Change: Having Epiphanies left and right.

[Contender]

I finally grabbed what's left of my courage, and decided that I need to make some changes in my life. After reading some testimonials from members of this site, I decided to finally join their ranks and change for the better.

This is a truly great forum. I'm glad to have found it.

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I have reach a weird stage in my life. I feel that I have lost control of it. I see my high school years as a young teenager fly by between my fingers; unable to grasp it.

I look at life and the world around me, and see it in a different light. It's completely confusing!

I had a self-realization that I am not who I think I am. I have a lot to work on. I need to improve... but how?

Today I went to school to pick up my LAST program for the remainder of my SENIOR year. I feel like a loser. I have NOTHING. I am thin and weak.

Though there was an amusing incident outside of school which contradicts my rant. I was hanging outside with an old friend, whom I knew since Elementary school. He is VERY popular in my High School, and is acquainted with all the girls from school. As I walked with him to meet with our friend, Vicky, who I didn't see for a while because she transferred to a different high school, we bumped into two popular girls from my high school. One recognized me and said "hi." She then continued to flirt with my friend, leaving me there all alone. I just played it off cooly. I hide the pain. I said "hey" to the second girl who said "hi" in return.

I overheard her ask friend, "who's that cute kid?" -- referring to me, for she is well acquainted with my friend; I was the "kid," the unknown person.

Me, being a coward, walked away with my friend, never to see her again...

I'm very upset with myself. I am lazy. I am addicted to video games. I have no life. I am thin and, therefore, unattractive.

I NEED to change into a MAN. I want to develop into a well built and ripped man. I want to have a HIGH GPA. I want to be intelligent, charming, and funny. I want to become EVERYTHING I am not, while retaining my good qualities. I don't want to be lazy anymore. I want to change my life, for the better.

How?! How can I balance my life to have EVERYTHING?

P.S. I read the DJ Bible.

ONE TOP OF THAT:

I was rejected by this girl that I really liked. I will not whine much about it, but basically everything is going DOWNHILL.

MY HS GPA is terrible because I never took school seriously. My attention was solely focused on girls, not school work, not on personal interest. It proved futile, too. I didn't get any a*s. So, there goes my shot at the elite colleges! Fvck man.. that ReALLY pisses me off. If I had gotten into Harvard, or Cornell, I wouldn't care about this ****. I would be happy.

I didn't get the rejection letters yet, so I don't know if I got into the top schools on my list or not. But, most likely, I didn't get in. I'm fvcking ranked 70/420... it's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I need to FOCUS on something.

Clearly, you see how frustrated I am. My thoughts are all over the place; disorderly in a maniacal rage. I rarely b1tch. I only have one friend. No one knows me better than you do, after reading this sh1t--and my friend

Your help in fixing a fvcked up "nice guy" is very much appreciated.

 

[MrS]

It takes time, and experience, to build a fully fledged man. Same for a DJ.

Read the bible, you haven't. Specifically, read Pook's posts on attitude and such.

It's eye-opening stuff in the bible, but ultimately the changes come from you. From within. First step, take school seirously, do your BEST, then all the rest comes as you can control it far easier then.

If I had gotten into Harvard, or Cornell, I wouldn't care about this ****. I would be happy.

no, you wouldn't

read the bible, and pm me sometime if you want.

Take care, and slowly read through the attiude/llife psots in there.

 

[Contender]

I do take school seriously, but I don't do things I don't like. If it was a subject I loved, I would be all over it.

I'm struck with a plague of laziness. I choose to self study for the Advance Placement Calculus exam, however I cannot find the willpower to actually get my ass on the computer chair and STUDY! I am not a "Math" person, but I wanted the challenge. However, my mental block is proving to be the worst obstacle I ever faced.

I would be happy if I got into the top tier schools (i.e. Harvard, Cornell, etc.). Why wouldn't I be? My main reason for this "depression" is the lack of success; socially, academically, mentally, and physically.

I am lazy, and I want to change it. How? How does ONE take control of their life? How does one become the "MAN?"

EDIT: The DJ Bible is very helpful...

Sorry for the rant, it's my first time on this forum. I'll finish reading the DJ Bible before posting anything else.

Since this thread is already up, if anyone has any suggestions I am all ears (or all eyes, technically ).

 

[WesCottII]

Well mate, you have to want it. I mean really want it.

I take it that you do, but then it should be pretty easy to get stuff done.

 

[Contender]

Originally posted by WesCottII
Well mate, you have to want it. I mean really want it.

I take it that you do, but then it should be pretty easy to get stuff done.

It's painful to study, too. I know I have to. But, I find other things to do to divert my time (i.e. playing basketball instead of studying).

Ironically, I am answering my own questions. All I need to do is prioritize.

 

[WesCottII]

Well for me, motivation was easy.

When I'm in the gym, I piss myself off so much thinking about people who said "you can't lift you're too small" That anger gives me more desire. Now i'm the biggest guy in the school.

Studying has to be done, but again, people who said I was Nerd, a geek who I use to get so good damn grades that put theirs to shame.

and so forth......

 

[Contender]

Originally posted by WesCottII
Well for me, motivation was easy.

When I'm in the gym, I piss myself off so much thinking about people who said "you can't lift you're too small" That anger gives me more desire. Now i'm the biggest guy in the school.

Studying has to be done, but again, people who said I was Nerd, a geek who I use to get so good damn grades that put theirs to shame.

and so forth......

Motivation... that's it! I do things based on SHORT-TERM motivation.

Basketball, short-term satisfaction. Video games, short-term satisfaction.

Studying; long term satisfaction -- so far off, I didn't NOTICE it.

WOW!

 

[Contender]

I still do not feel compelled to study though.

UPDATE: I read the DJ Bible. Most of it is very repetitive, but I get the idea.

However, it doesn't feel as if it's enough.