case of oneitis....

[Big B]

I felt like my game was all around improving then I met a girl that I was really interested in and developed a case of oneitis. Now she said that she needs some space because she is not ready after being with the same guy for 10 years and was married to. I understand not wanting to go from a serious relationship to another right away. I am just pissed at myself for letting myself get to this point. Time to get back to the drawing board and try to stay focused.

 

[jophil28]

You might not want to be so hard on yourself. You are not responsible for her feelings. She may just want some breathing space - but it is more likely that she may not have high IL and is just finding a way of slowly backing out.
Give her what she wants and DO NOT call her. Cut her off. YOu might feel the urge to contact her to "just chat" but any contact which is initiated by you will push her further away. Go find another chica to have some fun with and leave your "Oneitis" to the consequences of her own wishes.

Oh, and post your age in your profile or Poppa Rollo will put you in Time Out.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

wow, I had almost the exact same thing happen to me. The girl I was talking to gave the exact same reason for breaking things off. And I played it really cool in an effort to appear high value in case she came around later. Except, she kept in contact over email, texts, and chat. This is very frustrating because I had to make sure I didn't flirt or complement her in any way to keep her "comfortable" with talking to me. I was even planning on making up some excuse to visit her long distance. Unfortunately I slipped today when she told me about a dish she made, I said "that's what I'll have the next time you cook for me". No reply now, and I think it's done. I suppose it's better that way... if she can't even handle small comments like that, what's the point?

 

[jophil28]

Unfortunately I slipped today when she told me about a dish she made, I said "that's what I'll have the next time you cook for me". No reply now, and I think it's done. I suppose it's better that way... if she can't even handle small comments like that, what's the point?

She was keeping you "warm" in case her plan to go out and meet other guys did not work out. You played into her game by continuing to talk via email, texts.
If a woman says " LJBFs" or "I need space" cut her out of your life in one quick nanosecond.. She is telling you (in womanspeek) that it is over, but she wants you to stay around and fawn over her like a hungry puppy just in case her next AFC does not pan out. You are now her back up guy.

Next time this happens with that food thing, tell her to email you the recipe so that you can cook it up with your new girlfriend next weekend.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Thanks jophil28. I think I finally needed to hear that. I was avoiding the issue thinking that she simply is not in the right place in her head to be serious right now, she needs some time as she is saying. But what you said makes a hell lot more sense. Unless girls are VERY different from us, I don't understand why she would deny herself the chance to get to know a cool guy (me) even if she is a bit heartbroken from the past. If anything, you'd think a person would want to move on sooner rather than later. What you said makes the most sense, which is that what she said was complete BS and she just made me a backup guy. She even came up to my location on a weekend recently, and told me she was coming. But then she failed to call me, and I had to find out from my friends that they randomly saw her at the same club they were at. That was obviously a punch to the gut, but I told myself "she's still not in the right place, and maybe it's too much to see me b/c she's still attracted to me." Now I realize how delusional I sound...

 

[Jitterbug]

I understand not wanting to go from a serious relationship to another right away.

I know plenty of women who hop from one to another right away. In fact, they were already half on the new one before the old one ended.

What she said to you, according to the Translator-For-Blokes, means: "I'm not looking / ready for a relationship with you".

Last time a woman in the same situation told me that, I saw her go out with another guy just the day after, and soon they were "in a relationship".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I felt like my game was all around improving then I met a girl that I was really interested in and developed a case of oneitis. Now she said that she needs some space because she is not ready after being with the same guy for 10 years and was married to.

Jeez! 10 years? How old is she?

 

[Big B]

She is 30 yes old. They were together since the highschool and college days. She text me the next day and asked if I was ok and if I understood. I replied I am fine why? And yes I understand what you are saying. Well she got ahold of me again today and asked me what I had planned for the weekend and my plan worked out great. I didn't do the AFC thing and chase her around trying to work it out. I told her that I had a couple of dinner dates and heading out after both of them on Friday and Saturday night. She seamed jealous that I moved on so quickly. Well if you want space that is fine but no matter what you think I am not going to sit and dwell on it. And the great thing for me is if she would want to try again that's great, if not things will still be great for me too. I am still learning about being a DJ but glad I got out of the AFC action that I fell back into for that short time. Thanks for everyones stories and advice.