changing the dynamics of a relationship?

[orbion2013]

guys have been doing a whole lot of thinking this week.... i,ve come to the conclusion that the idea of a having a relationship with my ex, was false right from the begining.

she never was a good candidate for a long term relationship.... she is imature, sometimes manipulative, always playing games, the relationship was all about power for her...

now that i look back at this relationship, i realise i was plain stupid to believe i would live with this woman or marry this woman one day... really stupid.. way too many red flags

i would have to be crazy to seriously commit to this woman

now my question is... is it possible to get back with an ex you once loved & handle the whole thing differently?

this is the dynamics of our relationship..... it's all about power & control... she wants power over me... a master & slave type situation...

now is it possible to go back into a relationship like this, and handle the whole thing differently????

for example... if she has some power over you through sex, you take that power away from her.... only have sex with her on your own terms...

reject her sex, when she wants it occasionaly.. make her wait for sex till she wants it really bad, then turn her down

basicly let her know, that she no more has control over me, with sex

also take away affection... stop telling her you love her, maybe just say it on the odd occasion... but let her be the affectionate one

basicly make my self less attainable to her... so she knows i don't fully belong to her & i could be gone at any time

let her know in no uncertain terms, it's either behave good in the relationship... or else she is welcome to leave at anytime.

if she is rude or direspectful, immedialty crack down on her... if she does not like it, then she is welcome to leave & find some other chump!

is it possible to go back into a relationship & totally change the dynamics?

 

[TheException]

guys have been doing a whole lot of thinking this week.... i,ve come to the conclusion that the idea of a having a relationship with my ex, was false right from the begining.

she never was a good candidate for a long term relationship.... she is imature, sometimes manipulative, always playing games, the relationship was all about power for her...

now that i look back at this relationship, i realise i was plain stupid to believe i would live with this woman or marry this woman one day... really stupid.. way too many red flags

i would have to be crazy to seriously commit to this woman

now my question is... is it possible to get back with an ex you once loved & handle the whole thing differently?

You're asking the wrong question....the question is WHY would you want to get back with someone like you describe? You say you realized this and you realized that....yet you seek advice to do the opposite.

Having said that...its an extreme uphill battle to "shift the power" in a relationship. "Its always easier to build a new relationship than repair an old one".....a quote has never been more true. To be blunt...it is possible, but often times its an extreme waste of time. Footnotes:
-its easier to shift power with an ex gf than with a current gf
-ex gf may WILL notice your change in mindset
-however any error and mistake on your behalf will be magnified and the relationship will go "back to as it was".
-she may resent you for changing. She most likely liked having the power over you...and even though she finds you more attractive now...she resents you for it.

 

[tripod23]

if you want a power shift , walk away from this chick.....get yourself another chick,,,,,or two or 3 whatever you have time for . and never speak to your ex again.........

I think that would be a shift in power wouldn't you say , don't give her the time of your day........simple

 

[old_skoolr]

You want a power shift this is what you do.

Next time she begs you take her back, invite her to your hosue.
When she begs you to take her back and says "I'll do anything/ or make you the happiest."
At that point take you d.ick and tell her to suck it
Let her suck it till you come and blow all over her face.

Get her rag and tell her to wipe that s.hit off her face and get the fck out of your house


Problem solved

 

[orbion2013]

the thing is, i still love this girl... i wish it was that easy to just kick her to the kerb...

but i just know, she is not going to be my wife, i could never live with her or make any big commitments as all she has ever proven to be, is a fu@cking liability...

her behaviour at times is just bang out of order, imature, manipulative, selfish, stubborn... and she is the proffesional victim!!

sometimes hot. sometimes cold... push/pull

is it possible to keep a woman like this & just use her for sex????

 

[orbion2013]

that's some fu@king choice... one thing i do know, it's just not possible to maintain a healthy long term relationship with this woman... i have tried and tried, the result is always the same!

we hope they will change... but they don't

 

[Renegade357]

Only power we have is our willingness to walk away.

 

[tripod23]

orbion2013...im gonna tell you everything you describe about this girl rings major alarm bells with me seriously.....

my ex was just like this , and its fvcking excruciating to go through , honestly its just a pain in the ass trying to get to the bottom of anything with her , its all on her terms , stubburn as fvck , will say any bullshyt to riggle out of things , push / pull ,thinks the world is against her , unstable emotions , just a mess honstly.

i wouldnt trust my ex as far as i could throw her , its sad , but that is the reality of the situation.... if i was you i would just forget it my friend , save yourself the heartache that will be around the corner.

this chick im taking about just loves to feel powerfull , the script totally flipped between me and her as soon as she knew i cared for her , she is just so fvcked up in the head that i struggle to process why someone would want to treat someone so badly who cares for them , its just so crazy.........

 

[orbion2013]

orbion2013...im gonna tell you everything you describe about this girl rings major alarm bells with me seriously.....

my ex was just like this , and its fvcking excruciating to go through , honestly its just a pain in the ass trying to get to the bottom of anything with her , its all on her terms , stubburn as fvck , will say any bullshyt to riggle out of things , push / pull ,thinks the world is against her , unstable emotions , just a mess honstly.

i wouldnt trust my ex as far as i could throw her , its sad , but that is the reality of the situation.... if i was you i would just forget it my friend , save yourself the heartache that will be around the corner.

this chick im taking about just loves to feel powerfull , the script totally flipped between me and her as soon as she knew i cared for her , she is just so fvcked up in the head that i struggle to process why someone would want to treat someone so badly who cares for them , its just so crazy.........

it's the same here my friend... as soon as she figured out i love her, the script just flipped... she got power hungry & behaving like a f@cking child...

we could go a week or two with no problems, then she would do some dumb sh@t that just f@cks it all up again.

plus the passive agressive behaviour... silent treatmant, walking away,bieng ignorant...

thats why i am considering, wether if i remove myself emotionaly i.e stop the whole, i love you bullsh@t and bieng nice, maybe things could change...

but reality is, walking away is probably the best option... you can't fix these types.. they are toxic

 

[tripod23]

orbion ... you are correct these types can not be fixed , you keep telling her you love her will not make the situation any better in my opinion anyway.

i would have to be a mind reader and a genius to understand my ex , she chased me for two years , telling me she had waited all her life to meet someone like me , total bullshyt , i gave her an illusion of what she thought she wanted , if i was you i would just cool things down , dont chase her.....fvck that you have better things to do , plus all the shyt she is putting you through is not acceptable at all and she needs to know this.

these chicks are not stable i dont think , its all a game in their head to try and get what they want , fvcking crazy stuff.

i thought i was a good judge when it came to people , but when we split up and she came back i thought she wanted to get back on track , but no she wanted to play cat and mouse.......totally horrid to be caught up in the middle of,,,makes it worse when you acctually care about this human being.

totally fvcked up beyond help.......i blasted my ex then walked away , that was 3 months ago , she knows why i did it as well , it still hurts even to this day , but you have to remain strong.

 

[Tictac]

You like the wrapping but not the contents.

Stop wishing that the contents are not the contents.

 

[user name]

'Love' is often a misunderstood and little-known concept, thanks largely in part to the Hollywood dream factory.

Once you understand your 'love' for this person is no more than desire - a form of illness that can be cured - you will have all the power at your disposal simply because you no longer desire her.