Changing thought patterns before an approach?

[PainFromSpain]

Hey there, first off thanks for the insights you gave me on my last post. Now I'm dealing with some questions about cold approach. I have cold approached three women in my life (sober), all with varying results, but all kind of nervewrecking. I guess that's the point when you try to do something that goes against your social programming. After reading the rational male I now feel inspired to make this my default way to meet women, since women have been demysticized a bit for me and I'm less morally inhibited to do so. However, even though I tell myself every time before I leave the house that if I see a girl that I would duck (not even really attracted too, I need practice) I need to go say something along the lines of "Hey there say you walking/ standing there so I thought I would introduce myself", I never do it. My confidence right now is skyhigh because of the way my life is going, so I don't feel that's the problem. The thought pattern I observe is the following: I see a girl with some features I like. I think to myself "I would probably duck if she offered it right now". But then I start seeing features that I don't like and imagining I'm out of her league or that our characters probably won't match (even though I know nothing about her). This is then combined with the idea that it's not normal to do this and "I'll just reflect on what I was thinking later and if I do that often enough I'll magically start approaching without effort". So my questions are: How do I break this rigid programming? What are some thoughts I can use to kickstart this new behaviour? I want do be able to do this in my everyday life, so dedicating an entire day to going to some place and cold approaching feels weird and needy to me. Also I think she would be able to feel that I have nothing else going on if I did that. The idea of "Just have balls" is true to some extent I Imagine, but I can't even get close to the point of commiting to throwing my balls on the table due to all these thoughts that pop up. And yes I meditate, although I could probably do more of it. Thanks in advance!

 

[noneitis]

Sounds like you need to ease yourself into it.
Start by just making a statement to a girl, or giving a compliment and walking off, not expecting any outcome.
Then once it feels more normal, maybe try to follow up with a question after, gradually speaking for longer time.

It will also feel more comfortable if you just do your approaches during your normal day. Walk the longer journey, or arrive early for work or gym. You will not feel as weird as if you're just hanging around, especially if she asks what you're up to.