Cheated

[adanricci]

Situation: Been seeing a girl exclusively for 3 months (I brought up exclusivity), I've met her parents. The other day we were booking a holiday and she refused to call me her boyfriend in the message we sent to one of the hosts. This instilled serious doubt into me.

I was at a friend's the other day and alcohol was involved. I've stayed at hers before but just slept in her guest room, I thought it was platonic.

This time we ended up having sex because she really wanted me. I drank too much and just went in the moment. I didn't enjoy myself because whenever I opened my eyes the girl I wanted to see wasn't there, and it wasn't satisfying at all. After sex I told her what happened and what the situation was. She didn't care because she liked the sex and was very clear that she wants it to happen again. She asked me questions about the other girl and concluded that it was a "situationship" and not serious.

I, on the other hand, realised how much I am actually into the girl I've been seeing, regretted the extracurricular sex with the other one, and will never put myself in a situation where it could happen again. It honestly made me realize I'm in love for the first time in years. (ngl: I'm a little afraid of being in love)

In the meantime, the other girl actually called me her boyfriend and said she hasn't felt this way about anyone ever, including how comfortable she is with me, etc. She does have commitment issues and is still getting used to the fact that people are slowly starting to see us as a couple.

Initially she was super against public displays of affection, but these days we hold hands and even kiss in public, which is not her usual thing.

Now, my now girlfriend is leaving to another country in September and will return in January 2023. I'm not sure what will happen here or if the relationship will survive past this.

She's very young and might want to explore some more guys. Should I keep this indiscretion to myself and simply let her explore a little when/if she brings it up eventually? I'm guessing being away for 4 months will lead to this, I don't know how we will handle it, it's close enough for me to visit a few times, but still will be apart for 1 month + at a time.

What do boys?

 

[Dr.Suave]

I hope Im wrong, but doesn´t sound like any of them is going to work long term. Focus on yourself, keep improving and get higher quality plates. Dont go exclusive unless you can see yourself marrying her in the future.

 

[SargeMaximus]

It’s your gf’s fault for not making you feel wanted.

 

[Stuffnu]

Been seeing a girl exclusively for 3 months (I brought up exclusivity), I've met her parents. The other day we were booking a holiday

Slow down big fella.
Demote both to plate status because you don’t know what you want.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

I, on the other hand, realised how much I am actually into the girl I've been seeing, regretted the extracurricular sex with the other one, and will never put myself in a situation where it could happen again. It honestly made me realize I'm in love for the first time in years. (ngl: I'm a little afraid of being in love)

As you should be, because it can make you do very stupid ****. Always control your emotions, it's perfectly okay to recognize the emotions and FEEL them willingly, but don't let the emotions take over your behaviour. Never let emotions control you.

Anyway, I wouldn't mention it. Seems like it was a heat of the moment thing so it's rather insignificant. If you do mention it, she might not leave you, but she'll hold it against you forever and slap you around the head with it during arguments. She'll also use it to justify her bad behaviour in the future. Even if she suspects it, always DENY. Don't defend yourself or give some ****ty made up explanation. Just say "No it didn't happen".

 

[Glassguy]

So.......how was the sex with the other chick and when are you banging her again? lol.

I see a few things wrong here:
1.) You brought up exclusivity. She holds the power because she can always fall back on "It was your idea".
2.) This GF has quite the issue with PDA. Thats a red flag in my opinion. Dont get me wrong, I am not out in public making out with chicks. But I will tell you that ANY chick that has high interest in me will grab my hand, kiss me in public, etc. Public sex is quite intense and youre definitely not getting it with this chick.
3.) Youve been exclusive for 3 months and this chick struggles to call you her BF? Whattttttt? MAJOR RED FLAG.

My gut feeling- your GF is half in this "relationship" because it was your idea and she decided to go along with it which gave her time to figure out what she really wants.

Women with crazy high interest level in me > everything else in a woman

Without the crazy high interest level, I dont hold the majority of the power and that is NOT a good thing. Nor will it last very long.

Current GF probably doesnt respect you as much as she needs to for this to work....thus why she acts like a prude. I promise you that if a chick has crazy high interest and respect for me, she has very few boundaries in what she will let me do to her. She will be extremely submissive, especially physically.

Crazy high interest + Crazy high respect for you = SUBMISSIVE woman.

Submissive woman = Very fun relationship.

Youre not there with this current gf. And she is leaving in September? Demote her to a plate. The other chick seems cool and she obviously likes fvcking you. So keep fvcking her. She knows your situation and is totally fine fvcking you anyway. So that tells me that she is either a nympho or she has crazy high interest in you for whatever reason. And she can see the end is near in your current "relationship" so she is positioning herself accordingly like a tiger waiting in the weeds, ready to pounce on you when the "situationship" comes to an end (which will be soon btw).

Just tell your current gf that you need some time and space to step back and figure some things out. She will either bounce because she really wasnt that into you or she will come back strong and you will in turn see a shift in power to which you will hold the cards.

I will guess that you are in your early to mid 20s?