Casanova Returns... How to Find & Dump a Girl in About a Month

[Giovanni Casanova]

This is my first post in a while, as the result of some technical difficulties. But I'm back now, and ready to share the events of the past two months.

I hate meeting chicks on the Internet. I think that goes back to the fact that several years ago, I had been talking to this girl, and I agreed to meet her in real life. She turned out to be an ugly hunchback -- kickin' it Quasimodo style -- and she was a horrible, horrible b*tch. I said "never again".

But I guess I shouldn't say "never", because I met this girl, Katey, on the Internet (not on an Internet dating site, though), and found out she lives about 35 miles away. Talked to her for a while, she's a year older than me, college graduate, seemed like she had her sh*t together. She agreed to come meet me.

First date went fine. Kiss at the end of the night. She emails me that night, wants to go out again. I agree, and she comes down again a week or so later. Over the next few weeks, she meets my friends and at one point she even meets my parents and my sister. Pretty soon she's staying over on the weekends.

But there's a problem. Something about her bothers me. I can't even quite put it into words. She's pretty smart. She's moderately attractive -- maybe a 7ish. She seems nice and everything, but I'm just not feeling it.

Then, one of my friends asks us if we're "boyfriend/girlfriend". I refuse to answer. Later that night, Katey asks me the same question, and I say that isn't what I want right now. She asks me if we're exclusive. I say no. It's like this:

ME: Well, there's one thing I want to make clear.
KATEY: What's that?
ME: I don't want anything serious right now.
KATEY: But are we boyfriend and girlfriend?
ME: No.
KATEY: But are we exclusive?
ME: No.
KATEY: But do you pledge your undying love and devotion to me for all time, forsaking all others?
ME: No.
KATEY: But --
ME: NO!!! Holy f*ck, am I not making myself completely clear?
KATEY: I'm sorry. I don't want my boyfriend to be mad.
ME: (head explodes)

But she still decides to stick around, which is fine, for a little while. But eventually I realize that I'm just wasting her time and she's wasting mine. I don't really want to be with her. The final straw came one Saturday night when we went for the Texas Hold'Em game that I play every weekend. I tell her that I've got stuff going on Sunday and that she probably shouldn't stay over. She says that she can probably go home if we aren't out too late.

During the game, I watch the clock. It starts getting close to midnight, so I excuse us so that she'll have plenty of time to get home. But when we arrive back at my place, she says that she's too tired to drive. I'm irritated.

Then she walks over to my sliding door, which I left open because it's been so nice outside here in Michigan lately. She starts to close it.

ME: What are you doing?
HER: I'm closing the door.
ME: Why?
HER: Because it might rain.
ME: So?
HER: It might rain in.
ME: No it won't. There's a balcony and a roof above it. No rain ever gets this far in.
HER: The wind might blow it.
ME: I just said the goddamn rain never gets that far in. The wind would have to be blowing strong and coming in directly from the north, which never happens.
HER (continuing to close the door): It might get cold.
ME: I don't care, it's nice.
HER: (closes and locks the door and walks away)

So I'm pissed at this point. I go over and open the door back up.

ME: You can go ahead and go to sleep. I'm not tired, so I'll stay up and maybe mess around on the computer or something.
HER: We could watch a movie.
ME: You said you were tired.
HER: I could probably watch a movie.
ME: Then you could probably drive home.

About a week later I sent her an email saying that I wasn't interested and that it wasn't going to work out between us. My friends all thought I was an assh*le for "breaking up" with her through email. My response:

- We weren't "boyfriend/girlfriend", nor were we "exclusive", so how can I "break up" with her in the first place?

- I don't want her to come all the way to my place just so that I can tell her it isn't going to work out. Then I might have a difficult time getting rid of her through all the, "But WHY!?" whining.

- I'll be damned if I'm going to drive all the way up to her place just to tell her something that a simple email will accomplish.

Thoughts/comments/feedback, anyone?

 

[Don Ronny]

Good riddance to psycho b!tches!

This girl was not only trying to reel you in, but she had absolutely no respect for your wishes. In fact I would call her "highly delusional"

Not for nothin dude, but I have done the online thing and most of the girls I found were kinda screwed in the head, self-esteem issues, etc.

IMO, the game is best played in the real world! Perhaps you should take a break from modding/computer crap and take on some real life activities where you can meet more sane women.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Don Ronny
IMO, the game is best played in the real world! Perhaps you should take a break from modding/computer crap and take on some real life activities where you can meet more sane women.

I agree with the real world thing and the fact of the matter is that I haven't been spending a lot of time online. This chick was just a fluke -- most people I meet through friends and school.

Oh, and as a postscript, this chick was pissed off at me for "breaking up" with her through email. She thought I should have at least had the "decency" to do it in person.

Can someone please explain to me how you can "break up" with a person you're not even "exclusive" with? Holy sh*t, if this girl's theory is correct, then I should be able to go up to any girl off the street and do this:

ME: Hi, we're engaged now.
HER: Do I know you?
ME: Ha ha! Of course you do! I'm your fiance, Giovanni!
HER: Get away from me! I have mace and I'll yell!
ME: What are you saying? Are we having relationship problems?
HER: F*ck off, loser!
ME: So it's just over? Just like that? After all the time we've spent together, you're just dumping me?

 

[Don Ronny]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
Can someone please explain to me how you can "break up" with a person you're not even "exclusive" with? Holy sh*t, if this girl's theory is correct, then I should be able to go up to any girl off the street and do this:

ME: Hi, we're engaged now.
HER: Do I know you?
ME: Ha ha! Of course you do! I'm your fiance, Giovanni!
HER: Get away from me! I have mace and I'll yell!
ME: What are you saying? Are we having relationship problems?
HER: F*ck off, loser!
ME: So it's just over? Just like that? After all the time we've spent together, you're just dumping me?

LMAO!

Actually the way I see it, she is ignoring your denial of the relationship in favor of the dynamic you two have.

Think about it...

If she is spending the night at your house on a consistent basis, has met all your friends and your parents, then in her mind, you two are an item, no matter how much you verbally refuse this! If you really just wanted to keep her as a side order slvt, then you shoulda never invited her into your inner sanctum, at least not on a consistent basis.

ANother way to avoid misunderstandings like this is to actively game other women and let her know about it!

Actions speak louder my friend...

 

[prosemont]

ha ha ha. Dude, you crack me up. Maybe I'll elaborate later.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

See, I agree with that. But...

(1) My original intention wasn't for her to be a "side-order sl#t." I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship or not. I just knew that I didn't want that right away.

(2) She met my friends because she came up on the weekends and that's usually when I hang out with them. I'm not going to stop doing the poker night, for example, just because she's around.

(3) She met my parents kind of just by chance. She happened to be around and I needed to run something over to my mom, so she met them. It wasn't a big production or anything... just, hey, this is my mom and dad. This is Katey. All right, gotta go.

(4) She was staying over at my place because so she wouldn't have to drive home super late at night when she was tired, supposedly.

I don't know.... I mean, it wasn't some kind of booty-call situation. I was just trying to figure out if I wanted to pursue things with her. But until then, I didn't want anything "serious." I made that abundantly clear verbally. If she thought that any of the other stuff counteracted my statements about things not being serious, then she's just delusional.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by prosemont
ha ha ha. Dude, you crack me up. Maybe I'll elaborate later.

I always enjoy making you crack up. I have a feeling I know what you're gonna say.

There's another girl, too, that I might end up going out with this weekend, but in a way I just want to lay off the women for a while. They've been more trouble than they're worth for the last six months or better.

 

[JohnJones]

This thread is pretty funny, but I just looked at the "nonexclusivity" provision that you negotiated into your letter of intent with her: you said very clearly that you weren't her b/f, you weren't exlusive, etc.

That said, she wanted you, you said no thanks, she is mad or hurt or otherwise, so all she's going to do is find procedural flaws with how you "broke up with her."

 

[AMF]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova


ME: What are you doing?
HER: I'm closing the door.
ME: Why?
HER: Because it might rain.
ME: So?
HER: It might rain in.
ME: No it won't. There's a balcony and a roof above it. No rain ever gets this far in.
HER: The wind might blow it.
ME: I just said the goddamn rain never gets that far in. The wind would have to be blowing strong and coming in directly from the north, which never happens.
HER (continuing to close the door): It might get cold.
ME: I don't care, it's nice.
HER: (closes and locks the door and walks away)

Now THATS funny.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Re: Re: Casanova Returns... How to Find & Dump a Girl in About a Month

Originally posted by AMF
Now THATS funny.

Yeah, strangely enough, I wasn't laughing at the time.

It's such a little, unimportant thing. But to me, that said everything, right there. It's like, "B*tch, it's my door, and it stays f*ckin' closed."

If she couldn't even handle something simple like that, then I know it wouldn't get any better.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by JohnJones
This thread is pretty funny, but I just looked at the "nonexclusivity" provision that you negotiated into your letter of intent with her: you said very clearly that you weren't her b/f, you weren't exlusive, etc.

That said, she wanted you, you said no thanks, she is mad or hurt or otherwise, so all she's going to do is find procedural flaws with how you "broke up with her."

See, but where I messed up was that in Article III, Paragraph 7, Section (e)(2), it says, "This contract is considered 'at-will' and may be terminated at any time by either party for any reason whatsoever." But I forgot to add the part that says, "So if he breaks up with you through email, you can't write back a pissy email whining about how he didn't tell you face-to-face, so back off."

 

[Ice Cold]

IMO you could've dumped her a bit more nicely.

And I don't mean the email, I mean the whole door and exclusivity thing...

She wasn't intresting enough. You dumped her. Did it leave a bit of negative feelings?

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
IMO you could've dumped her a bit more nicely.

And I don't mean the email, I mean the whole door and exclusivity thing...

She wasn't intresting enough. You dumped her. Did it leave a bit of negative feelings?

Okay, with the door thing: I was firm, not mean. You don't come into my house and tell me how things are going to be. That's one of the few things that really irritates me. It's the same thing if someone gets in my car and tells me what radio station I can listen to.

As far as the exclusivity thing goes, I tried to be really, really nice at first. I just said that I didn't want anything serious right now. Then she asks if I want to be "boyfriend/girlfriend". So I get a little irked because I feel like I just said I didn't. I thought that would be clear. But I very nicely said, "no". THEN she asked if I wanted to be exclusive and we would only date each other and nobody else. And to me, that's like the third f*cking time I've answered the same question. So yeah, I'm not going to be as nice anymore.

 

[Oxide]

This is my first post in a while, as the result of some technical difficulties

Oh no, the wee wee broke again? You know i had to



I understand what you are saying, you arent being an ass to her, you arent being a stupid "alpha male".. you are just being yourself.. and this chick keeps on pushing HER wishes...when you obviously show it isnt what you like. May be she is acting like she has no voice in her made up "relationship"? that is why she tried to challange your "power"... or may be the hoe is just wack

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Oxide
Oh no, the wee wee broke again? You know i had to

I actually just figured it out. Allen changed servers earlier this month because of speed issues, but I had the old address bookmarked. My bookmark wasn't working.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Gio Casanova wrote:

Over the next few weeks, she meets my friends and at one point she even meets my parents and my sister.

Bingo! That's where you went wrong bro. The rest was well played IMO. Of course she will think you're exclusive if she meets all the important people in your life regardless of what you say to her or the circumstances.

And next time, if a chick is not your girlfriend, then you can simply act aloof and blow her off instead of having to dump her. Just string it along and she'll get the hint. Only an exlusive GF should get the luxury ...hahah ...of getting booted in person.

Good to see you back in the field.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[GirlCrazy]

Can someone please explain to me how you can "break up" with a person you're not even "exclusive" with?

Women get oneitus too! She had herself convinced you were a couple. Heh she probably had the wedding dress picked out.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova



But there's a problem. Something about her bothers me. I can't even quite put it into words. She's pretty smart. She's moderately attractive -- maybe a 7ish. She seems nice and everything, but I'm just not feeling it.

Reminds me of that hilarious line in Dumb and Dumber (the original one with Jim Carrey).

Lloyd: When I met Mary, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling.

Right after you boned this one..that old fashioned romantic feeling left you via your penis bro...

I think that stuff happens to all guys..meet a great chick (good job, attractive, down to eath), DJ her, now bedding her becomes the challenge, finally bed her...then, the not so obvious things we never noticed before start to REALLY irritate us. You lose interest and ultimately lose patience.

In all fairness to you, she DID seem on the overly possessive side. Seems like she was looking for hubby material (guessing b/c you stated she was older than you).

Curious to know what kind of website you guys met on, since you said it wasnt a "find a mate" type website.

I've known people to hook up and find cool people on mypace.com and friendster.com.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
Bingo! That's where you went wrong bro. The rest was well played IMO. Of course she will think you're exclusive if she meets all the important people in your life regardless of what you say to her or the circumstances.

Well, I can't be responsible for the assumptions that other people make, I guess. It wasn't like I was saying, "I really want you to meet my mom" or anything. She didn't meet ALL the important people in my life, but she did meet some of them. Ironically, if it was something more than just some casual thing, I would've taken great pains to make sure that she didn't meet anyone until I wanted her to. But because I didn't really care that much, I didn't play any games whatsoever. Which is interesting, when you think about it.

And next time, if a chick is not your girlfriend, then you can simply act aloof and blow her off instead of having to dump her. Just string it along and she'll get the hint.

See, and I was trying to be nice by NOT doing that. I was trying to just be upfront and honest with the chick and not screw around. Go figure.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Gio wrote:

See, and I was trying to be nice by NOT doing that. I was trying to just be upfront and honest with the chick and not screw around.

I can appreciate that. However, you actually *did* want to screw around with her (i.e. just have a casual FB relationship) and the only problems were that (a) you got bored of her and (b) she got too attached.

(a) is not a big deal since you'd get interested in her periodically as your degree of horniness fluctuates. Today you're bored of her, tomorrow you could be really into sleeping with her. So the real problem is (b).

(b) is tricky and I can understand why this conflicts with your desire to have a casual relationship with her because you're not in the business of hurting people. By dumping her you basically do the right thing by being honest and not stringing her along; but it gives the *relationship* too much weight. And gives her these rights and feelings of self importance you "should have done this by email or should have been nicer and done this in person". So it actually does hurt her more...

Since she was not your Gf your only real concern should be with the (a) variable in this equation...i.e. YOU.

Today you're bored of her so you don't see her, but don't burn the bridges for tomorrow! By acting aloof and flaking when you're bored of her you send her the message that she's not that important in your life and she should adjust her feelings towards you (or move on). However, you also end up keeping the door open for her to come back in your life on your terms. So it really is a win win situation.

What I'd do now if I were you is give her a call or shoot an email saying "hey babe, just thought I'd say hi and let you know that I forgive you for that whole incident last time"...and throw in a few *winks* in the email.

I bet you she'll reply with some flirtatious stuff and some faux indignation as to why you'd be forgiving her. And you should just play with this whole thing. Keep many chicks like this in your orbit, no need to dump them until you recruit a serious LTR chick.