Cause for Concern

[Weak_Game]

So here i sit in disbelief. As not one but two girls sit on the edge of my bed. Each on there cell tucking their boyfriends in for the night. Reasuring them of there love and how they are crashing at each others house (after the club). Almost simultanously the cell phones close with a "clack". They turn to me, I smile and mutter "Shower?". Both bust out in giggles as I retrieve towels for the 3 of us... the rest is what most guys put on there top ten list of things to do before they die....

((little preface i didnt know they had boyfriends till they had to make a quick call... i was actually feeling pretty bad for the guys and a little disgusted at the girls but to each there own it didnt last that long due to just going with it. ))

So here i am 23 freshly out of a semi LTR with a girl 6 years younger then me. She was young. I knew this. It wasn't going to last forever. So i definatly put as many miles on that vagina as i could. Even if I had Don Juans di-ck himself. She needed to see what was out there. She was curious. We broke it off on good terms. So she could be young dumb and experiment.

So i started to "Spin more Plates". I got good at it. Girls chased me, not the other way around.

Now fast forward to the present. Currently dating a beautiful well educated girl of the same age as me. We have a very good future together if things pan out. The DJ thing is fine but i prefer monogomy. Weather it works or not is a different story.

So far i have done everything right. She chased me. She asked me "out". Almost begging for me to be "hers". I AM THE PRIZE! When we hang out I leave her wanting more. We act like children and she loves every min of it. Im Don Juan in her eyes. She shows me off to friends and family like some trophy boyfriend.

Its only been 2 months. Still the honey moon phase. Its expected. Now do i have Cause for Concern? Some red flags have gone off. Im having that nasty guy feeling.

She enjoys going out with girlfriends and bar hoping. I dont mind a club on occasion, but i have better things to do with my time. Between my job, pursuing martial arts and working out like its a part time job. Im surprised I even have time for a relationship.

This past Friday she went bar hoping with several females from her school. Due to work I passed. She was going to cut out early and visit with me for the remainder of the night. She ended up being an hour late. I had a sinking gut feeling something was wrong. I got some Bull-sh-it story about how she didnt wanna walk back to her car alone.

I went with my gut. Started to probe. Found out every bar she went too there was an "issue". With guys hitting on her etc. I guess at one point she went outside and some guy motioned for her to come over. She did he grabbed her hand and kissed her on the cheeck. (Sounds Shady).

Now i didnt freak out and yell. I did ask her to get off my lap and not touch me till i figured out what was going on. I expressed what should she expect. Shes at a bar with a group of girls with no guy insight. I feel her going out getting drunk at bars/house parties whatever. Its disrespectful to me and the realationship. It shows shes not taking me seriously. I give her all my days off that im not working so we can spend time together. Then she puts herself in these situations. She tried to reasure me she told them she had a boyfriend and she wasnt interested. But if you look back to the begining of my story. A Boyfriend is just another hurdle to jump over.

She obviously cried. We talked. She would rather have me there. I dont want to be her probation officer and know where she is 24/7. I hate insecurities with a passion. She aggred that its a bad idea going to bars. Thats where the stem of our recent problems have come from.

Then the day after she messages me before work. The second thing after "hello" was about how her brothers friend tackled her, "beat her up" and was stealing her slippers while she chased him. (aka what children do when they like each other, even on a subconscious level she showed signs of interest)

I told her we needed to talk. So here i am sitting writting this. Has my insecurity and oneits resurfaced. Has it stripped away my DJism? Or do i have justification for these recent feelings. Are these red flags?

I would rather not have her fall into the list of my many x's. Another "Next". But i am not sure how to go about dealing with this. Within a year she will be done with school. Moved out of her parents house and busy with her career. Is now just not the right time? Ive spent the past few days obsessing over this. I have wasted way way way too much energy on this situation. It needs to end now if not yesterday. I can either Choose to trust her and continue with the relationship. Or i can choose not to be with her.

Any thoughts?

(ps i choose not to spell check due to just getting out of a 12 hour shift and the gym im exhausted let alone the energy used in re living this again)

 

[Desdinova]

Then the day after she messages me before work. The second thing after "hello" was about how her brothers friend tackled her, "beat her up" and was stealing her slippers while she chased him. (aka what children do when they like each other, even on a subconscious level she showed signs of interest)

This is stuff YOU should be doing with her. Doing stuff like this in a LTR will keep things feeling fresh, fun, and exciting.

The problem is you're only getting one side of the story. From what it sounds like, she isn't initiating any of this. There's nothing you can do to stop another guy from hitting on your gf. What you can do is be much more valuable than those other guys. You might want to try escalating the fun in your relationship with her. Next time you're with her, pull off one of her socks and don't give it back right away

Although it may bug you, don't let issues like this get the best of your relationship. They're out of your control. What was she supposed to do? Walk home with no shoes on?

Unless her behavior around you starts to dramatically change (doesn't want to see you lots, quits saying "I Love You"), there shouldn't be any cause for concern.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Before I go hog wild with this, how old are you and how old is she?

 

[Wyldfire]

Erm...so let me get this straight...you are messing around with not just one, but two girls in your shower and you're upset because some guy kissed your girlfriend on the cheek? You really can't expect her to be faithful and loyal when you aren't holding yourself to the same standard.

That's about it...

And Rollo...he said they are both 23.

 

[DJDamage]

.I went with my gut. Started to probe. Found out every bar she went too there was an "issue". With guys hitting on her etc. I guess at one point she went outside and some guy motioned for her to come over. She did he grabbed her hand and kissed her on the cheeck. (Sounds Shady).

You had every right to be irritated. She goes to bars with her single girlfriends getting drunk and allow guys to hit on her because "she can't help herself"?? that is bvllsh1t. She is putting herself in a situation where something might happen while been encouraged by her single girlfriends. Don't be surprised if she comes crying to you some day that while being drunk some guy sexually assulted her and now she is the victim. Its those kind of stories I hear alot and I cringe. Why the b1tch has to go to a bar with her girlfriends wearing a sexy outfit and get drunk?? She can go shopping with her girlfriends or do other stuff but being a bar rat will certainly not sit well.

.She tried to reasure me she told them she had a boyfriend and she wasnt interested.

She forgot to mention in her story that she enjoyed the half an hour attention wh0ring those guys supplicated to her and she was flirting and laughing with them through out the night. Yep she really tried hard to tell them she was off the market.

.Then the day after she messages me before work. The second thing after "hello" was about how her brothers friend tackled her, "beat her up" and was stealing her slippers while she chased him. (aka what children do when they like each other, even on a subconscious level she showed signs of interest)

"beat her up" stands for playfully tackling her to the floor while rubbing his body against her. You have to ask yourself why does this sh1t happens to her even when she is away from the bar atmosphere?? It is obvious that she gives guys the "go" sign with her behaviour and they take it to the next level.

Remember what you said earlier? that you believe that YOU ARE THE PRIZE??!! well why then settle for a girl who can't apperciate and act as if she has THE PRIZE? maybe its because she ain't a PRIZE herself and you can do better.

DjDamage

 

[Wyldfire]

She is telling him this stuff because she feels like he's not paying enough attention to her himself. Even if a woman is madly in love with a man, if she feels ignored and isn't getting the attention and affection she needs she will seek it elsewhere. That's what she's doing. She's telling him about it in a last ditch attempt to get him to give her what she needs. If he doesn't, she will be gone.

Is it right for her to do this? No, it's not...it's hurtful for someone to do that. Likewise, perhaps if he was out at the bar WITH his girlfriend instead of in his shower with two other girls his girlfriend might be holding his hand and kissing him instead of some other guy.

 

[Potbelly]

Yeah I gotta go with Wyldfire on this one. Seems like she's telling you this to get your attention again...since you seem to lead a really busy life. You may not have time, or may not be putting enough time, into this relationship it seems.

 

[Skel]

Is the pot calling the kettle black? You just had a 3some and your mad at your girl getting kissed on the cheek

 

[Weak_Game]

We are both 23 and less then a month away from being 24.

I posted this in the mature section in hopes of quality responces. Unfortunatly not to start a huge flame. The reading comprehension from many of the replies is beyond off.

We have been dating for 2 months. Re read my post please with a little effort. There is no cheating on my part. Nor am i sure about hers. The 3 some is a small story several months before i even knew of or dated her. It was during my rebound phase after being in a semi LTR with a girl 6 years my senior. This was when i was DJing it up living my life. Spinning plates. Thats where the story comes from. Its used to emphises her responce to telling other guys she has a boyfriend. Also to portray my life before the relationship.

The relationship is realativly new. I give her as much attention as possible. I have 3 days off a week i deveote to her. Where we go out together as a couple, and spend quality time together. She gets attention unless she craves more. Shes a very flirty girl though that may be an underlying problem. Other then that i do keep busy with self improvment in lue of girls leaving and feeling empty handed. As long as i keep improving i ll have no sense of loss if a girl leaves me.

Another note, neither of us have been toying with or tossing around the word "love" carelessly as someone else stated with her possibly not saying it anymore. There is a possibility for it but were far from it.

"beat her up" stands for playfully tackling her to the floor while rubbing his body against her. You have to ask yourself why does this sh1t happens to her even when she is away from the bar atmosphere?? It is obvious that she gives guys the "go" sign with her behaviour and they take it to the next level.

djdamage, thats exactly my point. She says shes quitting the "bar scene" because its a bad idea due to isses at bars. Then the next day she tells me this. Im almost thinking shes creating these "issues" on her own. And it has nothing to do with the bar scene. Its her.

When i go out when i was single sarging. I could tell when a girl had no interest in me. I also respected boyfriend lines. Even if it was a bi_tch shield. It meant "not interested" i would never grab a girls hand and make a move for a kiss. Thats asking for a slap. Something sounds shady with this girls stories. Or is it me?

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...so you didn't cheat. Honestly, though...the way you worded your post it DID sound like you were messing around on her.

I just started a thread a little bit ago in General Discussion that I think might help you out a bit. Sounds like you need to get a reality check on your feelings...and that thread might just be what the doctor ordered.

 

[Weak_Game]

Okay...so you didn't cheat. Honestly, though...the way you worded your post it DID sound like you were messing around on her.

I just started a thread a little bit ago in General Discussion that I think might help you out a bit. Sounds like you need to get a reality check on your feelings...and that thread might just be what the doctor ordered.

Read your post. There is no "love" in this relationship. Its too new. I agree it takes months to develope that (if not longer). I know the difference between what i have now infactuation and love. I love myself. There were no issues in this relationship till i saw these "flags". Thats my question if i have cause for concern or not. I have no problem walking away from this girl. I just dont want to be over reacting and caught up in the moment. Do something i may regret later down the road. Letting insecurity take over and make a decision for me.


ALSO WHY WAS THIS POST MOVED TO THE GENERAL DISCUSSION, im 24... in less then a month!

 

[Wyldfire]

If her behavior makes you feel like sh*t then break up with her. If you aren't putting any effort in and she has reason to seek out affection and attention elsewhere then do more to meet those needs she has. You have to do one or the other.