you one of those people who is never satisfied with what you have and always feels like you need more? Do you feel empty inside?

How long have you been with the current girl and what is her perception of your 'relationship'?

Good luck and keep the posts coming. I think talking this out with the rest of us will do you a lot of good.

 

[sodbuster]

Some Christians believe that having sex creates a "soul tie" with the other person. More sex will strengthen it. You'll remember women you did 20 years ago and would like to do them again. It comes and goes.

NOW, if she was all that, and a bag of chips;you would have broken up with your LTR and kept the mistress. Why did you keep the one you did? Remember that.

 

[speed dawg]

You sound like a woman.

"cheating gone wrong"??? Give me a fvcking break.

 

[squirrels]

Long-term girl? As in "wife"? Or "girlfriend"?

 

[Mr. Me]

>> I've made a few calls and sent a few texts hoping for a chance to talk to her but she never responded. >>

That's her answer. It's over.

You want it because it was a fantasy; not a real relationship, only the "best of" moments, all with a brand new person. That's why the grass seems greener.

>> the sick guilty feeling in my stomach. I've almost considered telling my current g/f about what happened. >>

Don't tell her, things will never be the same once you tell her. It will be thrown in your face for the rest of your life whenever you have an argument. It will be on her mind whenever you're late coming home, whenever she's watching TV and they report someone having an affair, whenever your cell phone rings.

That guilty feeling is your conscience telling you that you violated your principles. You know that what you desire to do would be "behaving stupidly and thinking very irrationally". That's because what you desire to do is fueled by your emotions, rather then your brain.

You're obsessing on her because you're continually dwelling on her, and then your feelings are generated by those thoughts. Don't dwell on her. Either get out of the relationship you're in or be true to it, because it's not right that you string along another person who thinks you're in it like she is.

 

[bossq]

Are you one of those people who is never satisfied with what you have and always feels like you need more? Do you feel empty inside?

How long have you been with the current girl and what is her perception of your 'relationship'?

I guess u could say that I'm a (glass is half empty) type of person. I've been unfaithful many times in the past but never felt bad about it until now. I've been with the current girl for 3 years. Her perception is she knows I'm not perfect but has my back regardless. I think she's probably waiting for a ringas well.

 

[bossq]

>>

That guilty feeling is your conscience telling you that you violated your principles. You know that what you desire to do would be "behaving stupidly and thinking very irrationally". That's because what you desire to do is fueled by your emotions, rather then your brain.

You're obsessing on her because you're continually dwelling on her, and then your feelings are generated by those thoughts. Don't dwell on her. Either get out of the relationship you're in or be true to it, because it's not right that you string along another person who thinks you're in it like she is.

I appreciate the honesty and critisism! I realize that I need to get my act together if I want to stay with my current girl. She has been kind of a security blanket and I know it's not fair to string her along.

I wanted to end things with the mistress long before it actually ended but at the same time I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. What you're saying about it was a fantasy and new experiences makes perfect sense. I just wish I could see it that way and not keep trying to hold on to and chase after a fantasy.

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

If you want an open relationship why have an exclusive one? In your case if you want to maintain "exclusivity" with your current lady I recommend not saying anything. If things were working out in your relationship with your current GF, you would not feel a need to cheat. You may want to review your situation.

 

[Sir_Turtle]

If you want an open relationship why have an exclusive one? In your case if you want to maintain "exclusivity" with your current lady I recommend not saying anything. If things were working out in your relationship with your current GF, you would not feel a need to cheat. You may want to review your situation.

No you'd still feel like cheating. Always jumping the fence for greener pastures and the newest thing can be incredibly destructive behavior. Its also addictive. You have to realize that the though of something better just around the corner is what drives you. At some point you're gonna have to be content with the relationship part of your life and realize that it doesn't get much better than a faithful girl that loves you.

IT burns bridges and destroys relationships. Self control is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

No you'd still feel like cheating. Always jumping the fence for greener pastures and the newest thing can be incredibly destructive behavior. Its also addictive. You have to realize that the though of something better just around the corner is what drives you. At some point you're gonna have to be content with the relationship part of your life and realize that it doesn't get much better than a faithful girl that loves you.

IT burns bridges and destroys relationships. Self control is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship.

I've only had a small sample of this. There was a woman at the last place I worked with that would get real flirty. She came came from Japan but lived in the states for awhile and even had a BF that was going to marry her in 3 months (they had a long distance thing going because he had business overseas). A couple times she asked if I would stop by her place after working out at the YMCA (one was located in the same parking lot I worked in!). At the time I was in the third year with my ex. I was awfully tempted, she had an athletic build and was a bar waitress. She even wanted me to go out with her and a friend. Ahh hindsight is 20/20

 

[WC2]

Look man, what goes around comes around.

Not directly, but it just seems to always happen.

I had a few affairs when I was with my EX, and in the end she ended up having an affair also. It's sh!tty either way you slice it.

However, you can't regret your decisions. I'm sure you've learned a hell of a lot more than if you were the 'good' boyfriend who never touched another female.

The first thing is to get your past out of the way. It happened, it's over, and you avoided a huge speed bump by successfully keeping it confidential. You can't let that sh!t run through your mind, there are plenty of men and women all over cheating on their spouses; it's life.

Once you have that out of your mind, then you need to make a rational decision. Are you still attracted to your girl sexually? Does she fufill your needs? Is she supportive and not hindering in you attaining your goals and aspirations? Does she let you become the man you want to be?

If your answer is yes to all these questions, then possibly you are just being greedy.

If your answer is no to some of these, it's time to move on. It's tough to tell someone, but it must be done if the relationship is just not doing it for you anymore.

It's one thing to cheat on a girl, but it's another to lead her on for so long during her younger years. It's just not right.

Men can cheat and not be emotionally attached, so therefore you shouldn't feel so awful about it.

However, men who lead their women on for such long times are the scum of the earth. Like I said before, it's just not right.

So you must figure out if you're leading her on by asking yourself those questions above.