Cat and mouse

[becker]

I'm sure that many of you have probably experienced the phone tag game with a girl.

Here's what's happening now. I was supposed to go out with this girl last week, but I was out of town for the week. I tried to contact her, left her a lot of messages, but she didn't respond. Got a text message from her saying that it was that time of the month and she didn't want to talk to anyone, but she'd call when it all passed. She called the next day, but I didn't get the call and she left a message telling me to call her back.

I called her back, and she hasn't returned the call. Haven't heard from her since Friday, which was when she left the message.

I'm getting mixed signals from this girl. She seems very up to doing stuff with me, that's for sure, but at the same time, I'm thinking that it's a bit too much effort to get her to call me. I don't want it to get too complicated. She seems flaky, but I doubt it's because it's a lack of interest, because I'm not making any real moves on her outside of just general flirty and teasing. She also initiated contact with me before, and she's a bit shy by nature.

Anyone experience this?

 

[skinnydart]

I have had sort of the same problem. I never seem to get a hold of her, even on her cell. I call, leave a message, she calls back when I'm in class and it seems like I can never get a hold of her. I thinks it just because were both really busy (we both have classes and work).

Just put the burden on her. Say something like "ok, well just give me a call if you'd like to go out one evening." and after that don't bother her again unless she calls. If she doesn't, she's not interested.

 

[becker]

Just spoke to her online, and she told me about all this stuff she did on friday and yesterday, and then she told me that her phone died. Then she told me that she had to run, but apparently she'll call me soon.

Is this some sort of shyt test? I'm not going to call her, but have you guys dealt with this before? What did you do? I don't want things to get weird with this girl. I enjoy hanging with her, but I think I effectively got myself in a position where it seems like I'm playing games because I contacted her so little before. This is what I hate.

 

[skinnydart]

It could be a test or low interest level. Either way, she said she would call so dont' bother her again unless she does. If she doesn't, ditch her and find someone else.

 

[flexion_]

If she is really interested she would get right back to you. She isn't so I'd take that as a low interest situation in which case I'd just bump her down the list and focus on woman who have time for me.

If its difficult now to get a hold of her its not going to get any easier with time.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by flexion_
If she is really interested she would get right back to you. She isn't so I'd take that as a low interest situation in which case I'd just bump her down the list and focus on woman who have time for me.

If its difficult now to get a hold of her its not going to get any easier with time.

Good point, I agree with ya. However, she did say on Thursday that she'd call as soon as her PMS went away, and she called the next day, so I can't say that she's not at least interested in doing stuff. There's also no reason why she wouldn't, because she was totally up for it. She is genuinely a busy girl, and the downside of all these types of women are that they always have something to do, so they are never without plans.

I will give her a chance to call, and if she doesn't, we'll know. I think that I'll have to definitely play it pretty cool with her though, because she's always called me back. Before we even met though, she was already telling me how there's always something going on, so she's a busy gal, and I have to keep that in mind and not act too hasty. At the same time, I'm getting girls on the side of course.

 

[DJ_Dork]

It could be anything from too busy or low interest.

This always works for me but here's a different variety, it's not an ultimatum - it's just to test her reaction for only this ONE time through voicemail (if you only get her, trust me.. you'll get her VM):

"Hey _____ I've been trying to reach you and I want to hang out with you, but trying to reach is is just getting too ridiculous and makes me think you are pulling my strings, look if you don't want to hang out, I understand. Till then, cya"

Wait about 30min-90min. A girl that is interested in you or your feelings (at least) will call and then make concrete plans.

A girl that is not interested will shrug it off and be glad you're cutting it off.

 

[gm8384]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
"...if you don't want to hang out, I understand. Till then, cya"

I think this sounds like a good way to get your answer instead of draggin things out, but on the other hand it seems kind of AFC.

What do other people think about this?

 

[flexion_]

I think a phone message like that would say to her essentially - get in touch or I'm going to move on to other people. Kinda' sounds like an ultimatum to me doesn't it?

Thing is... you also have just told her that she is the only one on your plate.

If she isn't getting back to you in a timely fashion to you then just move on to other people (ie. you be the busy and hard to reach one) and she'll figure it out. If she is so busy with all these plans, she has to set up all these plans and its happening with someone... just not you.

 

[becker]

Ok, an update, the gal called me this morning and we had a nice talk. She is a really busy gal, and we actually talked it over and that was really the reason why she hasn't gotten back to me.

Anyways, I made it clear to her that if she didn't want to do anything, she didn't have to, but she totally wanted to, so she inked me into her planner for two days next week. She said she won't change those plans no matter what. I told her if she did, I'm just not going to call her anymore. All this was sort of done in a lighthearted tone, not some crazy overbearing tone, which would have most definitely been the worst approach.

That answered my questions though, so it was good. This is an awesome gal who I just love hanging out with, so I'm definitely glad she feels the same way.