Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Changing Rooted Social Identity

Phrost

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Hey everyone, like what you have write it's very hard to get out of LJBF zone simply because the other party(girl) already has a negative perception of you. The same could be said for social circles.

How then would you senior DJs suggest a RAFC like me to adopt a new alpha male status from a previous closed up one? Thank you.
 

AngelusPUA

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Dont buy into this whole alpha male bull****, what you want to do is to implement the traits women find attractive.

An AFC belives that the book of some seduction gurus is the holy grail of dating, everything they ever needed and just by acting confident, saying “Hi” to a women , negging her a few times and using C+F the HB10 will jump into their bed. They sell you this idea of being an alpha male and how it will cure all your problems, WAKE UP it’s just and illusion, most seduction Gurus will have you believe that learning how to be great with women is easy, why? Because they want your money. They are business men they will show you something that seems simple and easy and you will throw money their way.

It happens all the time If you’ve ever seen early morning infomercials they always come up with all these versatile solutions for modern living. A toaster that cooks bread 10x faster, a juice machine that juices 1 orange per second. That’s what most of these seduction gurus sell you, they tell you you need to go out and do street approaches, you need to learn how to talk, you need to learn how to hypnotize women, NLP and all this other nonsense. They sell you a fantasy for their own fu*kin profit and who can blame them, we all want to make money.

You need to become the man that women desire, you have to have to cultivate all the attributes that attract women and dispel all the ones that don’t.

What do women want?

A guy that is handsome and/or Sexy
Can't do much about being attractive, either you are or you're not. You can obviously work out to get a more muscular, toned body and eat right. Get a haircut that suits you, shave or grow a moustache you really need to experiment, ask some female friends if you look better with a goatee or with spikey hair instead of a shaved head, you get the idea.

A guy that knows how to dress
Shopping at chain stores is not your best bet, going for Versace is out of some people budgets but in every mall there is at least one store that has good cloths that are more expensive than those of chain stores. This is not always the best place to shop because in terms of getting into high class clubs these cloths won't cut it but if you’re on a budget and want to look good, go for it. What you think looks good on you often doesn’t, it’s a good idea to take a female shopping with you as she can help you pick out cloths that suit you or ask the guy/girl that works in the store. They might try to sell you the most expensive stuff but usually they are ok.

Wit
Wit is difficult to work on and it comes with experience, if you talk with witty people you will slowly start to pick it up. It is also a good idea to watch some comedians Eddie Murphy for example. I read a book called "comedy writing secrets" that really helped me cultivate my wit. Wit is very important; a smart man uses wit to dominate you (AMOG) so it is beneficial for you to be witty. You can read books and listen to comedians but still I say the best way to become Witty is by experience, you need to get out there and socialize. Women find wit irresistible……

Confidence
This is a hard one and it takes a long time to become totally confident, my first step would be to take a self defense class. If you can find one do a UFC course because if you get into a street fight you’re not going to use fancy karate moves it’s going to be hard and fast. When you know how to defend yourself you will feel a lot more confident in social situations. You also should go to the gym and try to get in shape (If you aren’t already). Not only does exercise raise confidence because of the obvious physical benefits but working out gives you a sense of accomplishment which sitting in front of a computer doesn’t, this sense of accomplishment translates into confidence. Wearing good cloths, learning how to speak virtually everything you do to benefit yourself will increase your confidence. Your friends also play a huge role in how confident you are, if you have friends that are constantly putting you down because they themselves aren’t confident then you need to cut them off. You need to have positive friend that appreciate you, not people that put you down, I read a study that stated ‘We begin to mirror the people we associate ourselves with’, so if you want to become confident stay away from non confident people.

Class
What can I say about class? It all got to do with your hobbies, what you wear, the people you associate yourself with, how you talk. Take a look at some of the classy guys throughout history real and fictional, James Bond, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra. Classy guys drink an $80 bottle of wine while normal guys drink a $10, classy guys wear classy cloths while normal wear t-shirts.

Charm
-Smile: If you don’t smile you’re not charming, simple
-Let people talk: You just listen and let people tell you about themselves, biggest mistake guys make on a date is to talk about themselves too much. Let the girl talk about everything and anything all you have to do is listen and obviously carry the conversation along.
-Compliment do not flatter: The difference between a compliment and flattery is that compliments have no hidden agenda, It’s just a genuine compliment and it doesn’t make the person feel uncomfortable. Do not compliment somebody unless you really mean it, women especially have a good radar for bullsh*t. Another dating mistake guys make is over complimenting, you come off as fake and desperate, give the girl one sincere compliment and don’t make a big deal of it.
-Selflessness: The secret to charm is to be selfless. You are not being charming because you want something in return; you are being charming because that’s who you are. Do not give compliments with the expectation of receiving a compliment in return; do not listen with the expectation of being listened to.
-Eye contact: Straight forward, make sure you don’t stare.
-Confidence: I know these so called Gurus say to use ****iness but I say use confidence it’s different to ****iness. ****iness means you have something to prove, confidence means you have nothing to prove because you already know everything you need to know.
-Genuine interest: You need to have a real interest in getting to know people, don’t ask questions not wanting to hear the answers you need to have a curiosity about the person.

Danger
Women like a man with an edge of danger, go sky diving, base jump, rock climb, bungee jump do something that makes you unique.

Mystery
-Don’t give her your daily itinerary: Basically don’t tell her what you are going to do all day tomorrow; your life is yours you don’t need to tell her everything.
-Be vague: There are times when you can be vague about yourself, for instance when a girl asks me what I do for work I tell her “that’s my business”. I don’t do it in a rude way I just say it normally, sometimes they will drop it sometimes they will try and guess but don’t give in.
-Don’t always answer her calls: You should lead a busy life so in reality you shouldn’t have time to answer her calls anyway. If she asks why you didn’t answer tell her “I was busy” and don’t elaborate, she doesn’t need to know everything you do.
 

Phrost

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Good post, thanks for the help. I'm gonna print them out and put it up in the room.

However the problem I'm facing is that I've been rather reclused and if I instantly change into an energetic, funny and ****y individual, I think it'd be very hard for people to find it convincing and might even find that I'm trying too hard.

So my question is on how to change into the new cool guy while being believable. It's a lot harder to repair my identity to the people I know than compared to say, strangers I've just met at a club. Thank you.
 

diceman

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Well, i'm just gonna add to the whole Alpha Male myth.
Being an Alpha male is not something you can force, & it's just a quality that certain people have that make them natual leaders.
Not everyone can be an Alpha Male, & if you're not one, then don't beat yourself up over it.

Believe me, i've been to university where there are people who are desperate to be the dominant 'Alpha male' of a group, & it works at 1st, but people soon realise that it's all an act to mask deep rooted insecurites. They try to force their views & try to lead by intimidation & putting others down.

After a while, it soon transpired that absolutly no-one respected these guys & most people avoided them or just ignored them. Don't become that kind of guy. Don't become obsessed with social order & hierarchies of group dynamics. Just be yourself, be confident & don't try so hard to be 'Alpha'. just enjoy life & try to improve yourself in the areas the other guy mentioned.
 
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