Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Change of mindset

Ohso-Phresh

Senior Don Juan
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By complaining about things you could be taking action on. It’s like a fat guy whining about being fat while he sits there eating a bag of donuts. Would you tolerate that? You have it in your power to fix your situation. We have told you how to get started. From here, you either get started and keep asking us questions as you move forward, or you just keep whining and complaining while taking no steps to change your situation. If you are in such a hole that you can’t lift yourself up enough to even begin movement toward changing your situation, you need to see a therapist or hit rock bottom.
Boredom is the condition where you have your attention completely on yourself. Like an attention sponge it soaks up the energy around it.

Get curious about just one thing outside yourself.
 
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Been reading this forum for a while, but recent events decided me to join and ask for advice. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

Currently 31, have had three girlfriends in my life, but single for over 5 years now. Looks wise I think I'm ok, I've gotten good remarks and recently had some girl gave me her phone number without saying or asking anything. She was like only a 6,5 though, never did anything with it though. I workout and although it could be better, I think I look ok. Two things that keep going on in my mind is the fact I am completely gray and I'm only 5"8. It affects my mental well being a lot.

The reason I join is because I can not conquer my own mind. I tend to let external events affect my mood. For example: I've been texting this girl, she's very cute, when she texts me or says something nice, I feel on top of the world. This feeling only lasts for like 10-30 minutes. After that I start to feel worse again. Then she texts again and all is good for a while. If I see her in real life and see her talkin to another guy,
I feel like ****. If I caught her looking, it's good for a few minutes. If she doesn't text for a day, I tend to think I just suck and I've ruined it somehow, that she'll never want me. Other examples: when people are having a good time without me, I feel bad and sadly when people
(who I envy or hate) have some bad luck, I feel better as well.

I can not feel good just by myself.

I know I need to change my mindset, but I don't know how. I've recently started to do some extreme sports, drive with my car on circuits and workout even harder. Although I all love it, I still come home and feel the same useless loser. Then something happens, I feel good (or even much worse) for a while and it's all over again. I know it's impossible to keep riding "a high" constantly, but I'm fed up with my lows, I know it's not worth it to feel like this. Unfortunately so many external events have pushed me into this.
First, welcome to this weird and wonderful forum!

a couple things i noted here:

1) No amount of external circumstance can solve fundamental neuroticism. I'm not claiming any mental illness on your part ( although about 1/3 people have something so... ya) The issue is SOLVING the core psychological issues. The only thing I've found to be reliably effective in that regard is Reading + introspecting + journalling over the long term. It's kind of like sweeping dust under a rug and then saying 'see, everything is fine.' Remove that rug, clean that dirt, and deep clean your mental room.

2) If you manage to figure out what you need to solve and solve it over the medium to long term you may come back to this post and realize that your language makes it seem like your focused on others not on yourself. at least more than 50 % of the time I'd guess.

3) Height doesn't mean sweet **** all to most women. I'm 5'7''. Get over it. Womens assessment of sexual value is multi-factored. Height is only 1 factor.

4) You typed "I can not feel good just by myself." Objectively not a useful or true belief. you need to figure out how to move that mindset to 'it's possible to feel good by myself' and hopefully to 'I feel great being by myself. any additional pleasant social interaction is just a bonus.' from reactive to neutral to proactive essentially

I guess in the shortest way possible I can confidently say solve ALL your issues then you'll feel amazing!

Cheers!
 
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