Can't torture myself any longer...

[NoNickname]

I’ve been torturing myself for years now, and I have to stop.

I've never had a girlfriend. Having said that, I've never approached a girl I've had a crush on either, and told her that I liked her, so I guess I can’t complain. The reason why I’ve never told a girl this is because I've always thought "no, she could never be into me" and so on every time. Now, when I was like 11, I was in love with this girl, and I did “tell” her. But it wasn’t face to face. My class was sleeping over in some house, and it was in the middle of the night. We were lying on the floor talking in a circle. Then, one of the boys says “hands up, everyone who’s in love with her” (the girl I was in love with), and almost everyone, including me, takes their hands up. I was so damn sure she was in love with me too, so I have a smile around my face as she’s about to tell the class who she’s “in love with”. But that smile disappeared quickly as she said the name of one of my mates, in stead of my name.

I also made a girl understand I was interested in her a little later, by making one of my friends call her, and ask if she wanted to get together with me (that’s how everybody did it at that time, hehe), but she only hang up. So, I have “told” a girl that I’ve liked her, but as I said, never face to face. Anyway, these two episodes appeared to be a little too traumatic for me, so every time I’ve had a crush on a girl, I haven’t dared to tell her, because I felt there was no point of doing it. This has kept going for five years now, taking me to second grade of high-school, not having had a single girlfriend yet. I am f***ing tired of it.

I spoke to my parents and brothers about popularity in general when I went to junior high, and they told me that all nice people would be much more popular in high-school if they kept being nice, and most bad-boys would be unpopular. So, I started believing I would have a much better time in high-school. Because I was a nice guy, who nobody disliked (as far as I know) and everyone could talk to. I was looking forward to it.

Then I started high-school, one year went by, and the summer suddenly arrived again. But I still hadn’t got a girlfriend. Then, in the summer, I realized it. I can’t just wait for the girls I like to say they're into me, I have to approach them myself, and tell them I’m interested in them. I wasn’t in love with anyone at that time, so there was no one to tell.

Now, however, I’m in love again. But this is something different, because this girl has given me many indications that she might be interested in me, like no girl has ever given me before.
She has this flirtatious behaviour whenever she’s with me (I should also say I’ve also seen her flirtatious speaking to other people). Like when we were put in pairs by the teacher to evaluate each others’ short stories. I was reading her story, and she was reading mine. I confronted her with some of her spelling errors, which I was suppose to do, and she was laughing embarrassingly, but also flirtatious. She thought my short story was really funny, and had nothing to correct, and then we were finished. We had some time left, so we started playing a game on the internet which she showed me. While playing it, she was laughing flirtatiously all the time, even though nothing funny really happened. A few hours later, we had our gymnastics class, dancing polka. Then, the gym teacher said we have to make dancing pairs - one boy and one girl, and suddenly, she stood beside me, and asked if I wanted to dance with her.

These are probably the two clearest indications she has given me. I have never experienced that a girl I’ve been in love with has acted this way around me before, so I’m wondering if she might be into me…

There is one problem, though. A few weeks ago, I overheard a conversation where one of my best friends was being told from another guy that a girl was interested in him. And of course, this was the girl I was in love with. But I am just going to try and forget about that, and let her know I’m interested in her anyway. They have never talked to each other, though, so that's not a problem... yet...

So, the last weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I should tell her, and I figured out the best way to do it is when we’re going away on a class trip in January. I’m just going to take her somewhere where we’ll be alone, tell her I have feelings for her, that I haven’t been able to think about anything else lately, and that I’m just letting her know - seemingly without expectations of her being interested back. I felt this was a good way to tell her, but then I started doubting, because it might seem too defensive. And when I was reading in the DJ Bible, where it said something like “you have to make move on her, do not use words to tell her”, I understood I had to tell her another way.
What first popped into my mind was that I’m just going to lay it all out there, and ask her straight out if she wants to do something with me, like going to the cinema or something. Just act impulsively and offensively towards her, and confident she’s positive about going out with me. That’s my strategy.

I just have to tell her, because I cannot continue this self-torture. Self-torture is what it is. So, I need some advices on how to ask her out. Is it a good way just to ask if she wants to go to the cinema with me? And if I decide to go with the cinema, what kind of movie should I pick? Or shouldn’t I pick the cinema?
How should I say it? Should I go “Hey, I’m interested in you, you wanna go out with me?” or should I be more like “Do you think there’s a chance we could do something together one day, so we can get to know each other better? Please say no, if you don’t want to”?
Or are there any other methods I could use?

I really need your help, and I’d be very thankful if some of you could give me some help, so I finally could succeed with a girl.

 

[Morphiex]

Since this guy lives in norway im gona write in Norwegian.....

ok så du bor i norge og some du selv sikkert skjønner så er det et helt annet battlefield her oppe når d gjelder damer og hookups.... så du går i vidregående, og for de fleste er dette tida man drikker og fester for det meste...Og de fleste blir sammen hvis de roter med hverandre på fester, ganske barnslig ,men det er slik det er her....

først og fremst gi noen signaler til henne at du er litt intresert i henne , trenger ikke å si det rett ut , og med å vise at du er intresert i henne mener jeg ikke at du skal gå etter henne og fortelle henne at hun er super fet og kul , og gjøre alt hu ber om og slikt...dette er en stooor NO NO.... men istedet ta litt mennesklig kontakt med henne , ta på henne noen ganger gi henne ett par klemmer i uka.men ikke for mye.... bare heng sammen med hu noen ganger i midtpausene .... og etter en stund spør henne om hu vil væra med på en kopp kaffe (eller milkshake hvis hun ikke liker kaffe =P ) , det vil synes at du er litt mer voksen og slikt.... jenter i den alderen liker d.....

bare heng sammen med hu og begynn å vis at du er intressert , fordi jo tidligere du gjør det jo bedre sjanse er det for at hun ikke har gått videre til en annen gutt , fordi jenter venter ikke for en gutt for en lang tid , mer som de venter rundt 2 3 mndr på at gutten skal gjøre et move, før de går videre til en ny gutt.....

og hvilken by bor du i , da kan jg si deg hva du burde gjøre som en date, ( kaffeèn er ikke en date er mer som å bli bedre kjent med hverandre møte).....

 

[immrtlwun]

What the hell did you just say?

 

[Morphiex]

Translation :

Since this guy lives in norway im gona write in Norwegian.....

oki så u live in Norway and as u know there is a hole other battlefield over here when it comes to women and hookups,and ur in highschool , and for the most of the people around your age , this is when they drink and have partys and go out n the town...and at that age, most people become couples after hooking up at partys, pretty childish but thats how it is here in norway....

first of all show here that u like her, u dont have to say it out loud , and by showing her that u like her i dont mean that ur gonna follow here and tell her how cool and wonderful she is, and do everything she wants and stuff like that , that is a huuuuge NO NO.... but instead do some human contact touch ehr and stuff kino her, give her some hugs, but not too many hugs.... just hang with her in the brakes .... and after some time ask her out for a cup of cofee, ( or a milkshake if she doesnt like cofee =P ) , u will look more muture and stuff....girls at that age like those kinda stuff......

Just hang out with ehr and show her that u like her , the soon er u show her that u like her the sooner she doenst go to the next guy , cuz girls dont wait for a guy that long, its more like thay wait maby 2 -3 months for the guy to make a move before they move on to theyr next target....

and wich city do you live in , cuz then i can maby give u some tips on where to go on your date, ( the cofee isent a date its more like a interwiev where u get to know each other on a more personal level)....

 

[benassi]

ur a joke.

 

[NoNickname]

Originally posted by Morphiex
Translation :

Since this guy lives in norway im gona write in Norwegian.....

oki så u live in Norway and as u know there is a hole other battlefield over here when it comes to women and hookups,and ur in highschool , and for the most of the people around your age , this is when they drink and have partys and go out n the town...and at that age, most people become couples after hooking up at partys, pretty childish but thats how it is here in norway....

first of all show here that u like her, u dont have to say it out loud , and by showing her that u like her i dont mean that ur gonna follow here and tell her how cool and wonderful she is, and do everything she wants and stuff like that , that is a huuuuge NO NO.... but instead do some human contact touch ehr and stuff kino her, give her some hugs, but not too many hugs.... just hang with her in the brakes .... and after some time ask her out for a cup of cofee, ( or a milkshake if she doesnt like cofee =P ) , u will look more muture and stuff....girls at that age like those kinda stuff......

Just hang out with ehr and show her that u like her , the soon er u show her that u like her the sooner she doenst go to the next guy , cuz girls dont wait for a guy that long, its more like thay wait maby 2 -3 months for the guy to make a move before they move on to theyr next target....

and wich city do you live in , cuz then i can maby give u some tips on where to go on your date, ( the cofee isent a date its more like a interwiev where u get to know each other on a more personal level)....

Okay, I'll take it in English, so the others won't be excluded from the conversation
"My" city is Oslo. But we don't live like in Oslo, we live outside the city.
She lives far away from me, so for us, it's hard to just hang out when we're not at school. If we are to be together, it demands some planning.
Now, I'm not sure at all she has a thing for me. But as I said in the first post, she has given me some indications. I'm not sure how you would define those things she did, but I see them as positive.

When it comes to looks, I don't think I have a problem. I have a lot of contacts on the MSN from other countries, to who I've sent pictures of myself. They're like "oh, you're cute... I can't believe you don't have a girlfriend. Where I live, you'd have a thousand girlfriends" and so on. And when I'm travelling to other countries, I always feel like I'm getting much attention from girls.
But in Norway, it's different. Here, the positive comments I get from people about myself, is that I'm really funny. Once, a girl said to me "you're the only one in this class who makes me smile". So, humour is my best card.
The only negative aspect about how I look is that I've always been a little skinny, but I don't know if that's the reason for my lack of success with girls. Other than being a little skinny, I can't complain about anything really.
I am going to start working out now, though (tomorrow, actually). That will likely improve my confidence in all areas, and hopefully consequently improve my popularity with girls.

Thank you for answering, by the way...

 

[Morphiex]

Originally posted by NoNickname
Okay, I'll take it in English, so the others won't be excluded from the conversation
"My" city is Oslo. But we don't live like in Oslo, we live outside the city.
She lives far away from me, so for us, it's hard to just hang out when we're not at school. If we are to be together, it demands some planning.
Now, I'm not sure at all she has a thing for me. But as I said in the first post, she has given me some indications. I'm not sure how you would define those things she did, but I see them as positive.

When it comes to looks, I don't think I have a problem. I have a lot of contacts on the MSN from other countries, to who I've sent pictures of myself. They're like "oh, you're cute... I can't believe you don't have a girlfriend. Where I live, you'd have a thousand girlfriends" and so on. And when I'm travelling to other countries, I always feel like I'm getting much attention from girls.
But in Norway, it's different. Here, the positive comments I get from people about myself, is that I'm really funny. Once, a girl said to me "you're the only one in this class who makes me smile". So, humour is my best card.
The only negative aspect about how I look is that I've always been a little skinny, but I don't know if that's the reason for my lack of success with girls. Other than being a little skinny, I can't complain about anything really.
I am going to start working out now, though (tomorrow, actually). That will likely improve my confidence in all areas, and hopefully consequently improve my popularity with girls.

Thank you for answering, by the way...

that compliment she gave you , if she gave it to you in that way , then its a huuuuge compliment from her and prolly means that she has some interest in you ....

but back to your stuff being skinny doesnt really matter much to girls around here anymore,i think , so dont think thats holding you back.... girls in norway dont like to come out and say hey i like you want to hang out, or hwow ur hot or sexy , they want the guy to make the move , cuz they dont want to seem to forward and they care waaaay to much about what other girls think about them , thats why they only let loose when they are either really drunk , or at "russetida" cuz thats the time when girls allow other girls to be slutty and go for what they want.... but hey thats another topic for another day.... back to your stuff....

oslo well you have alot of options then , but i find that taking a chick out for a round of pool to be the best thing , its a fun game , you get to do some kino( teach her to make a difficult shot or sumthing) and you can talk to each other , after that get a bite to eat.... dont do movie for the first date .... and if you have humor as you say then its really good , cuz girls want a guy who can make them smile....
all in all get some muscle and youl prolly get all the girls then......

but what i really want you to do , is just go and ask her at shcool when you two are alone at one time if she wants to hang out after shcool some day, simple as that and then ul get the answer u have been wonderin for a long time ... if she says no then dont go crazy over it , its her loss mate move on to the next girl ... but from what ive read from your posts i think shel say yes....

good luck to ya mate =)
ps : read the bible it will kinda open your eyes about some stuff..... it will help you in alot of ways , just trust me mate =)

 

[NoNickname]

Okay, thanks very much, Morphiex!
Now I pretty much now what I have to do. In addition, I've read alot in the DJ Bible, so I also know more about how I'm suppose to kino her and stuff.
The forthcoming week, many people are travelling to Germany and France, so the school won't be very crowded. I think this will be a good opportunity to get to know her better.