Cant Seem to Get Over Ex

[illmatic1005]

About a year ago, i was going out with this girl. For the first several months it was great and we both admitted to being "in love" with each other. But i think this one was true. I was her "first", if you know what i mean. We had the best bond ever, in my opinion.

We were good up until summer, where I randomly had the urge to meet other women. I dont know why. I was so happy with this girl. Her family loved me and i loved her family. We broke up on very sad terms. We talked a month later, but both couldnt handle it, and yes we BOTH even cried. May seem pathetic to some, but if you knew our relationship, you would understand. Then we both realized it was best to completely erase each other out of each others lives.

Now. A few months later i cant stop thinking about her. Ive tried to get 100 girls to get over 1 approach but i cant. I ALWAYS think of my ex. And i know she thinks of me too, cuz people have told me.

Everytime im with a girl, i would hug and squeeze the girl soo much, thinking it was my ex, then realize it wasnt her.

Should i still keep her out of my life and move on? I cant seem to move on though and TRUST ME..ive been trying VERY HARD..VEERYYY HARD

or should i try to get back with her?

Any other advice?

 

[Halloween]

Same thing happened to me

...and I am going to try to be as objective as possible, because you clearly need someone with a little distance from your situation.

About a year ago, i was going out with this girl. For the first several months it was great and we both admitted to being "in love" with each other. But i think this one was true. I was her "first", if you know what i mean. We had the best bond ever, in my opinion.

People throw around the word "love" too easily these days. You may think that admitting your love to her should have solidified some kind of bond between the two of you, but it did the opposite. It reeks of neediness. It suggests to a woman that she's conquered you.

Incidentally... was it you or her who said it first?

We were good up until summer, where I randomly had the urge to meet other women. I dont know why. I was so happy with this girl. Her family loved me and i loved her family. We broke up on very sad terms. We talked a month later, but both couldnt handle it, and yes we BOTH even cried. May seem pathetic to some, but if you knew our relationship, you would understand. Then we both realized it was best to completely erase each other out of each others lives.

Now. A few months later i cant stop thinking about her. Ive tried to get 100 girls to get over 1 approach but i cant. I ALWAYS think of my ex. And i know she thinks of me too, cuz people have told me.

You obviously want to be with her, and she obviously does not want to be with you (otherwise you'd be together, bwah?). This is not some kind of mutual tragedy. She doesn't want to be with you. This was not the perfect match you thought it was, otherwise you wouldn't have had the urge to see other girls. Your mind is filling in the blanks with a fantasy that never existed.

I know, man. It seems like such a good idea to get back together with her! But if you do, it'll be a week before you realize your mistake. Those feelings of "wanting to see other women" will come back ten times stronger than they were.

Should i still keep her out of my life and move on? I cant seem to mYES

 

[brownbear.]

this is a tough situation, i went through something similar long before i found the community

forgive me for assuming that you are pretty young, but trust me when i say it gets much easier in time, you're better off moving on now

 

[KontrollerX]

"We were good up until summer, where I randomly had the urge to meet other women."

If she were really the girl for you the breakup never would've happened (and I'm assuming you were the one doing the breaking up due to lack of information given in your opening post.)

"Now. A few months later i cant stop thinking about her. Ive tried to get 100 girls to get over 1 approach but i cant. I ALWAYS think of my ex. And i know she thinks of me too, cuz people have told me."

Read that last part over again and again.

Now make sure the next time you see these idiots you tell them not to bring up your ex to you anymore or what she thinks of you and if they don't honor your wishes get them out of your life too.

They are helping to pick at this scab preventing the wound from healing.

"Everytime im with a girl, i would hug and squeeze the girl soo much, thinking it was my ex, then realize it wasnt her."

Yep and its because your friends keep reminding you of your ex helping her keep the hook set in you and also you are probably not trying hard enough to focus on the current girl you are with and focusing on getting to know her. Clear your mind of your ex through meditation or whatever the fvck and keep your focus in the moment and on the girl you are with and whenever a thought of your ex pops into your head make your mind go blank and do this repeatedly until she leaves it forever. She is only staying in your mind because your friends keep picking at the scab and because you entertain the thoughts about her as they pop up. So yeah stop your friends talking about her and if they won't stop get them out of your life and immediately when your ex pops up into your head either clear your mind or force yourself to think about a different girl.

"Should i still keep her out of my life and move on? I cant seem to move on though and TRUST ME..ive been trying VERY HARD..VEERYYY HARD"

You gravitated away from her on your own because it was the right decision for you and you decided this for yourself as I think you ended the relationship in order to persue other poontang. You are likely too young to want to settle down with just one woman at this point and hell both of you are likely so young one is bound to cheat on the other person eventually so its better that you broke up with your girl now and in an honest fashion than you listening to your formerly perfect darling angel giving you the cowardly lets take a break talk a few years from now and then my having to link you to joekerr's thread on breaks for the 5 billionth time that thread will come into use by that point.

Use the forum's search feature and look up the poster nighttimepimp and read his story about his youthful 5 year relationship ending brutally when the chick ran out on him to go be with some loser. You don't want to be that guy. You did the right thing for yourself and your young life by ending this now. Don't waste your youth on relationships. If you really need those wait until you are older and go for a chick who is a bit older and more mature also.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=128517

Actually I just went and got the link for you.

There is night time pimp's story.

"or should i try to get back with her?"

If you were to do this and you were the one to end it you could risk having the revenge game played on you where suddenly your ex reveals to you that she's seeing someother guy even if she isn't or that you and she just can't be together now because she can't risk being hurt again blah blah blah and there you will be sh!t out of luck and she'll be validated that she was just so awesome you had to come back to her. She wins and you lose. Also you'll probably slip into an AFC mindset and rationalize away her newfound rejection of you as something you deserved for ending things with her but its not something you deserved it would be something you brought on yourself for being an idiot and trying to get back with that which you deemed unsuitable for yourself and your current youth. As even though you yearn for her now it was you who made the decision to be rid of her for new talent. You have to own your decisions as that is a part of your growing maturity. You made a choice to be rid of her. Stick to it with no guilt.

So yeah in closing and probably for the billionth time I said it in this post make your friends shut up about her and if they refuse to do so get them out of your life as they are keeping this wound fresh and picking at its scab and thus not helping you to heal it and when you are with a new chick focus on her and keep your mind in the moment and remember to clear your thoughts every single fvcking time a thought of your ex pops into them and when the thoughts keep creeping up if they do, do not entertain them, do your best to think of something else. Do not linger and long over what could have been. Move forward to something new as you yourself wanted to do to begin with.

 

[brian123]

It's one of those things that just takes time bro. Not to steal your thread and turn this into my own sob story, but last spring, I was 90 days away from getting married to what I thought was the girl of my ultimate dreams. We broke up for REALLY REALLY strange reasons that I don't think either of us know.

It took me ~ 4-5 months to really get back into the swing of things and yea, i still think of her from time to time and miss her. However, I KNOW i am better off without her. I've been dating other girls and such, but keep getting stronger/better every single day.

Ill go against the advice of most. I say to contact her. It will just hurt you, and open up wounds. It will teach you a valuable lesson man. It will set you back and teach you to move on.

I've been there man, keep your head up and green means go.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

"We were good up until summer, where I randomly had the urge to meet other women."

If she were really the girl for you the breakup never would've happened (and I'm assuming you were the one doing the breaking up due to lack of information given in your opening post.)

"Now. A few months later i cant stop thinking about her. Ive tried to get 100 girls to get over 1 approach but i cant. I ALWAYS think of my ex. And i know she thinks of me too, cuz people have told me."

Read that last part over again and again.

Now make sure the next time you see these idiots you tell them not to bring up your ex to you anymore or what she thinks of you and if they don't honor your wishes get them out of your life too.

They are helping to pick at this scab preventing the wound from healing.

"Everytime im with a girl, i would hug and squeeze the girl soo much, thinking it was my ex, then realize it wasnt her."

Yep and its because your friends keep reminding you of your ex helping her keep the hook set in you and also you are probably not trying hard enough to focus on the current girl you are with and focusing on getting to know her. Clear your mind of your ex through meditation or whatever the fvck and keep your focus in the moment and on the girl you are with and whenever a thought of your ex pops into your head make your mind go blank and do this repeatedly until she leaves it forever. She is only staying in your mind because your friends keep picking at the scab and because you entertain the thoughts about her as they pop up. So yeah stop your friends talking about her and if they won't stop get them out of your life and immediately when your ex pops up into your head either clear your mind or force yourself to think about a different girl.

"Should i still keep her out of my life and move on? I cant seem to move on though and TRUST ME..ive been trying VERY HARD..VEERYYY HARD"

You gravitated away from her on your own because it was the right decision for you and you decided this for yourself as I think you ended the relationship in order to persue other poontang. You are likely too young to want to settle down with just one woman at this point and hell both of you are likely so young one is bound to cheat on the other person eventually so its better that you broke up with your girl now and in an honest fashion than you listening to your formerly perfect darling angel giving you the cowardly lets take a break talk a few years from now and then my having to link you to joekerr's thread on breaks for the 5 billionth time that thread will come into use by that point.

Use the forum's search feature and look up the poster nighttimepimp and read his story about his youthful 5 year relationship ending brutally when the chick ran out on him to go be with some loser. You don't want to be that guy. You did the right thing for yourself and your young life by ending this now. Don't waste your youth on relationships. If you really need those wait until you are older and go for a chick who is a bit older and more mature also.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=128517

Actually I just went and got the link for you.

There is night time pimp's story.

"or should i try to get back with her?"

If you were to do this and you were the one to end it you could risk having the revenge game played on you where suddenly your ex reveals to you that she's seeing someother guy even if she isn't or that you and she just can't be together now because she can't risk being hurt again blah blah blah and there you will be sh!t out of luck and she'll be validated that she was just so awesome you had to come back to her. She wins and you lose. Also you'll probably slip into an AFC mindset and rationalize away her newfound rejection of you as something you deserved for ending things with her but its not something you deserved it would be something you brought on yourself for being an idiot and trying to get back with that which you deemed unsuitable for yourself and your current youth. As even though you yearn for her now it was you who made the decision to be rid of her for new talent. You have to own your decisions as that is a part of your growing maturity. You made a choice to be rid of her. Stick to it with no guilt.

So yeah in closing and probably for the billionth time I said it in this post make your friends shut up about her and if they refuse to do so get them out of your life as they are keeping this wound fresh and picking at its scab and thus not helping you to heal it and when you are with a new chick focus on her and keep your mind in the moment and remember to clear your thoughts every single fvcking time a thought of your ex pops into them and when the thoughts keep creeping up if they do, do not entertain them, do your best to think of something else. Do not linger and long over what could have been. Move forward to something new as you yourself wanted to do to begin with.

hey kontrollerx you seem to be very knowedgeable in the relationship field.. maybe could you take a look and possibly give me some insight on my new thread if you have the chance, I just really need a grip right now. Thanks.

Jorge

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

"We were good up until summer, where I randomly had the urge to meet other women."

If she were really the girl for you the breakup never would've happened (and I'm assuming you were the one doing the breaking up due to lack of information given in your opening post.)

"Now. A few months later i cant stop thinking about her. Ive tried to get 100 girls to get over 1 approach but i cant. I ALWAYS think of my ex. And i know she thinks of me too, cuz people have told me."

Read that last part over again and again.

Now make sure the next time you see these idiots you tell them not to bring up your ex to you anymore or what she thinks of you and if they don't honor your wishes get them out of your life too.

They are helping to pick at this scab preventing the wound from healing.

"Everytime im with a girl, i would hug and squeeze the girl soo much, thinking it was my ex, then realize it wasnt her."

Yep and its because your friends keep reminding you of your ex helping her keep the hook set in you and also you are probably not trying hard enough to focus on the current girl you are with and focusing on getting to know her. Clear your mind of your ex through meditation or whatever the fvck and keep your focus in the moment and on the girl you are with and whenever a thought of your ex pops into your head make your mind go blank and do this repeatedly until she leaves it forever. She is only staying in your mind because your friends keep picking at the scab and because you entertain the thoughts about her as they pop up. So yeah stop your friends talking about her and if they won't stop get them out of your life and immediately when your ex pops up into your head either clear your mind or force yourself to think about a different girl.

"Should i still keep her out of my life and move on? I cant seem to move on though and TRUST ME..ive been trying VERY HARD..VEERYYY HARD"

You gravitated away from her on your own because it was the right decision for you and you decided this for yourself as I think you ended the relationship in order to persue other poontang. You are likely too young to want to settle down with just one woman at this point and hell both of you are likely so young one is bound to cheat on the other person eventually so its better that you broke up with your girl now and in an honest fashion than you listening to your formerly perfect darling angel giving you the cowardly lets take a break talk a few years from now and then my having to link you to joekerr's thread on breaks for the 5 billionth time that thread will come into use by that point.

Use the forum's search feature and look up the poster nighttimepimp and read his story about his youthful 5 year relationship ending brutally when the chick ran out on him to go be with some loser. You don't want to be that guy. You did the right thing for yourself and your young life by ending this now. Don't waste your youth on relationships. If you really need those wait until you are older and go for a chick who is a bit older and more mature also.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=128517

Actually I just went and got the link for you.

There is night time pimp's story.

"or should i try to get back with her?"

If you were to do this and you were the one to end it you could risk having the revenge game played on you where suddenly your ex reveals to you that she's seeing someother guy even if she isn't or that you and she just can't be together now because she can't risk being hurt again blah blah blah and there you will be sh!t out of luck and she'll be validated that she was just so awesome you had to come back to her. She wins and you lose. Also you'll probably slip into an AFC mindset and rationalize away her newfound rejection of you as something you deserved for ending things with her but its not something you deserved it would be something you brought on yourself for being an idiot and trying to get back with that which you deemed unsuitable for yourself and your current youth. As even though you yearn for her now it was you who made the decision to be rid of her for new talent. You have to own your decisions as that is a part of your growing maturity. You made a choice to be rid of her. Stick to it with no guilt.

So yeah in closing and probably for the billionth time I said it in this post make your friends shut up about her and if they refuse to do so get them out of your life as they are keeping this wound fresh and picking at its scab and thus not helping you to heal it and when you are with a new chick focus on her and keep your mind in the moment and remember to clear your thoughts every single fvcking time a thought of your ex pops into them and when the thoughts keep creeping up if they do, do not entertain them, do your best to think of something else. Do not linger and long over what could have been. Move forward to something new as you yourself wanted to do to begin with.

hey kontrollerx you seem to be very knowedgeable in the relationship field.. maybe could you take a look and possibly give me some insight on my new thread if you have the chance, I just really need a grip right now. Thanks.

Jorge

 

[Da Realist]

I would say contact her, but I think you've shot yourself in the foot by talking to people around her. Some things may have gotten back to her that may hurt your chances and some of the stuff they said may have been just to make you feel better. If you can handle whatever the out come may be and are willing to take things slow, talk to her again. If not, then let it go. The thing you have to understand most is that your choice can't be made out of desperation. Most people on here will tell you to keep dating other women and get over it without really saying why. The point is that if you try to get back with an ex just because you're hurting instead of doing it as a calm, secure man, its going to end badly anyway. As Pook explained, there aren't any set rules in this game other than that you be a man in what you do.

 

[Juan_Man]

If it was a mutual breakup (no particular person wanted to end it), then I say it's worth a shot. At the same time, I don't think there is such a thing as "that one great girl" because there are several others, it's just that they are hard to find. Do what you think is right.