Cautionary tale of someone who lost it all...

[synergy1]

Part of me dislikes posting someone elses story online, but I figure the anonymity is sufficient so as not to hurt anyone. It goes to illustrate what exactly can happen if a marriage doesn't work out.

One of my co workers started out in the same job as I did roughly 25-30 years ago. In my job, you start out earning the mid 60's (account inflation) , than acquire your target grade work some overtime and clear 100,000 dollars annually. Its overtime, and a lot of waiting around, missed weekends, holidays etc. During some programs, 12, 13 or 14 hour days are not uncommon - and you are coming in 7 days a week for a few months. Its a strain on families, and ones self.

Well this individual eventually made his way up the ladder, and along the way he married a women who had two kids from anther marriage. I would have taken this as a red flag, but can't really speak for her at this point since I wasn't there. Evidently after working this job for 15 years and amassing a small fortune, they had a really nasty divorce. She wanted everything including the house, kids and most of what he earned as a lead engineer. According to him, he lost 650,000 dollars, and the house and was going to basically surrender most of his income thereafter for 10 years.

Think about losing over half a million dollars and forcing to work the type of job I described for 10 years BEFORE you are at zero dollars. Bear in mind his salary is in the top 10% of earners at this point and still not even breaking even.. Well this guy did just that. A few years ago he finally broke even at zero dollars net worth. At first when I met the guy, I thought I didn't really like him but now I just feel sorry for the dude. Its clear he is dead on the inside.

I don't want this to be a rant about marriage, but I did want to bring up some discussion points to ponder:

1- Short of not marrying this women, how could one have avoided losing it all. Offshore accounts? Money in IRAs, funds, equity?

2- How does one mentally recover from this? If I had lost this much and condemned to servitude for another decade, fleeing the country might be an option. ( on the bright side, his 401k was untouched)

3- Last but not least, is marriage worth it? This risk seems like more than someone like me can handle. I think the social stigma attached with being in a partnership with a women would be preferred to taking on such a giant risk.

Thanks for listening to the non-married guy I look forward to your comments.

 

[zekko]

It sounds like he is paying some child support. Did they have any children of their own? Did he end up adopting her children from a previous marriage, do you know? I'm not that familiar with law, surely you can't be held responsible for her children from a previous marriage if you don't adopt them?

I have to agree with those who say there is very little incentive to marry for a man, unless perhaps you want to have children and raise a family, but if you do that it exposes you to even more risk. It would be different if women took the vows more seriously, but they are overwhelmingly the ones who decide to end it, usually over the objections of their baffled husbands. With that in mind, I can't recommend marriage.

 

[backbreaker]

the only defense a man has against this **** is to screen better.

men are told not to ask questions and be happy someone loves you. that will get you right where this guy is.

everytime i had a woman tell me soemthing like were are we going or you don't ever plan on settling down i think of a guy like this lol. i will be freaking damned .

 

[Burroughs]

if i were ever to marry

bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha

and a divorce was even HINTED AT i would empty all accounts and leave the country asap, in fact i would have those contingency plans in place b4 the marriage....luggage and cash ready to fly to a overseas destination

above NO JOINT ACCOUNTS AND TRUST STRUCTURE FOR ALL MAJOR ASSETS, FAMILY MONEY ETC

some might say if this is the truth of modern women why marry

and i would say...exactly

 

[In2theGame]

when i read sh*t like this... it makes me take a step back and wonder what would have happened if i married earlier in my life. Almost married twice and although i loved my serious ex GF's... i hear the same thing not only on here but from older men i know.... dont do it yet or dont do it at all. It sucks when a LTR with a GF ends.. i cant really imagine being married and my wife decides to pull the plug and take my kids, house and money. i would snap.

 

[synergy1]

It sounds like he is paying some child support. Did they have any children of their own? Did he end up adopting her children from a previous marriage, do you know? I'm not that familiar with law, surely you can't be held responsible for her children from a previous marriage if you don't adopt them?

I have to agree with those who say there is very little incentive to marry for a man, unless perhaps you want to have children and raise a family, but if you do that it exposes you to even more risk. It would be different if women took the vows more seriously, but they are overwhelmingly the ones who decide to end it, usually over the objections of their baffled husbands. With that in mind, I can't recommend marriage.

You are correct, he took on two kids from the first marriage of this and had at least one of his own. A lot of the money was put into child support as you said. I also hear that the law in the state in question is very one sided and favors the women. Another co worker is going through a divorce, and the women is asking for 400 dollars per week on child support. This one is less messy, but still it seems that women in the divorces up in this area ask for unrealistic 'support'.

Burroughs, I am in the process of setting up an offshore account. One of my friends lives overseas @ the location I want to do this. Any other suggestions for this? Its not a huge rush for me though, but i'd like to get it moving within a year.

Just out of interest, what job is that? Lawyer/doctor/banker/accountant?

Shift engineers - most of that salary is overtime. I'll send you a PM if you want to know more, I like keeping some details vague since this is a message board

 

[Burroughs]

Hiding your assests and using offshore accounts won't work. Divorce lawyers will find out how much money you make, believe me it's not that hard at all, and unless you work in a cash-only industry like drug dealing lol the judge in any family law proceeding will know exactly how much you make. If you try to avoid making money or quit your job the court may impute income to you, meaning they will assign a random number to match the salary they think you should be making.

The point isn't to hide money the point is to LIMIT ACCESS...thats what an offshore instrument does....a lawyer may realize some money exists BUT HE CAN'T TOUCH IT NOR CAN THE STATE...SEE THE BENEFIT..

Oh and don't ever set foot in family court...leave immediately...after divorce if you are not $$$ like tiger woods....you will become a second class citizen, a wage slave to the state who will not recover financially until you are 60..thats no way to spend your golden years..poor and in debt because of a selfish cvnt who watched too much Ellen and realized she could take your money through the fraudulent courts and throw you to the curb....thats all the divorce industry is a socialist wage extraction.

understand in advance how ruinous family courts are towards men and prepare..most countries won't extradite over family law so you are safe lay low in brazil, sit on the beach, fvck the local chicas,...men would be smarter with this attitude: 'If I divorce the biatch ain't getting one red fvcking cent'

best bet is not to ever marry

but most men deep in their hearts are weak, they think with their d!cks and all the implanted hollywood romcoms in their brains and will cave to the first hb7+ who acts 'nice' and gives steady sex...men think they found a 'friend' when in reality she is just a charismatic parasite who takes it up the azz sometimes...you don't have to wife her because of that....of course bad things only happen to other men right

plan ahead for the worst and you'll be much more prepared if and when it does come...which it probably will

don't end up like this guy.... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195329

 

[Burroughs]

Brad I'm talking about high net worth individuals...folks who have trusts and residences in other countries already in place before marriage.

I've rarely seen iron clad trusts broken even by aggressive divorce attorneys (not that they don't try)..this would not be counted in an income statement as long as trust income does not flow directly to you.

If you are making less than $200,000 it probably doesn't apply you shouldn't be get married to begin with.

 

[Burroughs]

And income from trusts, lottery winnings, civil ligitation ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING WILL BE IMPUTED TO YOU and you will have to pay child support, spousal support, and extraordinary expenses based on this amount.

frankly this depends on the structure of the trust and how good your lawyers are...most men have horrible divorce attorneys in the main...but in your experience how do judges decide how to impute income towards a high net worth but variable income individual?

Of course I agree with your underlying point...you get married you are willfully constructing a gigantic guillotine over your exposed neck...and you have no say over when the rope will be cut.

 

[betheman]

just dont get married, seriously, guys really need to be educated in what can go wrong as well as what goes right.
pay attention to a womans past, ok there will be lots of d1ckheads who say the past is the past, she isnt like that now....SH1TE!
There is a woman in my office, she is cute, funny, sexy and one of the most honest women I know. she doesnt want to get married, hates the thougth of living witha guy, adores her independance, she is a single parent, pretty broke too. she could easily find some douche to bail her out but she doesnt. in her words, women are snakes with t!ts ! she is one of the few women I listen too.
I will bever marry again and I got out of mine unscathed relatively, still paying some loans off but overall I could have been stung for much more.
screen screen screen, delay delay delay, then decide not to.
George Clooney has got his sh!t down, ok we cant all be him but he knows the deal

 

[Burroughs]

@bradd80 so it is clear that for men the contract of marriage is a heinous, backbreaking contract whose terms are onerous and should be illegal in a sane society

so then what is it about men that we don't fight this contract tooth and nail to be abolished as a legal procedure?

men collectively are blind, ignorant, morons that we allow this knife to be held at our throats.

most western men are delusional white knights that believe things of women that are laughable, fanciful, and downright dangerous.

the contract of marriage and the way judges in family court interpret them is a travesty and a fraud and why men are not in the streets causing an uproar over this is mystifying.

the forced financial enslavement of men by the judicial system upheld by the police by men seeking the dissolution of a contract that was willfully signed between two private parties IS FRAUD ON THE HIGHEST ORDER.

 

[Burroughs]

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/art...philippines-leaving-four-kids-without-support

wow we were just discussing this!

Donna has only her selfish cvnt azz to blame....you have special needs kids....THEN DON'T BE SELFISH AND GET A DIVORCE YOU STUPID EMOTIONAL CVNT...I BET SHE MADE HIM GET THAT MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOW HER DUMB AZZ CANT AFFORD IT...

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HUSBAND...GIVE HIM A BLOJOB ONCE IN A WHILE..RUB HIS FEET...REMEMBER YOU'RE IN THIS LIFE TOGETHER...GIVE HIM A GOOD FVCK ONCE IN A WHILE....DONT BLAME THE MARRIAGE EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A FVCKING HOT FLASH

bravo to the husband....sorry about the kids but they should know mommy is a selfish cvnt...

of course the courts, the state, the media, and the cvnt wife blame the man and assume no responsibility...FVCKING TYPICAL.

 

[Burroughs]

Ok after reading this case it was kind of extreme, I mean one of the kids has cancer, another has down syndrome, the third is a terminal drug addict while the fourth apparently suffers from depression. But most cases aren't this severe.

Now I'm not too upset about guys having to pay some money for their kids, I mean you gotta pay for that whether you're still with the woman or not.. what I can't get over is the spousal support. This definitely needs to change. The woman in this article claimed that "financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I am approaching bankruptcy" yet she lives in a $1.2 million dollar home overlooking a lake purchased with - you guessed it - the hard earned money of this "deadbeat dad." It's just kinda sick how men have to pay for women so long after the marriage has ended. I really don't get this.. women don't have to keep f*cking the ex and making him dinner so why does he keep having to support her for so long? like wtf!

Yunno I'm going to be harsh here...and I have a daughter but luckily I was never married to the mother

Father's have no rights over their kids under the legal system in relation to the mother..the mother is the difacto caregiver the man is seen as 'provider'...SO WHY SHOULD MEN PAY SH!T?

and men have no clue how they are being jerked

Its a women's body right? she has the right to kill AT HER SOLE FVCKING DISCRETION...so she has the right to abortion and she doesn't need the father's permission..fine

no problem

then a women shouldn't be able to demand through the courts any kind of payment for the children in life...either the mother/father are partners in all things or they are partners in nothing..you can't just pick and choose....THIS SH!T HAS TO GO BOTH WAYS OTHERWISE IT IS A PROFOUND INJUSTICE.