Changed things up; she bailed

[GADavid]

So, I felt I was getting the run around. I took a good hard look at this relationship. I was boarding on needy. I pulled back immediately yet tactfully. She even said things along the lines of "you're quiet". I laughed it off and didn't make a big deal of anything.

Asked her to do something and she had plans already. She apologized and said she knew she was annoying me lately. Again, I laughed it off and said I wasn't looking to get into a fight over it. No big deal.

I haven't heard from her since. More importantly I haven't tried to follow up with her after she couldn't make time for me. This leads me to the sick theory that she actually liked the neediness, which goes against everything here. I'm ashamed to think I've been nothing but an ego boost to this woman and when I stopped doing that and stopped taking her seriously, she checked out.

Anyway, I feel like I can't win. Too much attention and I'm being used. Too little and they bail. I'm tired of the drama. I guess the most important thing I've learned here is the NO woman is a special case or unique. They're all pretty much the same.

 

[Starfvcks 64]

"This leads me to the sick theory that she actually liked the neediness, which goes against everything here."

She likes the neediness because she likes knowing she can control you. You are doing the right thing by withdrawing, but i'd be careful about the "explanations" you keep giving her.
You don't have to answer her at all, and you definitely don't need to say passive aggressive comments like "I don't want to get in a fight over it."
Even if it's true.

Instead ignore, switch topics, or spin it back on her.
Who knows, maybe you still can get something from this relationship.
Sometimes all it takes is withdrawing and seeming uninterested to make a girl appreciate you more.

I'm doing it right now with a girl I've known for a while and can already see the difference. It's normal for girls to test a guys dependance on her, in a very paradoxical way.

Go minimal contact, and if she hits you up don't give her much attention. Set up a date, like: "What night are you free to grab drinks"

If she flakes after that, forget her.

 

[Tomo]

The ironic thing is when she decides to call it quits or finds someone else, these will be the exact same reasons she'll use to break up with you. Go the preemptive strike mate. Drop her and meet someone new. Never be afraid to do that. That's the best way I find to not only allow you to get over someone but also to throw it in her face that she was to you just as you were to her.

 

[GADavid]

Good advise here. I hadn't thought of my comment about not wanting it to turn into a fight as being passive aggressive. I meant that honestly, but can now see how it is very passive aggressive in reality. I think you're right about not giving explanations at all. Just switch topics.

I didn't waste any time. She didn't make time for me, so I made other plans with a different girl. Undoubtedly why she's angry now, but I've told her I'm not spending Saturday night alone because she's too busy. I think she's not too happy I called her bluff and made better plans at such short notice.

 

[mikey2012]

Was in similar situation to you. She needed me to be needy so she could feel better about herself . She had self esteem issues. She wanted an enormous amount of attention. She went back to her hubby coz he gave that to her. But you know what he cheated on him. You can't win with these women.

 

[Cremasta]

Anyway, I feel like I can't win. Too much attention and I'm being used. Too little and they bail.

Wrong! You had a huge win here.

If she comes back to you on your terms - you've got a better trained plate to spin - WIN!
If doesn't come back at all - you've gotten rid of a high maintenance pain - WIN!

It's all how you look at it