Changing my mindset around

[Crissco]

Hey whats up SoSuave. I haven't been around lately, been busy with my business and just living my life. I've had this problem for a while now, but its starting to bug me because im coming to grips that its me thats the problem here. Its my mindset towards woman and dating along with my expectations. A little back story: I have been doing online dating for 4 years now. I pull like crazy for the most part, get numbers left and right, create multiple set routines to get the girls number in two message. Thats not the issue. The issue is the "dates". I havent been on a date in a very long time. The first night i always make them come to me, come to my house (If you want the routine I use just ask)..Since that happens often I have an expectation "it should always happen", "If I feel shes making excuses, shes not attracted",Stuff like that. its because ive pulled girls 2,3,4 in the morning. Went NC for months with girls who would make excuses, to the next time around them coming over the first night...Ive had girls drive 2 and a half hours to come see me. You get my point..So in my head any type of "Resistance" is an excuse.

We all know the more you text or talk up to the day of the hang out the less chance she is going to come through, Less is more in this situation. Then I say i have to go to stop talking, then the girls get pissy with me.

Heres the kicker. I get insecure about my self if I put in the effort of talking to the chick, planning the hang out, she agrees. Then just bails or bombs the day of. had everything from her not responding that day, to last minute flaking, to her saying "IDK", "I dont know you well enough"..All the normal stuff when woman are having second thoughts. I know this is Online Dating for you, and I know 99% of the how to get to past this and push through it, but when it happens it actually gets to me....Which is why I put the title as "Changing MY mindset"..I know its me here. There has to be something im doing wrong for this to happen. Maybe im talking to to many girls at one time my mind is all over the place? Plus the expectations i have.

Statistics: Wasn't on often and I got 11 numbers in the past two days just from Tinder alone. Out of those 11 numbers, I hung out with 1 of them, most of them I just let go because "I saw the excuse pattern". I have plans tomorrow night. Had two separate girls for tonight in-case one flaked, and had one flake on me and the other not respond.

Has anyone here had this problem and how did they overcome it?

 

[Stagger Lee]

You heard some black people sometimes say, "you have white people problems". You have good looking, young guy problems. I feel I'm doing well to get a girl from online to meet up at a bar, let alone me go directly to hers or my house. Then if I get her to go back to her place, I consider it a success.

Women are flaky, women online are extra flaky. Online they get invited over to guys' houses all the time. As much as I try to stop using PUA terms, it sets off their anti-slut defense, even though they are sluts.

My experience is women, sometimes come at a steady rate, but often they come in downpours and then draughts.

It sounds like you are doing good, maybe don't realize how good you have it and are half bragging.

 

[Crissco]

You heard some black people sometimes say, "you have white people problems". You have good looking, young guy problems. I feel I'm doing well to get a girl from online to meet up at a bar, let alone me go directly to hers or my house. Then if I get her to go back to her place, I consider it a success.

Women are flaky, women online are extra flaky. Online they get invited over to guys' houses all the time. As much as I try to stop using PUA terms, it sets off their anti-slut defense, even though they are sluts.

My experience is women, sometimes come at a steady rate, but often they come in downpours and then draughts.

It sounds like you are doing good, maybe don't realize how good you have it and are half bragging.

I do realize how well I am doing. My friends, family, and acquaintances do tell me that, and I am self aware of it. But I dont post here for no reason, I actually haven't in a long time. This stuff that I posted about, literally hits me, get my insecurities going. Im trying to find out the answers to my problem so I can stop making the same mistakes. I know nothing is ever 100%, but im going to do what ever i could to try to get it as close to there as I can.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Right, I'm not trying to minimize it, but if you realize that women are flaky especially online and even more so if you are trying to quickly escalate to isolation, and you realize that you do prety well and can fairly easy get other women, then what other knowledge would better change your mindset?

What else will anyone say other than you feel insecure because you base your self esteem on women, outcome dependent, or too much ego etc. Sometimes, we have too high expectations. Just as it's unreasonable to expect flaky girls are going to stop being flaky, maybe it is unreasonable to not feel insecure about women at times. In order to really get rid of insecurity, you may have to become a little jaded. It's kind of like you have to experience highs and lows or everything just seems flat.

To be honest pick up is not always easy on the psyche. Not saying you should get into a LTR, but it's possible you need to slow it down a little and maybe have a FB or two and not go for as many scores if that's the case. Eliminate at least some of the external source of your insecurity.

 

[Crissco]

Right, I'm not trying to minimize it, but if you realize that women are flaky especially online and even more so if you are trying to quickly escalate to isolation, and you realize that you do prety well and can fairly easy get other women, then what other knowledge would better change your mindset?

What else will anyone say other than you feel insecure because you base your self esteem on women, outcome dependt, or too much ego etc. Sometimes, we have too high expectations. Just as it's unreasonable to expect flaky girls are going to stop being flaky, maybe it is unreasonable to not feel insecure about women at times. In order to really get rid of insecurity, you may have to become a little jaded. It's kind of like you have to experience highs and lows or everything just seems flat.

Yes i know I can get other woman, its not that. Its the fact it happens a lot. I get other chicks then it happens with them also. So it has to be me doing something here. Thats what im getting at.

Jaded? Im very jaded IMO, which is why I have relationship problems. Like said, I expect this and that. I expect girls to do X for me because of good experiences yes, but I also expect the flaking, the excuses, the bull, not in a good way, in an "f*ck here we go again, I feel the adrenaline rising* angry way..Because I put in time and effort and then its same crap. If I wasnt jaded I wouldnt "See whats coming" Ya know what i mean?

Everything your saying I have experienced in every way. More then just dating(Different story)..All im trying to say is, this keeps happening, so its ME. Thats what im trying to fix.