Car wreck early into relationship

[The Globe]

Hi folks,

I'm no PUA. I have enough charm/chat/wealth/looks to do well enough with women but I'm no expert. I'd appreciate your opinions.

Anyway I found myself in a relationship with a latina (friend of a friend). She came onto me, we got on well, we ended up in bed together. After that we coupled up. We'd see each other about twice a week, all was well in paradise for about 4 weeks. The one red flag was that she wouldn't introduce me to friends as her boyfriend - not yet she said.

At about the 4 week mark we were in bed and I was warming her up when she said she wanted to get to know me better before having sex. Given that we'd had sex before that, this was something of a shock but under the circumstances I let it pass figuring she wasn't in the mood. Bad mistake I assume.

After that things slowly seemed to regress. She was still texting and e-mailing all the time but she stopped greeting me with a kiss, she stopped holding hands, eventually we stopped touching. This is at about 6 weeks.

Now we seem not to be together at all (apart from text and e-mail) although she hasn't actually stated it. My response to this is just to move on and forget her. I'm no player, but I'm no mug either. I'd just like any opinions about what people think went wrong.

Thanks in advance.

 

[jophil28]

What goes up must come down with these women.

You are involved with a woman who uses sex to "hook" a man in a game that could be called," Now that i have you, I don't want you."
To women like this, the pvssy game is the point of being a woman. She is testing the POWER of her vagina. When she gets to the stage where she is certain that her vag has hooked a man, she loses interest - game over.
SHe has all the power now and she knows it - and she will mindgame you mercilessly with a minimum ration of sex to keep this game going until she tires of it, or finds another guy to play with.

Get out now while you still have most of your self respect intact.

Some women like this frequently play an extended version of this game in which they provoke fights and breakups and then chase the guy a week or two later to "talk" about getting back together. He (naively) believes that she means it and agrees. She fukks him in a frenzy of makeup sex but slowly retreats again and eventually turns cold again and provokes another fight. This cycle repeats for several months while she extracts more power over the guy and basks in her 'victory' as she gloats to herself and her girls about, "this guy who just won't leave me alone."

BTW, these tactics are frequently seen in BPD or HPD women.

YOu want some advice? Get out now before you are totally used and discarded. That is how this will end if you continue.

 

[Splendidostring]

At about the 4 week mark we were in bed and I was warming her up when she said she wanted to get to know me better before having sex. Given that we'd had sex before that, this was something of a shock but under the circumstances I let it pass figuring she wasn't in the mood. Bad mistake I assume.

GET THE F U C K out of there. Sorry about being that crude but going away is the only thing you can do. There's NOTHING you can say or do to bring this on the right tracks (as us males wish when we like a girl and hope to build something right)

I agree with jophil28

Happened to me with my ex gf. I had sex with her and about a week later (next time I saw her) she tells me she wants to wait (forgot what ****ty reason she told me that for). I tell her it doesn't make sense to me since we already made out! She said something that didn't make sense and I felt that whatever I said wouldn't make her change her mind.

So, getting off is the only thing you can do. Also, cut contact with her ...no point in keeping her as a "friend", you'd only lose time and hurt yourself.

Man, these girls are horrible

 

[Not_A_Pimp]

The first few times you bang a woman, the first week or so after things heat up. BACK OFF. At least a little. Stand your ground. If she knows she has you then its OVER. This is true with every woman in the world. Four weeks is WAY TOO SOON to be introducing you as her boyfriend and way too soon for you to be introducing her as your girlfriend. Try more like four months minimum. Dont ever discuss relationships with a woman you just started banging unless it is to let her know that you are not interested in anything at the moment.

 

[The Globe]

Some women like this frequently play an extended version of this game in which they provoke fights and breakups and then chase the guy a week or two later to "talk" about getting back together. He (naively) believes that she means it and agrees. She fukks him in a frenzy of makeup sex but slowly retreats again and eventually turns cold again and provokes another fight. This cycle repeats for several months while she extracts more power over the guy and basks in her 'victory' as she gloats to herself and her girls about, "this guy who just won't leave me alone."

Thanks all for taking the time. The above doesn't sound so bad. Mentally I've already canned her, so a session or two of revenge sex sounds good to me.

I was just interested in a general sense of where I went wrong but I think it was just one of those things (I never mentioned relationships to her!)

 

[Miles28]

Wow The Globe

Your situation seems so similar to mine, even that the girl is Latina. The two details (not introducing you to her friends as her boyfriend and giving then withholding sex are two things I have both experienced in this 'relationship').

At first this girl was extremely keen. She also managed to convince me that she really liked nice guys who express their emotions and hates players. So like a fool I put aside everything that I learned about women and was totally honest and upfront, breaking all the rules (there's no point in identifying which ones, I basically broke every single one). "At last", I thought, "Here is a woman who isn't like the rest, someone that I can just relax and be at ease with and not have to worry about being aloof or remaining interesting.

Well I was as good a guy as possible to this girl. Just some of the things I have done are the following:

1. Spending money on taking her to lots of nice places and treating her with utmost respect and honesty at all times.

2. Supporting her emotionally through a difficult time with her family (as well as spending hours offering advice and even offering to help financially - actually I loaned her quite a large sum of money).

3. Listening every day to her problems for hours on the phone even though it was the most boring thing imaginable.

4. Always being there for her whenever she wanted to do something while having to accept that she would only meet me when she was not busy.

5. Listening her to talk for hours and hours about previous boyfriends, including one who apparently treated her extremely badly but who she still had lots of s*x with.

6.

That's just a few. And these are some of the things I have had to tolerate from her:

1. Criticising me first for only wanting to do stuff on the weekends and then when I started asking her to do stuff more often for pestering her.

2. Extremely rude behaviour including holding prolonged conversations on mobile phone while we were on dates.

3. Constant whining about her various problems, most of which would have been fine if she wasn't such a disorganised flake.

4. Bizarre criticisms of me that she thought I didn't seem like the sort of person that would be serious and would mess around with other girls, with absolutely no basis whatsoever.

5. Being treated like a yo yo - basically one minute her telling me that she loves me and never wants to let me go and then the next saying that she's not sure if she'll be able to make time to see me in the future.

6. The most unbelievably dull monologues ever, sometimes lasting hours basically telling me every little detail that happened in her day.

7. Utter ingratitude for all of the various good things that I tried to do for her followed by an attack, when I eventually pointed out that I had been a good guy and didn't deserve to be treated in such a shabby way, saying that I was a bad person because no-one good would point out the good things he had done (really I was just trying to defend myself at this point.

8. Giving then withholding sex and coming up with (as in the Globe's experience) totally nonsensical reasons like 'I just want to slow things down). Then when I pointed out that part of being in a non-platonic relationship was that there would be physical intimacy, telling me that I was unreasonable and only interested in sex. That's actually not the case, it's just that I think if you're romantically involved with someone then, especially in the early phase of the relationship sex is important.

There's a lot more. Basically I put up with demented behaviour from this girl because she was physically very much my type. Now I realise what a moron I have been and can't believe that I was so utterly stupid. So finally, following many occasions when she would criticise me and then I would pander to her to make sure that things were made up (and in which she would give nothing), I refused to do that and guess what, she walked. Even now (please somebody smack me) I'm thinking 'Did I do the right thing?', 'Could this have worked out?', etc. Anyway this girl is a total pain in the a** and actually quite a twisted piece of work. No matter what I'd done I couldn't have made her act like a decent and reasonably person, but I could have avoided being hurt and made a fool of.

M

 

[jophil28]

No matter what I'd done I couldn't have made her act like a decent and reasonably person, but I could have avoided being hurt and made a fool of.

M

Yes, no amount of so-called DJ behavior can transform a nutjob like yours into a decent woman.
Secondly, you did not have the knowledge and the wisdom to know how to deal with this shrew.
There is only one effective counter move - just walk away.