"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Can't think of a good resopnse

E

ebracer05

Senior Don Juan
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Girl sends me Christmas card today.

Actions of girl and content of the card have been pointing towards progressively lowered interest level towards me.

Unfortunately, this is probably because I have been acting like an AFC.

Previously, I would have gave her quite a bit of attention for doing something like sending me a Christmas card. Instead of that, today I sent her a very emotionally devoid "thanks for the card" text.

She responded back uncharacteristically fast, especially considering she's at work, with a highly emotive response and apologizing for never getting back with me about plans for this week because, after all, she's been so busy.

I am not doing well coming up with a good response to this. I don't think radio silence is the way to go because I don't want her to think I'm pouting or anything else low value out of an attempt to "punish" her for her recent less than desirable behavior. Instead, what I'm looking for is a short response that is both conciliatory and closed .

I don't want to excuse her bad behavior and say something along the lines of "oh, it's all right, not a big deal". I feel like the time for me to stop walking on egg shells with this girl and to start calling her on her sh1t was quite a while ago. On the other hand, I don't want to send her a response that telegraphs to her that I'm frustrated with her. Instead, I'd like something that suggests that it's not been an accident I haven't communicated with her in about a week and that it's okay, not because her behavior is acceptable, but because she hasn't been missed.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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E

ebracer05

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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51
Location
Washington
The card said:

Delight in the season. Mery Christmas and a Happy New Year! [underlined]

Written below that:


"Ebracer05,
I am very glad I met you in [insert class]! I hope you and your family have a blessed holiday! :)"

I texted:

"thanks for the card hb"

She said:

"Of course! Sorrry I haven't been able to get together! It's been a very busy week!!"

My response goes here.


@Espi. I don't want to ask her for another date. I asked her for a date on Sunday, she was supposed to call when she got home and looked at her work schedule and never called me. I didn't just meet this girl either. I've known her since August but we didn't start going out together/making out until 1.5 - 2 months ago. Granted, she has been busy, but not too busy to skip her time out with her "girlfriends" and stuff like that. I obviously did not do a good job maintaining attraction in this, probably due to my AFC relapse. What I want to do is reframe my position as a non-AFC and then either begin nailing this girl or move on. Asking her yet again, especially in light of what she said in the message (I interpreted that as her feeling pressured about getting together) I think would be bordering on chasing, if not full blown chasing. And I won't do that, especially for this girl. I don't mind being a bit of a d1ck. It would be good for her. But I will not supplicate or continue to give her undeserved attention.

Like I said, I'm not coming up with anything I feel does any of what I'm setting out to do. The best I've got is something along the lines of

"don't worry. i've been working on my music"

To me, that doesn't do it. I don't want to excuse her for... well, she didn't actually flake because we never set up plans... but being so flaky. One of my buddies said something like that this is just what you get when you deal with younger girls (she's 24). And I say that's BS. Girls will make time for whatever is screaming for their attention. And a man acting as a "DJ" should captivate her attention sufficiently for her to magically have time materialize. That being said, I don't want to appear reactionary either. I don't want to "call her out" for being a flaky person, but I want her to understand that it's not acceptable.

Second, the second portion is almost a justification or qualification that I've been doing just fine without her. And while that sentiment is important for her to understand (because really, I have been), I don't think the best way to communicate that is through direct communication methods. I've been very busy and haven't given her an incredible amount of thought. I didn't even think she was actually going to send me a Christmas card. But she did. If there's any more info you need from me let me know, but I feel like I've typed way too much.
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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