Casual date, as opposed to a "date date".

[squirrels]

Been talking to a girl on-and-off. IL's been hot and cold, it seems. I got her number and tried to call her early last week but got her voicemail and couldn't get through. I pretty much wrote her off and went out to a bar (got some kino from 2 or 3 other girls, made it to first base with this '6' and prolly could've taken her home if it weren't for a dumbass drunken mistake)

Came home and saw a message from her saying she "accidentally" deleted my message before she saved my number and asking me to call her again tomorrow. It's been like 5 days since then and I haven't called. As hot as she is, I'm not going to supplicate to her to make up for her so-called mistakes. Besides, I've had shiat to do.

Now I want to try and get with this girl, but we're already kind of "acquainted" (not really well...been out with her and friends a few times). What I wanted to do was just call her and tell her to meet me at a bar or restaurant or something tomorrow night.

I know that breaks the "3 day" rule, but I don't feel like working something out later in the week...I just want to throw it out there and if she bites, great. If not, move on to better waters. I don't want to waste a lot of effort on ONE girl, especially when chances are good I might have already opened myself to LJBF before I started reading this site regularly.

Is this the wrong approach to take? Should I try to set up a "date date" for later in the week, or can a casual "hey let's grab a drink tomorrow night" work as well? Am I necessarily putting myself in the "friend zone?"

 

[thecraftylefty]

Hey squirrels,

Don't worry about breaking any "3 day rule" stuff. I think you have the right idea here though. If want you can take her on a "date date," but I don't feel that will give you an advantage in this situation. Like you said, take her out for a casual drink and see how things progress from there. I think that would be the best route to take. Let her get to know you and have a good time with it. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Just go out and focus on having a good time with a "friend" and see how it goes.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by thecraftylefty
Just go out and focus on having a good time with a "friend" and see how it goes.

I am trying to avoid the "friend" angle, unless it's a "friend with benefits."

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by squirrels

Came home and saw a message from her saying she "accidentally" deleted my message before she saved my number and asking me to call her again tomorrow.

If she deleted your number, how the hell did she call you?

It's been like 5 days since then and I haven't called. As hot as she is, I'm not going to supplicate to her to make up for her so-called mistakes. Besides, I've had shiat to do.

You're working too hard to be a challenge. Not returning phone calls is rude. If she calls and leaves a message, call her back the next day. If you wait too damn long, she'll conclude that you're not interested.

 

[squirrels]

Re: Re: Casual date, as opposed to a "date date".

Originally posted by Bungo Pony
If she deleted your number, how the hell did she call you?


You're working too hard to be a challenge. Not returning phone calls is rude. If she calls and leaves a message, call her back the next day. If you wait too damn long, she'll conclude that you're not interested.

She left me an AOL IM message, not a phone message, saying that she accidentally deleted my number and to "give me a call tomorrow and if I don't answer I'll call you back cuz I have to work".

I thought she was playing with me, or maybe testing me to see if she could get me to call on command. I decided not to buy into it. I HAVE been legitimately busy this past weekend...are you saying I should APOLOGIZE for not calling her?

 

[squirrels]

For clarity:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=26463

I'm a bit confused right now...I don't see how I could've called that next day without making it look like "she's got me."

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by squirrels

I'm a bit confused right now...I don't see how I could've called that next day without making it look like "she's got me."

The way guys make it look like "she's got them" is supplicating to her by kissing her ass - buying gifts, doing them favors, going out of their way to try and please the woman. All you're doing here is trying to set up a date.

I thought she was playing with me, or maybe testing me to see if she could get me to call on command.

It takes a bit of experience to recognize when a woman it trying to control, or is just interested. There is a fine line between the two, but when you can recognize the signs, it's clear as day.

If she asks you to go and get something for her when she could damn well do it herself, she's trying to control you. If she makes a suggestion such as an alternative to date plans, she's just being suggestive.

If her actions display nothing that will benefit you equally, she's most likely just using you. A date will benefit you as much as it will benefit her.

 

[Tryin to Grow a Chin]

Don't date. Just 'hang out' with girls until something happens.

 

[squirrels]

...

Well I called her...got a callback within 5 minutes (good). She was with her friend, who actually called for her cuz she was driving. The pitch was not as strong as it could've been. I asked her if she was working tomorrow night and I had a response ready for either yes (get some coffee/dinner afterward) or no (go get a drink), but she said she hadn't picked up her work schedule yet.

So I told her to call me if she's free...didn't know what else to do at that point to close...not like I can force her into a decision. You know what they say about best-laid plans (or best-planned lays ). If she doesn't call, I'll be up at the dragstrip with some friends, so it's not like I'm sitting here waiting for her to call.

The important thing, I suppose, is that I actually had the balls to talk to her. It can only get easier from here.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Hey squirrels,

That's why I put friends in quotes like this: "friends." I meant for it to be an ambiguous meaning but I guess you misunderstood what I was trying to say. It's cool though, I think you're doing quite well with the situation. Her calling you back within five minutes is always a good sign. You're playing it good. Just wait until you find out what her schedule is and take it from there.

Tryin to Grow a Chin is also right though, which is what I originally meant. Don't make it seem like a date, rather make it seem like you're just "hanging out" instead.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty