Caught girlfriend out with another male, 2 yr relationship is over.

[Nutz]

Props to the OP. Others can also learn from this thread by what to watch out for. As I've said repeatedly, some of the biggest red flags of cheating or a pending break-up are girls nights out, new sexy clothes you haven't seen hear wearing, talking about other guys (she shouldn't have other men on her brain when she's not around them), and going to the gym out of the blue. Hanging out with guys that are "just friends" is also a huge red flag.

 

[cordoncordon]

Couple of things. First, in a post back in March or so you said you had been dating this girl only 4 months, and now you say its been 2 years? By my calc., thats barely even a year .

Secondly, in prior posts she has tried going to a prom with some other guy taking her, NOT YOU, and in another, you caught her hanging around/talking to another guy. So why is this a shock? Really, you only have yourself to blame for allowing yourself to be disrespected for so many months instead of dumping her long ago. She knew she could get away with this, and so she did it. And YOU STILL kinda want her back! Dude, this isnt her issue (cheating) this is YOUR issue for letting yourself be a doormat.

Grow some ballz man and end this for good like you should have last spring over the prom incident.

 

[cordoncordon]

Props to the OP. Others can also learn from this thread by what to watch out for. As I've said repeatedly, some of the biggest red flags of cheating or a pending break-up are girls nights out, new sexy clothes you haven't seen hear wearing, talking about other guys (she shouldn't have other men on her brain when she's not around them), and going to the gym out of the blue. Hanging out with guys that are "just friends" is also a huge red flag.

Read his posts from earlier this year about the girl. The OP deserves no props, none whatsoever.

 

[WhtRbt]

I gotta say man you handled that like a champ.

Please stay away from this girl forever. Right now I know it makes sense why you shouldn't see her. But in a few months it may seem like you can 'handle it' and just catch up with her a bit, especially if you're in a dry spell. Especially after you THINK you have fixed yourself up.

I went through a similar experience as you, was in a 2 year relationship, engaged, everything. When we broke up my whole world was pretty much shattered. I did all the self improvement stuff and was doing really good... working out, going out with new girls, etc.

Well after a few months I started 'secretly' seeing my ex again. We would just hang out at night and not in public.

Please do not do this. I knew it was a bad idea and that I shouldn't have been doing it, but like others have said, it's like an addiction. I mean, I knew exactly how to get what I wanted from this girl. She was the perfect ego boost. Don't do it.

Anyway I think you'll find that this experience is one you would never change. You'll look back and think 'wtf was I thinking??'

May you find yourself and live happily every moment =)

 

[Cure]

stay strong man, you've handled it beautifully so far, and props to your mate as well. Hang in there, it will get better.

cure.

 

[cordoncordon]

Again, while I sympathize with the OP and wish him the best, why all the props? Read his history with the girl, if had never acted like a chump in the first place he wouldn't even be in this position.

 

[Skydiver43127]

Don't know the the whole story, but the "kicked her out part" tells me enough.

The original mistake was to let her stay at your place, with you paying the rent. This immediately set you in a provider frame. Girls are as much slaves to their emotions as we are. All things considered the guy providing the emotion will always beat the guy paying the rent. It's a cruel but absolute principle - the integrity of the girl doesn't really matter. Would you be with the girl knowing she wants to sleep with the other guy but is holding back for moral reasons?

To get over this you must learn and forgive. Learn from your mistake and next time be the guy providing more emotion. Or, if you were with a BPD - learn to find a girl who needs less. If she bears the fault for this transgression, you have no power to avoid it next time. If you bear the fault, you have all the power to not let it happen again. It is NOT IN YOUR INTEREST to blame her.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Is this true? Where did he say this?

The movie Magnolia!


Great job handling this man, you MUST follow the advice of horaholic/KX and your buddy, they all have your best interest in mind. Keep your head up.

 

[cw92]

Couple of things. First, in a post back in March or so you said you had been dating this girl only 4 months, and now you say its been 2 years? By my calc., thats barely even a year .

Secondly, in prior posts she has tried going to a prom with some other guy taking her, NOT YOU, and in another, you caught her hanging around/talking to another guy. So why is this a shock? Really, you only have yourself to blame for allowing yourself to be disrespected for so many months instead of dumping her long ago. She knew she could get away with this, and so she did it. And YOU STILL kinda want her back! Dude, this isnt her issue (cheating) this is YOUR issue for letting yourself be a doormat.

Grow some ballz man and end this for good like you should have last spring over the prom incident.

Me and my younger brother use this account, if you look his posts should be in the HS section, where as my other ones were in this forum, and if his was in this one I apologize, but I'm not in HS so how could i be going to prom?

Thanks anyway

 

[cw92]

Update: (this post didn't show up)

I arrived home this morning around 10ish and her bags were gone, but she was still there. She cried and told me she loved me and that she was sorry, etc..etc..

I then told her to leave and to not contact me agian. She told me she understood and that she loved me dearly, and that it was just a mistake. She also said that she would wait untill I wanted to talk...

During all this I kind of just stood there, and asked her to leave. I'm pretty disguted with myself right now.

 

[cordoncordon]

Me and my younger brother use this account, if you look his posts should be in the HS section, where as my other ones were in this forum, and if his was in this one I apologize, but I'm not in HS so how could i be going to prom?

Thanks anyway

Understood and that clarification helps. In that case, just dump the girl and move on. You deserve better.

 

[zekko]

Read his posts from earlier this year about the girl. The OP deserves no props, none whatsoever.

I don't recall his earlier posts, but from this thread it appears that he is making improvements in himself, so why not encourage it? Lots of guys come here looking to be pointed in the right direction, props to him for finally getting it.

 

[kody_starr]

You handled the situation well, with a lot of composure.

 

[backbreaker]

you could not have possibly handled that situation any better.

that's why I keep coming back here. very proud of you.


the only advice I can give is she needs to be dead to you. do not concern yourself with how many times she has called. it doesn't matter beucase you will never speak to her again.

you deserve better. you have to honestly believe that.

 

[kody_starr]

Yes, it is a challenge not looking back in situations like this. Very often, people will devote years to unhealthy relationships, and even when we're better off without those people, cutting those people off creates an emotional vacuum.

It can be quite distressing looking for emotionally balanced, confident, sane people, however. You have to walk a fine line between setting a boundary at intolerant behavior and recognizing and accepting tolerable faults in yourself and others and giving them and yourself another chance.

I don't recall his earlier posts, but from this thread it appears that he is making improvements in himself, so why not encourage it? Lots of guys come here looking to be pointed in the right direction, props to him for finally getting it.

 

[jophil28]

She cried and told me she loved me and that she was sorry, etc..etc..

I then told her to leave and to not contact me agian. She told me she understood and that she loved me dearly, and that it was just a mistake. She also said that she would wait untill I wanted to talk...

During all this I kind of just stood there, and asked her to leave. I'm pretty disguted with myself right now.

She cried because women do that to manipulate men into softening.

She was "sorry" because her cheating behavior was unsuccessful and she was caught out.

"I love you dearly .." is another desperate manipulation . Love is not some gooey overwhelming feeling. "Loving " a person carries with it an obligation to value and revere that person and behave in ways that reflect that love.
She did not do that - she failed the "love" test because she was seeking some emotional benefits from another man while living with you. Cheating starts when one person turns outside the primary relationship for romance or sex from a third person. It starts long before the zippers come down.
Love is about how you conduct yourself , ergo 'loving' someone automatically excludes cheating..

Her actions were not a mistake. A "mistake "is when a woman burns the toast or even runs out of gas while driving your Camry, but cheating with another guy is a deliberately contrived act. She planned to be with
him behind you back. There is deception here too.

A woman who acts like her deserves to be punished harshly, and a man needs to deliver this punishment with a cold and uncompromising decision. Cut her out of your life like a tumor.

Lastly, you may feel like crap right now, but you acted in an honorable and decent manner. You should be 'disgusted' with her, not yourself - she acted badly not you, and SHE is responsible for her behavior, not you.

Good job, soldier.

 

[Nutz]

Couple of things. First, in a post back in March or so you said you had been dating this girl only 4 months, and now you say its been 2 years? By my calc., thats barely even a year .

Secondly, in prior posts she has tried going to a prom with some other guy taking her, NOT YOU, and in another, you caught her hanging around/talking to another guy. So why is this a shock? Really, you only have yourself to blame for allowing yourself to be disrespected for so many months instead of dumping her long ago. She knew she could get away with this, and so she did it. And YOU STILL kinda want her back! Dude, this isnt her issue (cheating) this is YOUR issue for letting yourself be a doormat.

Grow some ballz man and end this for good like you should have last spring over the prom incident.

Wow, yeah, good catch. Writing was on the wall better part of a year ago. He's had issues with this piece of trash since the very beginning:

Flaking after a month:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155564

Prom incident:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158634

Caught his slut cheating, but convinced himself otherwise:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=163235


On the upside, he handled the dumping like a champ. Granted it should have happened months ago, or perhaps not even entered into a relationship with her to begin with. Perhaps if he'd handled the flaking in January properly all this could have been avoided, although experience tells me women like her just won't learn. She'll get knocked up by some bad-boy, will seek out a beta to help raise it, will cheat on him a few times possibly committing Paternity Fraud in the process, and will eventually end up out on her ass as a typical 40 something harpy wondering why there are no good men left.

 

[backbreaker]

She cried because women do that to manipulate men into softening.

She was "sorry" because her cheating behavior was unsuccessful and she was caught out.

"I love you dearly .." is another desperate manipulation . Love is not some gooey overwhelming feeling. "Loving " a person carries with it an obligation to value and revere that person and behave in ways that reflect that love.
She did not do that - she failed the "love" test because she was seeking some emotional benefits from another man while living with you. Cheating starts when one person turns outside the primary relationship for romance or sex from a third person. It starts long before the zippers come down.
Love is about how you conduct yourself , ergo 'loving' someone automatically excludes cheating..

Her actions were not a mistake. A "mistake "is when a woman burns the toast or even runs out of gas while driving your Camry, but cheating with another guy is a deliberately contrived act. She planned to be with
him behind you back. There is deception here too.

A woman who acts like her deserves to be punished harshly, and a man needs to deliver this punishment with a cold and uncompromising decision. Cut her out of your life like a tumor.

Lastly, you may feel like crap right now, but you acted in an honorable and decent manner. You should be 'disgusted' with her, not yourself - she acted badly not you, and SHE is responsible for her behavior, not you.

Good job, soldier.

very solid post.

I want to add to this.. this right here, is exactly how you build self condifence, character, that everyone here seems to be looking for.

you hold yourself and other people to uncompreming standards.

you don't let a cheating ***** back in your life. you act like you are better than that, and in due time you will believe you ARE better than that.

you think talking to her will make you feel better but its' actually counterproductive. you will feel like **** becuase you know the only reason you are talking to her is beucase you have no other options.

 

[Ease]

brilliant, this should be titled as a success story.

A sad story but it happens to the best, you handled it in such a way that makes everyone on this forum proud and be able to take inspiration from!

good luck man, u dealt with it like a true alpha, feel proud.

 

[Ease]

Read his posts from earlier this year about the girl. The OP deserves no props, none whatsoever.

rubbish comment, no place for it here imo.

**** happens and we learn from it.